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Survival: The Escape, Chapter 7.4

by HarryHardy

"You two. Come over here!" called Aria.

"Coming," came two identical shouts from either side as the duo ran towards her, carrying their own cutting devices.

"I don't think you'll need those," said Aria, as she spotted them coming.

"It's fine. Its better to leave all three in one pile for easy access," said Harry. The two of them both set their cutters down and faced the door.

"Okay, lemme just finish this final cut," said Aria and began to cut through the metal once more this time to make a cut right through the section that she'd cut out so that it would break a bit easier once they attempted to get in.

A few seconds later, Aria was done and she set the cutter down in the same pile as the other two.

"I'll knock it down," said Harry, stepping up," I've always wanted to do that."

"Okay then, give it your best shot," said Aria stepping aside. Daisy also took a few steps back as Harry stretched his legs and did a bit of on the spot jogging to loosen his legs.

"How long do you need to warm up for?" asked Daisy.

"About two hours give or take a few minutes," replied Harry.

"Seriously, stop showing off and just kick the door in already," said Daisy.

"You know, technically, it isn't a door, it's just a..." began Harry but fell silent as Daisy glared at him.

"I know that genius. It is sort of like a door so I just used the word," snapped Daisy.

"Guys, act your age," said Aria, before adding as an afterthought," at least once in a while."

Both of them had the decency to look ashamed as they stared sheepishly at the floor.

"Sorry," mouthed Daisy.

Harry then proceeded to waved his arms randomly before he announced,"Get back, I need to do a running kick." 

The girls stepped back even further as Harry counted seven steps backward and turned around to face the door.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a few seconds before taking off like he'd been shot from a massive slingshot. He barreled towards the wall of the ship and jumped in the air two steps from the wall of the ship, extending his right foot. The foot struck the door with a painful scraping noise and the metal, complete with a shoe shaped dent, flew inside creating a large human sized hole in the ship. Harry went straight through landing on the floor of the ship with what was hopefully a soft landing.

"OWW," said Daisy," that is an eardrum buster right there."

"Seconded," agreed Aria, covering her eyes and shaking her head to get rid of the noise. 

"It feels like the noise is tearing away a piece of your soul," said Daisy.

"I know right," said Aria," we are not doing that again without ear protection."

"What are you guys talking about?" asked Harry, casually stepping out from the door, paying not attention to the jagged edges," that was a pretty nice sound."

"Look Harry, I love you but if you say one more good thing about the sound I am going to have to slap you," said Aria," now let's get inside of this ship and figure out how to clear it out."

"I hope there is no dead body inside," said Daisy.

"Probably burnt to a crisp if there is," said Harry.

"That's exactly what I was thinking," said Aria," the dead body part not the burnt to a crisp. Seriously Harry, are you even human. Why would you say something like that?"

"Hey... I am most certainly human thank you very much," he said.

"Okay let's get inside before we start another pointless argument," said Daisy, going in first. Harry and Aria followed close behind. 

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Thu Sep 23, 2021 2:04 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...

Hi Harry,

Mailice back with another short review! :D

Here we have now more or less reached the peak of character development and how the characters interact with each other. (Not that it goes downhill after that, in the sense that it gets worse). Here you can clearly see that Harry and Daisy can also be different, as can Aria and Daisy, as well as the former and Harry. You create a kind of triplicity with this flexibility, which is really good to see in the dialogue. I notice when I read that during those moments, I build up extreme speed in my reading because it's like oil where you slip. :D

At some point I stop reading who it's coming from, because at some point you figure out by yourself who's talking. Harry, in particular, sometimes seems a bit more like sarcasm, where you can also see a slight hint of it in Aria from time to time, but she seems a bit more direct and can also seem more hurtful as a result. But on a second reading I also noticed that you used "to say" a bit more often again. :D

Two other points I noticed while reading:

said Aria and began to cut through the metal once more this time to make a cut right through the section that she'd cut out so that it would break a bit easier once they attempted to get in.

This sentence definitely needs to be restructured because there is so much "cut" in it that you could cut through walls with it. :D No, really I would try to rewrite it a bit, because the sentence itself is quite long.

"I hope there is no dead body inside," said Daisy.

In the last part you already told about it, in a train of thought of Aria's, that she hopes there is no dead body (worse would actually be a living body), and don't know now if you wanted to create a commonality there, or if it was actually supposed to be a phrase of Aria's.

Have fun writing!


HarryHardy says...

Thank youu for the review!!

Uhh...I kinda wanted to create a contrast there. We have Aria who has seen dead bodies before [kinda spoiler alert??] so she just quietly thinks it to herself...then we've got Daisy who hasn't, but like doesn't want to see one at all, and then Harry just half imaging it'd be cool to see a dead body when he talks about the "being burnt to a crisp" part of things :D

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484 Reviews

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Wed Sep 22, 2021 3:55 pm
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...

Heyy!! Forever here with a review!!

This was a bit relaxing part, in my opinion. I really like how your story continues in alternate tensional parts and relaxing parts. It gives the story a more dynamic structure. The story is turning more and more interesting with time.

Harry was 'ultra-dramatic' in the above scene and that makes this part humorous. I like how Harry managed to utter the phrase 'burnt into a crisp'. Obviously, we have seen that he is not the person to think that is actually funny. If I am not wrong, he told that without much thinking. If he had thought and recollected all what happened, he would have cried. I am.kinda sure about that.

I wonder why that sound was actually produced. Perhaps Harry hit it too hard(we don't know how powerful he is or how powerful human beings are in this specific time nor do we know about the food that they eat). I am quite eager to know about the energy level of human beings at this specific period of time. The sound seems to be dangerous to the ears. Fortunate that they didn't go deaf. But the question is how was such a noise produced? I don't know but is there something vacuum or something related to vacumm?

Now they will venture into the ship. I am quite interested at finding what they will find in it. Something interesting or otherwise something very disappointing(maybe nothing at all). Quite interested about the next part.

Keep Writing!!


HarryHardy says...

Thank youu for the review!!

xD...its just that sound of metal tearing with that "SHEEEK". Its very high pitched :D

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Wed Sep 22, 2021 1:42 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...

Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

So they are finally inside the ship. I wonder what they are going to find inside. I am also a little curios as to why they are assuming that there might be a dead body inside. If the humans are all under the alien's imprisonment, shouldn't it be more logical to assume that it would be something else? There are so many possibilities. I just know that it has to be something, because you have been building the plot around this space ship for a long while now. It has to be something major, I guess.

I really enjoy the bickering between Daisy and Harry. Of course, they are always ultimately broken up by Aria, but it is really funny to hear their 'pointless arguments' about the smallest of things. No wonder Aria gets annoyed so easily! I do think that these kinds of humorous dialogues break the tension in the story and add a more refreshing tone to it. I almost always look forward to their interactions. What I really like is the fact that despite being imprisoned, these people try to find happiness and laughter in anything and anyhow they can manage. I think this is an important lesson you have shown here.

"About two hours give or take a few minutes," replied Harry.

Add a comma after 'hours'.

Harry then proceeded to waved his arms randomly before he announced,

It will be 'proceeded to wave'.

Seriously Harry, are you even human.

There will be a question mark at the end.

You also need to pay a little attention to the punctuations. There are several commas missing in this part.

Overall, this was an exciting continuation. It was more like a filler for the actual plot though, as they are now inside the ship. The story can go in so many directions from here and I am interested to see which one you take!

Keep writing and have a great day!

HarryHardy says...

Thank youu for the review!!

Someday, everything is going to go right for you, and it will be so wonderful you won't even know what to do.
— Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham, Questionable Content