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Survival: The Escape, Chapter 14.4

by HarryHardy

The trek to the Hall was quick. It was clear that Kate had walked that way before and Ryan didn’t seem to have too much trouble either. Before long, they were pulling into the familiar space. After being out in the darkness for so long, it felt blinding as it always did. Daisy immediately made her way to one of the brighter spots to stand in.

Aria, noticing that, guided them all to that spot before calling for them to stop.

“Okay, so how much further from here?” she asked.

“Pretty close by,” said Kate,” you guys will have to remember like four turns I think. Shouldn’t be too hard. What you guys need to really master is the pathway inside that tunnel. Ryan, you might have a slightly tougher job.”

“Alright, let’s get going then,” said Ryan, “We need to be in bed before the other operation is conducted. Can't be taking too long with this.”

“Just a minute to make sure we’re all catching our breath,” said Harry, glancing at Daisy. She gave him a grateful smile and he winked back.

“Fine,” said Ryan, “but only a minute.” Harry nodded.

A minute later they were headed out of the hall, all of them following Kate now as she took them towards the tunnel. Harry’s heart was pounding as Kate led them through one final turn and started to count doors. She slid to a stop next to door number three. She stepped flush to the door, before taking three small steps backward and drew a quick ‘X’ on the wall with her finger.

The door split into two and slid smoothly into the floor and the road. A light somewhere inside it flicked on and a faint glow lit up the entrance.

“In we go,” said Kate, “and in case you’re wondering, it isn’t the X that is tough to remember.”

Harry laughed. “I definitely wasn’t planning on saying that.”

“Of course you weren’t,” said Aria. “Okay, Kate, after you then.”

“Sure thing,” said Kate, and stepped inside. “So this first part is a little tough and it begins pretty much in the next few feet. Put your feet exactly where I step or you might regret it.”

With those final words, she began to move. Ryan followed right after, Aria not far behind. Daisy and Harry exchanged a look.

“Is she serious?” whispered Harry.

“How about we don’t try and find out,” said Daisy.

“You’re always the smarter one,” said Harry.

“Come on, we can’t lose them,” said Daisy, making sure to step on the tile that Kate had used, Harry right behind her.

The inside was one of the better lit passageways Harry had run into. It showed a familiar rough concrete on both walls, and a slightly odd square pattern of some smoother material on the floor that Harry couldn't immediately identify. The light was coming from strategically places lamps on the sides.

Kate immediately began to walk in some pattern and they did their best to copy it. It was an easy pattern to start with and they made their way through quickly enough. It was slow going however, especially as Harry made it a point to memorize the steps as they went. After they'd been in there a good ten minutes, Kate finally called for them to stop.

"Here's the part I was talking about," she said.

"Well, that's definitely not looking great," said Ryan up ahead. They were walking in single file in the narrow tunnel and Harry wished he was tall enough to actually see above Aria ahead of him so that he could figure out what had caused Ryan the giant to consider it bad. He tried to get on his toes but stopped before he lost his balance with the awkward position his legs were currently in. 

"Wait, so that earlier but wasn't the tough part either?" asked Harry, "I thought you sad it was."

"I said that the part was a little tough, not the tough part I was referring to earlier," said Kate.

"That makes no sense," said Harry.

"Its fine. Just step where I step an we'll all go back safely," said Kate.

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Sat Oct 30, 2021 8:51 am
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...

Hi Harry,

Mailice here with another short review!

This was another very nice part, we finally got to see more and more of Kate and I think she fits the group perfectly with her character and the bit of mystery she has. She has a certain charm that I think is attracted by the fact that she herself tries to build everything up a bit, and turn it into a kind of show to surprise not only her group, but also the reader.

I think it's very fitting for Harry, but also have the feeling that there's something more hidden there with Kate and we'll probably see one or two more surprises from her. The part here had a great build up, especially in the direction of mystery I thought this one stood out. It seems well constructed and it gives you the feeling that we are now in a kind of "valley".

One point I noticed while reading:

“Is she serious?” whispered Harry.
“How about we don’t try and find out,” said Daisy.
“You’re always the smarter one,” said Harry.
“Come on, we can’t lose them,” said Daisy, making sure to step on the tile that Kate had used, Harry right behind her.

Here you had already made a good start, but then it went back to the direction of "to say". If it's a curse that's taken you there, you have to say that and we'll try to break it. :D But actually I want to give more some examples here of how you could incorporate synonyms. It doesn't always have to be a "proper" synonym like "to ask" or "to cry", but you can also put some adjectives in there to better represent the feeling conveyed. For example, you could write it like this:

“Said Daisy with an anxious / fearful voice” - “teased Harry” / “said Harry in a sarcastic undertone” - “said Daisy, shocked / startled, etc..”

There are enough examples to get a good dynamic in and it doesn't always seem so repetitive. Think of it like the wrapper of your favourite biscuits. If the wrapper is a different colour but the contents are the same, it's still a kind of "new" taste because of the exterior. Besides, varied biscuits taste better than the same ones all the time. :D

Have fun writing!


HarryHardy says...

Thank youu for the review!!

xD, the overuse of said has been a real problem throughout :D

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Sat Oct 23, 2021 7:38 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...

Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

This was another interesting installation. I liked the element of mystery you have maintained throughout this part, raising our curiosity with subtle hints and building anticipation till the very ending.

You have been going on about this 'tough' path for long enough to make me wonder what this is really about. I will have to admit that until now, the entire journey has been extremely elaborate. I am kind of impressed with the people who came up with this - the x marking and the particular steps on the ground - its all very complicated details that the aliens would know nothing about unless they were informed by an inside source. And considering we have already seen a show of how sharp they are, I doubt they are going to be so careful. Even after these securities, Kate claims that they have not entered the 'tough' part yet, which really makes me wonder. But I guess we will find out soon enough.

I have a feeling that we are still a little way away from the day they escape. They are only mapping out the meeting points now, they have yet to conduct the actual meetings and the discussions that will also probably follow. I guess all this is good build-up until then, but Harry or Aria mentioned in the previous part that they might leave as early as the very next day. And it makes me wonder because they have not finalized any plans yet, and I don't really see it happening within just one night.

And also, Ryan the giant, is a cool nickname. Probably a bit offensive on his part, but in defense it was a decent portrayal of creativity on Harry's side. There were again a few typos in this part. Nothing harmful, but they just catch your eye and you don't want it to get in way of the story.

Here are a few nitpicks:

The light was coming from strategically places lamps on the sides.

I think 'places' will be 'placed'. Even if it's not, 'places' don't make much sense here.

"Wait, so that earlier but wasn't the tough part either?" asked Harry,

The 'but' isn't necessary.

"I thought you sad it was."

'sad' will be 'said'.

Just step where I step an we'll all go back safely,

'an' will be 'and'.

That's all!

Keep writing and have a great day!

HarryHardy says...

Thank youu for the review!! :D

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Sat Oct 23, 2021 8:36 am
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...

Hey! Forever here with a review!!

The tunnel was quite an interesting place to explore. The best thing is the aliens will not be able to enter the tunnel even though they reach the place. Like they will probably not have the slightest idea of the tunnel password. The humans have become quite intelligent.

Okay, so this tunnel is highly risky. Like they didn't try but I do wonder what happens if one puts their feet on the wrong tiles. If I am not very wrong, that's a precaution taken by them against the aliens. Like maybe the entrance door will close and so will the exit. Also maybe all the lights will be turned off and the humans will be notified. Something like this should happen, I guess.

I am a bit confused about what "part" she was exactly talking about. Like not the library, of course and they are already inside the tunnel, so not the tunnel. If I am not wrong, is it by any chance the place where they(aria, harry and daisy) are going to wait for the other two to come? To me it seems so. I need a bit of clarification. The path is heavily complicated, so I would leave that part though I am a bit interested in knowing through which way Kate is going to come. Maybe we will be able to see that in the next and the final part of this chapter.

It's quite exhilarating how they were thinking that it was the tough part and then Kate told it wasn't. So, the tough part is going to be even tougher. Something very hard is waiting for them. A danger zone perhaps. So, we don't know what they saw but probably, we will be knowing it later from Aria's POV because she might be the only one of the three to actually see what was there. It creates a good sense of mystery. Hopefully, they will not face any problem while going back.

Keep Writing!!!


HarryHardy says...

Thank youu for the review!! :D

I wondered why we put villains in our stories when we have plenty of them in real life; then I realized that maybe we wanted stories where the good guy wins.
— nogutsnoglory