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Survival: The Escape, Chapter 21.3

by HarryHardy


The five of them were hiding behind the last house on that particular row of houses. In front of them, stood a large hedge, covered in a bushy red plant they didn’t recognize from any of the trips in the forest. It was hopefully some kind of decorative plant and not some sort of actual security measure. There was a small back gate, which not surprisingly for the time of day, was locked. There was a sudden glare of lights from the road that led towards the gate.

Aria gestured rapidly towards the large hedge as she ran towards. Daisy exchanged a look with Harry. This could get really messy, really quickly if they didn’t manage to survive the next few minutes undetected. With a nod to each other, the two of them ran towards Aria. Daisy could hear Ryan and Kate coming up behind them. They all dived into the hedge just as the transport rode past them with a loud “Whoosh”. It rattled the gate a little, but thankfully it looked like the thing had gone right past them and straight into town. Why a transport was coming into town at that late an hour was definitely interesting. It didn’t seem like any of the residents of the town were awake.

Aria moved towards the gate and looked out across the road. Daisy didn’t dare to stand up to look along with her quite yet as they all stayed below the line of the hedge to avoid being spotted. Aria gestured for them to come towards her. Daisy began tiptoeing in that direction.

Aria pointed towards the house on the other side. It looked just like all the other houses on the row. A relatively small two storied structure, with a roof in the shape of a triangle, a few windows indicated the inside was quite dark. There was a small garden much like the one in this house, also surrounded by a large hedge and a locked door. The only difference was that this particular house was a lot closer to the road they had to be in. If Daisy remembered correctly, they’d have to pass that one and another row of houses before they had to sneak onto the road itself and then make their way to the warehouse. Aria made a “follow me” motion and then proceeded to suddenly climb on top of the hedge and over, charging across the street.

Daisy quickly exploded into action, copying Aria as she ran across and jumped into the garden of the other house. She heard someone land right beside here and assuming it was Harry stood up a bit to peek over the hedge to see the other two running in. Kate was just about at the hedge and Ryan was just making the jump. 

Then there was another sound indicating the arrival of another transport. 

Daisy’s heart skipped a beat as her blood ran cold. Kate quickly made it over but as the lights of the distant transport came into view, Ryan was in the middle of the road. Daisy watched with bated breath, knowing they were currently helpless to do anything to help Ryan as the lights started to wash across the nearest hedges. 

Ryan was almost at the hedge.

The beam of light spread over to the hedge they were in. Daisy ducked down. She closed her eyes. 

There was a loud thud.


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Sat Dec 04, 2021 7:32 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

This was a really good continuation of the story. I like how you took your time with getting back into the action in this chapter by slwly building up till the main point. The first two parts were rather laid back and I am glad because it served as great introductory parts to this new setting. If you had at once jumped into the action, we wouldn't have the chance to get adjusted to the place before we were surrying off with our characters trying to escape the latest danger.

This part does not have any dialogue and yet the details you included gave us a litter broader idea of what's going on. I absolutely loved the way you built up the tension slowly and steadily until it reached its breaking point at the with the cliffhanger. Daisy's emotion were rightfully portrayed and I could feel the anticipation in the air. You have created a very tense environment here and even the slight rush of wind is enough to make us jump high right now.

The ending was really great. It was like I could feel something was coming, but I could not anticipate how it was going to come. Made it all the more exciting when it did come. I liked the fact that so much took place without any dialogue in this part. It almost feels natural though and I did not really feel the need to hear their inputs in this part (I am saying this because I am aware of how often I complain for more dialogue).

We are at the extreme tipping point now and it is glaringly obvious that our team is now very screwed. It will be interesting to see how they get out of this one.

Keep writing and have a great day.

Until next time!




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D



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Fri Dec 03, 2021 5:07 am
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a review!!

Okay, that was definitely a great cliffhanger at the end of this part. Anyway, to the review. The previous parts were definitely a lot more relaxed and we got some time to catch up with all the events. The beginning of this part too was in line with those parts. However, boom! It completely changed towards the end.

Anyway, I really liked this part. It was a lot more detailed than the previous parts. Also, it raises a lot of questions about everything in general. This part took me back to the camp after a long time. As they didn't think of the camp, I too didn't. However, the strange things happening in this part was definitely a bit intriguing.

I wonder why the transport really came in that strange time and if it's related to the humans inside the camp. As we don't have the slightest idea of what's happening inside the camp, we can only assume things. Maybe the aliens have actually started to torture the human beings to start extracting details about the escape. Now, I do understand that the humans beings are quite loyal but if the aliens torture them very much, they maybe will be forced to tell things they know. And if that happens, the aliens will know about the transport. I am really afraid that this transport can actually be a trap for them. A very bad sort of trap.

Now, we had some actions in this part, not after long though. The description of the house was a good detail. And the cliffhanger! I am really worried about Ryan. I wonder what is going to happen with him and the others. However, at the same time, I am afraid that the cliffhanger might not be a cliffhanger at all. I think Ryan will succeed at making it to the hedge. The most intriguing thing is the thud. Hopefully, it's just the sound of Ryan jumping into the hedge. Optimism!

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D



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Thu Dec 02, 2021 1:26 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Harry,

Mailice back again with a short review! :D

Overall, this is the first part where I think the tension is going to shoot up like a rocket. The last two parts I see more as a "delayed" build-up. But I like the way you try to insert a more active style here, which leads to us also getting to see Daisy a bit more.

One thing that strikes me a bit (and I probably read this somewhere and forgot) is that I'm still missing something solid to describe this city in more detail. I realise that the reader is travelling with the protagonists at many points in the story and is thus quite ignorant of how everything is going, but here I might have wished to get some more brief feedback about the city.

This would have been a good way to give a brief refresher on this topic in the last part, for example, in order to prepare the reader for it. Because for me there is such a feeling that the city seems more like a ghost town at the moment. :D

But what I like is how this part stands out very much from the others and we see the deed, from the practice. In my eyes, a lot has happened and I think it's good that you've added a bit of Daisy's doubts here.

Two other points I noticed while reading:

The five of them were hiding behind the last house on that particular row of houses.

I would replace the second "house" with "building" or another noun. This way - especially in the first sentence - it already seems very repetitive.

Why a transport was coming into town at that late an hour was definitely interesting.

Here you could briefly describe what this transport looks like to give a visual hint to the reader.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Hmm...this description is definitely something I have to look out for with this whole chapter. :D




"The only time you look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that they have enough. You don't look in your neighbor's bowl to see if you have as much as them."
— Louis C.K.