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Survival: The Escape, Chapter 8.5

by HarryHardy


"Yeah, I was hoping that mom would be around today morning but she was gone. But we'll only be able to confirm by tomorrow morning," said Harry.

"Well there goes my sleep for the day," said Daisy," at least I got a decent sleep today."

"Well you could always try to sneak off and find mom," suggested Harry, winking at her.

"Tell me you didn't just say that Harry," Aria said.

"I didn't just say that," replied Harry, looking the picture of innocence.

Aria let out her trademark sigh and rolled her eyes as the other two broke into laughter. 

*******

That day they'd been given a note instructing a few parts of the flight control systems be dropped off at different locations to the incinerator and so they found themselves running all across camp and they hardly noticed the time passing till the lights went off abruptly, signalling the end of their shift. The trio decided to spend a third night taking some time to gaze at the stars before they returned to hopefully hear some news.

As soon as Harry and Aria were at the door to their quarters it swung open to admit them, the beaming smile on their mother's face there to greet them. Judging from the smile and her eagerness to talk to them, Harry was already internally starting to celebrate.

"Come take a seat. I know the first thing you two are going to do is start grilling me about this if I don’t tell you," she began as soon as they walked into the room.

Harry and Aria had identical 'caught with hand in the cookie jar' smiles as they both sat on either side of their mother.

"So what did you manage to find? asked Harry, unable to contain his question.

"No beating around the bush today?" said Mrs. Kane, smiling.

"Mom," said Harry, pouting.

"Okay," said Mrs. Kane, laughing at her son's expression," After I notified the guys at you-know-what, Alex went out to the gate to confirm what you saw and the reports came in at around lunchtime today."

"And what was in the reports?" asked Aria, leaning in even as Harry did the same.

"The wiring is....in fact," began Mrs. Kane pausing before she continued in a whisper,"...damaged."


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Tue Sep 28, 2021 7:43 pm
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SadboyJay wrote a review...



hey harry,

jay here to leave a review on what i read on your novel,

first off Harry all i can say is you be having them good novel chapters that i will always will love to read it Harry just know that i had a good vibe just reading your poem harry and i have a part to harry Well you could always try to sneak off and find mom," suggested Harry, winking at her. and harry i can't complain about your novel chapter harry cause we know you have the best novel chapters harry

Second my compliment is harry how you can work all these good novels and how did you start doing novels more than just poems i just wanna know harry cause you be having them good novels i be reading them harry and i wonder is this your last chapter or you still doing more chapters


3rd harry how you can improve is just keep doing them novels harry cause me right now i love this one harry and i can't complain on this one cause its pretty good novel i ever readed it harry


4th what part i don;t like is That day they'd been given a note instructing a few parts of the flight control systems be dropped off at different locations to the incinerator yeah harry this was the part out of the novel i didn't like harry


keep up the good writing novels harry i hope you enjoy this amazing review by jay~!!!




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Tue Sep 28, 2021 6:41 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Harry,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

So we have reached the end of the eighth chapter. I have to say I generally liked it. The flow was well spread from beginning to end and I generally liked the focus on Harry and his character portrayal. The plot itself went more second tier here, but didn't necessarily find this a bad thing. Especially with the build up and the change you accomplished, I don't think it was much needed either and I also noticed very little that the plot itself went more into a sidetrack.

One positive to see here was your build up in terms of description and making the story seem more "alive" in places. It was still all about Harry, Aria, Daisy and the mother, but you also learned and saw some interesting details that I felt were a bit lacking in the first chapters.

You close the chapter here with a cliffhanger and I'm already speculating whether we might see the mother's POV or some kind of flashback in the next chapter. Back to that, I'm also interested in who Alex is. I don't think the person (woman or man) has appeared anywhere before.

In this part you close the chapter and in the five parts it has seemed a little like a play where each part has represented an act that has made the centre the climax and now the gentle winding down has come. The further you read, the more the world you have created unfolds and unfolds like a dice. I like that you keep the focus there.

In general, I saw some improvements in this chapter, like the descriptions or the first attempt to replace the "to say" in the dialogues, and think that this is also a good, first step to expand and develop this dynamic of "literary building blocks".

Have fun writing!

Mailice




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Hmm...I've I guess this chapter came across a bit better. I think this chapter was a little bit more drawn out than most probably as a result of me in NaNo trying to meet a word count goal but it seems to have worked out okay. :D

I think the next chapters will move much faster though, things going along normally is officially over with this chapter. :D

Oh and Alex is Mr. Summers. That's his first name. He was in the meeting earlier. I know its a little hard to keep track of those names cause first of all, the kids refer to them by their last names, while the adults use the first names and they also don't appear all that frequently, but umm, its not too important remember their names anyway :D

Thanks again!!



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Tue Sep 28, 2021 4:43 pm
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey!! Forever here with a review!!

"Yeah, I was hoping that mom would be around today morning but she was gone. But we'll only be able to confirm by tomorrow morning," said Harry.

First of all, but seems to be repititive here and secondly, I don't get its significance. Take a look.

We literally have uncountable similarities between Harry and Daisy. I pointed out a lot in the previous parts and chapters and here comes the next one. Both of them are heavy sleepers but they can't sleep when their minds are excited about something.

I wonder a bit about this sneaking and if one is allowed to go to others' quarters during the night. Obviously, the word sneak suggest the negative of this but I still wonder a bit. If people are allowed to go to others' quarters, that's great but if they aren't, that's awful for sure.
running all across camp and they hardly noticed the time passing till the lights went off abruptly,

Okay, abruptly. This is not the wrong word here but I do wonder a bit if this is really abrupt to them like they should have been quite habituated by it cause they have been seeing these for quite some days.

This part was a very very fast paced one and sometimes, the transitions did feel a bit too fast. However, the main concern is if it actually goes well with the flow if you connect it to the previous parts. The previous parts were not as fast as this one. You could just give a scene of Mrs. Kane telling them and exclude the whole fast forward duty. There is always a problem though. You have included a few important details in that fast forward scene. I wonder if thsoe can be imcluded elsewhere.
Okay," said Mrs. Kane, laughing at her son's expression," After I notified the guys at you-know-what,

Seems like the movement or whatever is nameless. They have gotta give it a name or does it have something to do with the walls have ears? Seems like. This Alex is Mr. Summers, right? I confuse a bit too much.

Now the good or let's say the great news is the wiring is damaged. Time to celebrate. Anyway, if I am not wrong, they are going to make a plan and escape and that escape will be unsuccessful or maybe a bit successful. If it's unsuccessful, this camp will turn into something worse than hell. Anyway, the journey will be quite interesting for us. Don't be cruel with your characters. Don't kill anyone, seriously...

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Yeah, this last part was a bit more rushed than it should've been. :D

Hmm...its definitely the walls having ears ;)..and yes, Alex is Mr. Summers....I know it ends up confusing, its just that it doesn't make sense for the kids to call him by his first name, but then Mrs. Kane would call him by his first name :D But remembering exactly who the person is won't be that important for the main plot :D

Hmmm....well...I'm evil...within reason...*cackles*

Thanks again!!



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Tue Sep 28, 2021 12:39 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks back with another review!

I wish you had included that first bit in the previous part. As a result the starting of this part, felt like the middle of a conversation we had not been a part of. Now, since I came directly from the previous part, their conversation makes sense to me. But if you start a part by dropping directly into the middle of a conversation, your readers will get confused.

So, we have reached the end of chapter 8! A lot has happened since the beginning till now, and et the end of every chapter we get a silver of hope that makes us feel that they are going to escape. And somehow in the very next chapter, you manage to crush that hope and present us with another false hope. It's good technique to keep your readers on their feet and it sure makes for an exciting read. However, at this point I am wondering if this is their actual shot at escape or if you are going to be cruel about this and crush it again in the next chapter.

Now, since this is a chapter ending, I think you could have included a little more details. I appreciate the cliffhanger at the end of course, but I think there could have been more build up. It felt a little sudden to me, and the ending felt like it came too quickly. So maybe you could work on that?

Judging from the smile and her eagerness to talk to them, Harry was already internally starting to celebrate.

Now that was such a 'Harry' reaction that it honestly made me smile.

Overall, this was a good chapter. I am trying to guess what the damaged wiring can mean for the humans, but I do have a feeling that the space ship is going to be their ticket to freedom. I can't say for sure of course. I will have to wait to find out.

Keep writing and have a great day!




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Hmm...no comment on the cruelty part ;)

Hmm...yeah, I did kind of dump this one a little suddenly and it'll transition quite fast into a totally different scene for chap 9..so hmm, I will look into adding a bit more to this scene here.

But hmm...chap 9 should get some proper excitement happening :D




The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what Fiction means.
— Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest