Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » General

12+

Survival: The Escape, Chapter 20.6

by HarryHardy


A few minutes later, Harry was dumping a load of branches onto a now sizeable looking pile right next to "The Fene". It was starting to get to a decent point now and it seemed like they'd be able to just about make the jump. This wall was after all, just a wall, and didn't have the fancy features the other one did to prevent climbing.

“Think that’s enough?’ he asked Aria, as he saw her come in with yet another load of branches.

“Umm, well I think we can do this for about five more minutes, then we’ll find out,” said Aria, giving him a smile. “Luckily nothing has attacked us yet.”

“And now you’ve gone and jinxed it,” said Harry, shaking his head.

“Oh please,” said Aria, rolling her eyes, “go on, and keep whacking those branches.”

“As you command,” said Harry, winking as he gave a quick bow and ran off.

Five minutes later, Aria called them all to a stop and they gathered around the pile of branches.

“Well, let’s hope this works,” said Aria, “if we can’t somehow get on top of that thing using this, well then we’re going to just have to blow up the tree. Luckily they don’t have a kill on sight thing on top of this fence.”

“Well, why don’t we uh…lob a stick over and double check that theory,” said Harry, “it’s possible they had a switch to turn it on and off or something, and the drone just never picked up on it.”

“Yeah, definitely better safe than sorry,” said Kate.

“Oh yes, I almost didn’t think of that. Well, who wants to lob the stick?” asked Aria.

“Lemme do it,” said Ryan, walking up to grab one of the smallest ones. Without wasting a moment, he launched it over the fence.

They all watched with bated breath as it sailed over, and landed on the other side safely with a gentle thud. Harry let out a big sigh of relief along with everyone else.

“Right, let’s get this over with,” said Harry.

“Yes, Kate, Ryan, help me with this, Harry, you and Daisy watch our backs, just in case something sneaks up on us somehow,” ordered Aria, already moving to pick up one of the larger sticks.

Harry and Daisy walked a few feet off.

“Soo, we’re soo close,” said Harry, smiling at her.

“Yes indeed, looks like we’re getting out then,” said Daisy, smiling back, “you were right after all. Well, you will be as soon as we cross that last hurdle.”

“Well, it’s the easiest part,” said Harry, “or so it seemed on that document at any rate.”

“Well, I guess we’ll all find out,” said Daisy.

“Yes we will,” agreed Harry.

The two of them turned as one to face the forest, keeping watch against its many creatures one last time.

“Alright, we’re done.” called Aria, a minute or so later, “let’s get this over as soon as possible.”

“Well, that was surprisingly quick,” said Harry.

“Yeah, well I’m not complaining,” said Daisy.

They turned around to see a propped up structure of branches, set against the wall, set up just high enough that they should be able to clamber over it. Hopefully the ten foot drop on the other side would be relatively manageable.

“I’m going first,” volunteered Harry, “I’m probably the lightest here.”

“Alright, good luck,” said Aria.

“See you guys on the other side,” said Harry. He handed his gun off to Daisy and cautiously set foot on the branches. It creaked dangerously but held his weight.

As quickly as possible, he clambered up the various handholds they’d created and arrived at the top. His hands just about reached the smooth top of the wall. Pulling himself up with all the strength he could muster, he managed to sit on top of the wall.

“Okay, just nice cushiony grass on this side, come on up, I’ll stay on top in case the branches break and I have to help anyone up,” said Harry.

“Alright, Kate you go next,” said Aria.

“Gladly,” said the girl, clambering up next. She was quickly lowered down to the other side. Daisy went next, followed by Ryan. Aria came last and soon she was sitting up on the wall right next to Harry.

“You go first,” said Aria.

Harry nodded and let himself be lowered down to ground. Aria then jumped down after him, doing a quick roll as she landed.

“Okay, well the forest has been conquered, let’s go visit that town then, shall we?” said Aria.

“Aye, Captain,” called Harry, except this time everyone else also chimed in. Harry smiled at all of them. They were starting to make a pretty good team. Together, they set off along the grass, moving as quickly as they could. If the document was correct, the nearest gate with guards would be too far off to spot the five of them running through the grass, but it was best to take as little risk as possible.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
353 Reviews


Points: 35946
Reviews: 353

Donate
Sun Nov 28, 2021 8:56 pm
View Likes
RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

This was a nice end to the chapter. After all the build up in the previous parts and the excellent pacing, I felt like the ending was a bit rushed. It was as if you needed the chapter to end by this part and so you just ran with things. Because they have just gone through a terrible ordeal, I think you could have taken a moment to explore their thoughts and let them catch their breaths as well as the readers. Still, I like the way every scene flows into the next. Even though, the pace here felt a little rushed in respect to the others, as an individual part, I can find no fault with it.

I really liked the easy dialogues in this part. They are getting along much better than they did before and I quite like this development in their friendship. I like how this was brought about slowly with their shared experiences and adventures, instead of just rushing along and showing them as a team at the very end of it. The journey becomes more relatable this way as we have actually seen the characters be there for each other through thick and thin. Even their conversations have a lightness that wasn't present before, and I feel that now we have grown used to even Ryan's short non-existent dialogues.

I felt that the lack of descriptions in this part made it a little difficult to follow what was happening. For example:

he clambered up the various handholds they’d created and arrived at the top.

Here, I am not very sure how they created these 'handholds' and I feel that if you had showed the process, the readers would have understood better. The descriptions in this part are a bit vague, and because we don't really know anything about the fence, I feel like a few details could not have hurt the situation.

That's all!

Another chapter gone, and we are another step closer to the end!

Keep writing and have a great day!

Until next time!




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

This part definitely definitely needs a bit of slowing down. :D



User avatar
519 Reviews


Points: 37150
Reviews: 519

Donate
Sun Nov 28, 2021 4:37 pm
View Likes
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a tiny review!!

Okay, the first line seems to be a bit off if we read it after the last line of the previous part. Otherwise, this part was an interesting continuation of the last part.

it’s possible they had a switch to turn it on and off or something, and the drone just never picked up on it.”

What exactly is this it? I was a bit confused and clueless there.

Okay everything is happening in their side. That is actually quite good for the characters but ah, readers want that feeling, uff out of words. Anyway, after a long time, we got a relaxing part where the reader could catch their breath in a decent manner. I really liked the fun moments the part had, it gives the reader a light feeling after all those action scenes. This part was a very required part. And also, this showed that where there is Harry, there is fun. The chapter started with not so funny things happening but ended with some quite funny moments.

This went pretty faster than the other parts. However, this didn't have the very rushed feeling that the other parts had except, well, at some places I did feel the pace could be slowed down a bit, especially at the very beginning.

And now the adventure to the real outerworld begins! Oh my god, it's actually hard to believe that we have come so far. The fact that everything is happening so easily(well, it seems so unless and until you describe all the physical pains of the characters. I am kinda sure that they have it. Or did that vanish?) makes me think that something rough is going to happen in the city. The city is of course inhabited by the aliens. And now roaming around in the city without the aliens noticing them is going to be quite a hard task to do.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D

They're referring to a potential incinerating device like there is on the other wall.



User avatar
940 Reviews


Points: 95801
Reviews: 940

Donate
Fri Nov 26, 2021 8:34 pm
View Likes
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Harry,

Mailice with a final short review here before it goes to sleep (or playing video games, I don´t know yet…) :D

It was a good chapter. Looking back at the work as a whole, I find the build-up and creation of a climax followed by a shift to a new problem a well-thought-out way of keeping the reader on a leash.

But I'm also a little sceptical here about how you managed to make everything happen so quickly in this part. In retrospect, I found it a little faster-paced than the previous parts (without going into the suspense), which made it feel like this part only came about because there was no seventh part.

In general, though, I liked this part. It had a good ending and I also like the fact that the dialogue here is more central.

The chapter itself was a good conclusion for the forest and this story arc. The focus was more on the plot than the characters and I think I also read that we are almost at the end of this book, so now we have to be satisfied with the characters as they are presented to us.

This chapter also stands out because it had a more dynamic development in terms of the group between all five members. There was more "between the characters" something to see than in the previous chapters, which stands out a lot and I liked it too.

On the other hand, I think there are still some flaws that need to be ironed out a bit, like going more into the inner world of the characters, like in Part 4, where you see more of Harry in short sentences that once again depict a situation in a human way.

All in all, it was a solid chapter and I liked the fact that the threat here seemed clearer but also more familiar, yet not as unreal as I would have expected on the first read-through.

Other points I noticed while reading:

"The Fene".

Tiny misspelling here. :D

“Think that’s enough?’ he asked Aria,

Maybe that´s the missing quotation mark from part three? :D

Have fun writing!

Mailice




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D




That there's some good in this world, Mr Frodo - and it's worth fighting for.
— Samwise Gamgee