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Survival: The Escape, Chapter 13.2

by HarryHardy


[Aria]

The next five minutes were spent in a full round of ‘good luck' all round the board as the nine of them made their way to the exit.Ms. Johnson set off first, Kathryn and Mr. Summers tagging along with all three of them being from the same area. Ryan walked off alone a couple of minutes later, giving them all one last smile.

Jacob, Mrs. Kane and the others made their way back last, giving everyone else plenty of time to have put some good distance between them. At the door out into the main corridors of camp, everyone besides the Kane family went off in their separate ways. 

Once they'd waited for a while yet again, they were headed back to their hall, where Daisy went off to her living quarters.

Mrs. Kane was soon off to her room to sleep, and then Harry proceeded to drag Aria into room.

"So are you at least now going to tell me what the plan is?" asked Harry, as soon as the door was closed.

"Umm...well, I might actually be having second thoughts about that now," said Aria," I mean I couldn't tell you earlier because mom would've been suspicious and now I think I'm too tired to be narrating that whole thing to you. Besides I'll have to tell it all over again to Daisy tomorrow. I'd rather only say it once."

"I can tell Daisy the plan," said Harry, puppy dog eyes deployed in full force," just tell me now."

"Umm...you should probably have paid attention. Yeah, you need a little bit of punishment," said Aria, shaking her head.

"But sis, come on. Pretty please," said Harry, putting on his best puppy dog eyes.

"If you tell me what you two were whispering about, I might consider it," said Aria, a plan forming in her head.

“Oh, it was nothing, I promise," said Harry.

"Look Harry, that face doesn't quite work anymore, especially if you are going to keep secrets," said Aria. Oh you're not getting off easy on this one Harry.

"Fine, fine. I can wait a few hours. Been waiting several years for some avenue of escape to open up. I can wait. Okay good night Aria," he said, turning to leave, shutting down suddenly. It looked suspiciously like he was a little mad at her.

"Harry, wait," said Aria.

"Yes?" said Harry, looking back.

"Are you mad at me?" asked Aria.

"A little," said Harry, frowning a little.

"Is it really that big of a secret Harry?" she asked, keeping her voice gentle. She hadn't imagined that it was that important of a topic. She'd assumed it was something silly about food.

"Not really. I mean I told you. It was nothing. Just you know a little thing about a random thing," he said waving his hands. Aria frowned. His sentences weren't really making sense there, which meant he was trying and failing to come up with a convincing excuse. Maybe Daisy told him not to tell anyone? I don't see why else he'd try so hard to lie to me.

"Then why can't you tell me?" Aria asked, hoping he'd say something.

"I don't know if Daisy would like it. It was a little umm...thing that she had and I told her it'll be fine," said Harry, looking down.

"Hmm...interesting. So you're not going to tell me?" she asked, pushing him a little bit further just to see if he was going to snap.

"Are you going to be mad at me?"

"Depends on the reason," said Aria, before moving to reassure him. She could understand where he was coming from." okay who am I kidding, no, of course not. I don't think that you would do anything that bad but then you know, secrets are not something I am a fan of." 

"Some secrets need to be kept," said Harry, sounding a lot more serious than she'd ever heard him sound.

"I'll be the judge of that for this one," said Aria, making sure not to sound too lenient but secretly she was proud. It must have been something really important that they discussed and she was proud of him being strong enough to do that even in the face of a bargaining chip like part of the escape plan which she knew meant the world to him.

"Okay, guess we'll know tomorrow, won't we?" said Harry.

"Tomorrow will tell us a lot of things," said Aria, nodding.

"That it will," said Harry, suddenly running back and pulling her into a hug.

"Sleep well," she said, ruffling his hair.

"You too," he mumbled into her shoulder, before making his way out with a small wave.

Aria waved back and watched him make his way to his room. She quickly changed into her night clothes and lay down in her bed. She let out a long sigh as she tried to catch some sleep. So many things are happening these days. The things that can come from a simple spaceship crash. I guess we'll know how this all ends soon enough. Aria closed her eyes and she drifted off to sleep, her mind swimming with all sorts of scenarios about how the night's scouting would play out.


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Tue Oct 19, 2021 12:45 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Harry,

Mailice back with a short review! :D

I liked how this part turned more into the focus of the characters and their respective charisma. So now that the meeting has come to an end, I like how you keep the reader in a kind of suspense and don't give it away.

The change of perspective here I thought was good, also now seeing Aria's point of view. I liked the banter between the siblings and I also noticed that you forgot a comma a few times when a name appears after a statement, question or sentence in general ("Isn't that right Harry?"). There should be a comma here, for example. That's not a bad thing, but it's noticeable when reading that it restricts the reading flow a little. :D (Imagine me tripping over a pebble there, and then it continues).

That Aria is so concerned about what Daisy and Harry have discussed, I found a bit strange at the beginning, as she usually "overreacts" quickly in such discussions, but here she keeps more discipline and "being an adult". I think I liked that, also how this sibling dynamic was clearly shown between the two of them when Harry begs her to finally tell him what the second plan is. I think you did a good job of taking that point out of the picture a little bit in this part, because on the one hand I'm very curious about what this involves, but I also like how the siblings are the focus here.

Other points I noticed while reading:

way to the exit.Ms. Johnson set off first,

A gap is missing here.

At the door out into the main corridors of camp, everyone besides the Kane family went off in their separate ways. 
Once they'd waited for a while yet again, they were headed back to their hall, where Daisy went off to her living quarters.
Mrs. Kane was soon off to her room to sleep, and then Harry proceeded to drag Aria into room.

I find this part a bit bumpy from reading because it is so strangely constructed. You jump from goodbyes to your own descriptions, but the way you worded it makes it seem like you want to end this part as quickly as possible.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Hmm, yeah this was set to be a tiny conflict between the siblings for a bit. Just a little taste. :D

Also whoops...busted...I actually did end up forcing that ending cause I didn't quite know how to transition that. Gotta work on that for the third draft. A few relatively major changes had to happen in this section for the second draft cause my original meeting and plan were actually different but when I started writing the ending for the book, it naturally went into a different direction and I had to edit for continuity, so there are couple of rougher spots like this. It should ease up by chap 15ish though. :D

Thanks again!!



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Mon Oct 18, 2021 3:00 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

I was a little surprised by the sudden change in POV. Anyways, let's move on to the actual review!

Well, considering how large and important this meeting was I thought that it came to an end a little abruptly. There was so much that was discussed and a meeting like this does call for a little reflection. I mean, tonight they were chosen as the future probable saviors of the planet. Now that the meeting, the discussion and all the other formalities are over, what are they really thinking? Or feeling? I feel like there is a whole part you skipped when you could have delved into it a bit deeper.

I was also a little curios about how they all just went into their own separate rooms. I thought Mrs. Kane would react in some way, maybe hug them tightly without telling them why or something. After all, it is her children that has been chosen, she must have some kind of a reaction. I think she felt more emotional back at the meeting than now when she is actually with her children.

Now as for the slight disagreement between Harry and Aria, I honestly did not think that the conversation with Daisy was that much of a secret. I mean sure it was personal, but Harry could have just told her what it was about and then left it at that. But then again they are brothers and sisters, and siblings often have a habit of prolonging disagreements just for the sake of curiosity and enjoyment. I did like the fact that Harry did not move his ground, considering that he is the kind of guy who gives in easily. I could tell that even Aria was surprised, and I liked the fact that despite not agreeing with each other they did not met it come between them. It was also the first time we have seen them as a not-so-perfect brother and sister duo, so it was actually very interesting to read.

A tiny nitpick:

Once they'd waited for a while yet again, they were headed back to their hall, where Daisy went off to her living quarters.

I don't think the 'were' is necessary.

That's all!

Keep writing and have a great day!




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Yeah, this ending for it is a bit more on the abrupt side here because Mrs. Kane didn't quite want to face the two of them right then. But it is coming up soon...

BUt hmm, as for thoughts, I did rush it a little cause I wanted to move to the next plot point, definitely something to look at later. :D

Also I just felt like this part needed to be in Aria's POV...that's why I switched, I don't usually do that, but I felt this was required here. :D

Thanks again!!

Thanks again!!



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Mon Oct 18, 2021 2:27 pm
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a review!!

First of all, I didn't understand why you suddenly switched the POV in the middle of a chapter. Like you wrote 12 whole chapters with an individual POV of their own. It was a bit strange that you suddenly shifted the POV. You can simply add the previous, that is, the first part of this chapter to the previous chapter which was of Daisy's POV. Then, we will not have to see a sudden shift. Now let's get into the matter.

What have the aliens done to the other animals though? Like you mentioned puppy dog eyes. It made me think if dogs actually exist when the story takes place. I don't see any reason the aliens would tolerate them. If they don't exist, why did the human race come to know about it? History?

Hm... The conversation was quite interesting. Okay, so Harry and Daisy didn't have a conversation that can't be revealed to Aria. At least to me, it seems so. However, in this part, as of Aria, he was kind of angry and didn't want to tell the conversation to her. I am not sure if he was actually angry. Like he is quite good in acting. So, he could easily act. Maybe he was trying to convince Aria by acting. The other possibility is he was actually quite angry. It's not that that he can't be angry at all. Maybe he was seriously very interested in listening to the plan and was quite serious about it.... But, then when Aria took it in a very playful way and teased him, he didn't quite like it. My assumptions can be wrong as we still haven't seen his angry side. One thing I can say is Aria was terrified.

So, this was quite a good and a resting one, as you mentioned. Now, I am quite interested about what is going to happen tomorrow. Something bad is not going to happen because otherwise, it would spoil the total thing. Let's see how this works out.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Hmm, I just felt like the previous part had to be Daisy, and this had to be Aria. I don't quite know why, but yeah, I did that..xD. Its the one and only time it happens I think at least for this novel, some of my other ones have more middle of chapter POV changes.

Anyway, thanks again, this little argument was actually an unplanned addition, it just kind of felt natural to me...and yeah :D Well we'll see, it gets resolved sort of quickly.

At any rate, this little part and the 14th chapter will be the last two "slow" chapters. Then things will....well you'll see. ;)




"Now I realize that there is no righteous path, it’s just people trying to do their best in a world where it is far too easy to do your worst."
— Castiel