z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Tekky meets Shane (Spooksville)

by Halfbloodcheetah


Klyde led Shane into the lunchroom. Shane was surprised to see that there was a lot of good food there, but some of it looked weird and anytime he reached for the weird looking ones Klyde told him to not touch it. Klyde ended up taking Shane to a table near the back of the room. “Don’t look anyone in the eyes unless they approach you... They take it as a threat…”

Shane looked down at his tray, trying to avoid looking at anyone. “Man, you guys sure make a new guy feel welcome.”

Klyde patted him on the back, “Trust me, there are worse ways.” They got to the table and sat down. “The chicken here is pretty good. Although to be honest, I’m a steak guy.”

Shane listened to Klyde chat about the food, and accidentally let his eyes wander around for a quick second, and saw a blue folfsky watching him. The folfsky noticed that he’d been caught and smiled wide and winked. And for a second, Shane thought he saw fangs.

Shane immediately looked back at Klyde his eyes wide. Klyde was glaring at him. “Do you listen to anyone?”

Shane looked down, “I couldn’t help it…”

The folfsky walked up to the table and put his try next to Klyde and sat down. He gave Klyde a sidehug. “Hey Klyde! You miss me?”

Klyde chuckled a little, “Maybe a little.”

The folfsky grinned that wide grin revealing his sharp teeth. “Awwww thank you! You’re so sweet!” He gave Klyde a hug. He gave Shane a side glance. “Who’s your cute friend?”

Shane kept his eyes on his tray, blushing like mad. “Shane… Shane Sheppard.”

The folfsky giggled, “Tekky. Tekky Munster.” He cocked his head. “No need to be shy. I ain’t gonna bite you…” Shane looked up at Tekky, who winked. “Unless of course…”

Klyde nudged Tekky, “Tekky is probably one of the nicest guys in the school, and one of the most talented.”

Tekky gave Klyde a confused look, but didn’t question him. “Thanks Klyde.” He looked at Shane. “So you’re new to town right?”

Shane nodded, “Yeah… Just moved in yesterday.”

Tekky grinned, “Oh! You’re the kid who just moved into the house across from mine! I was wondering who screamed last night.”

Klyde smirked, “He met the ghost.”

Tekky laughed, “In this town, who hasn’t?”

Klyde gave a sharp shake of his head.

Tekky cocked his head, “You mean he doesn’t know yet? You haven’t told him?”

Shane watched them curiously, “Huh?”

Klyde winced, “I was going to tell him…”

Tekky glared, “Like he’d last long without knowing…’

Shane put his paws up. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you guys talking about?”

Tekky turned to Shane, “He should’ve at least gotten some clue from the ghost in his house.”

Klyde crossed his arms and sighed, “Fine then, you tell him.”

“TELL ME WHAT?!” Shane yelled, impatiently. Suddenly he realized, that everyone in the room was looking at him. He chuckled, embarrassed at raising his voice…

He looked at everyone, then he started to notice something. He had been noticing it since he got here. These weren’t normal students… this wasn’t a normal town. But now he could see something in some of them. Some of the students were paler and he could see fangs peeking out of their muzzles, like Tekky. Others looked messy before, but now Shane could see that their fur was peeling off in places and they looked almost dead… and there were so many others that he immeadiately realized… “Oooooh my god.”

Tekky grinned again showing his fangs. “Now he’s getting it.” He laughed, and slowly the others started laughing too.

Klyde stood up, “Shane… just calm down…”

Shane stood up and ran out of the room, yelling. “MONSTERS!”

Klyde turned to Tekky. “I’m gonna go make sure no one kills him…”

Tekky shrugged, “Sure…” He watched Klyde run off, “Oh I love new students.”


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118 Reviews


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Tue Aug 01, 2017 4:54 pm
PastelSlushie wrote a review...



Hello again, Halfbloodcheetah! PastelSlushie here for a review. Let's get right into it!

First comment: This chapter is giving me a vibe of Twilight. With the vampires, and I like to think there's gonna be romance between Shane and Tekky. Shane is a human, right? Ooohhh I'm getting theories!

Second comment: So, in the last three lines, you seem to have had them in the first summary, so I'm guessing it was sort of a sneak peek for the next parts to come? If so, I wouldn't have seen why the summary would've been necessary, for as I've said in the last review, a summary would be better fitting for the description.

Third comment: My only complaint would be the details. It lacks. While I do like how you described the food and what the students look like, I'd like to know more. Like, in my cafeteria at my school, they have the United States painted on one wall, a portrait of our seniors for this year near the door, two big TVs on another wall, and the tables are a pale beige. Do you have a nice idea of what my cafeteria looks like? That's sort of what the story needs, add little details as the story goes on so the reader can imagine the scene in their head.

Well, that's the end of this review. Sorry for being harsh in any way you didn't like. This chapter lacks in description, but you the plot and characters are in the bag. Keep writing!

Pastel




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Tue Aug 01, 2017 11:37 am
lolosboing wrote a review...



Hi! Here's a few things that I thought could be changed to make the story better. Firstly, I'm pretty sure in this part:

"and there were so many others that he immeadiately realized… “Oooooh my god.”

You spelled Immediately wrong. Sorry, it's not very helpful but checking your COPS or Capitalisation, Organization, Punctuation, and spelling is always helpful!

Another question:

1. If everyone in the room is a monster, is Shane a monster?

2. Why is everyone in the room a monster?

3. Are the students animals?

4. Is Shane a rat?

5. Is Tekky a dog thing?

6. Why do the others take it as a threat when you look them in the eye?

7. Wouldn't Tekky take it as a threat since Shane looked him in the eye?

8. Why would someone try to kill Shane?

9. Is Tekky a vampire?

10. "The folfsky giggled, “Tekky. Tekky Munster.” He cocked his head. “No need to be shy. I ain’t gonna bite you…” Shane looked up at Tekky, who winked. “Unless of course…” UNLESS WHAT...?

Other than those questions which I probably repeated in my other reviews for your work, I still love the humor and I still look forward to more of your work!

-Lolosboing




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Sun Jun 25, 2017 8:19 am
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Elijah wrote a review...



Hey there, Eli here on this lovely review day!


Oh I almost peed my pants laughing while looking at the poor new student, our main character in the story, get so scary and confused over the people, if people, around him. He is so much like the innocent so innocent main who everyone want to grip on. So adorable! I hope he braves up a bit though, if this story has a squal or next chapter or whatsoever, because I would enjoy it a lots! The story was short but thrilling, it was pretty obvious what was going on about Shane, at least for each reader that have heard about Twilight, so I do not think this part will interest a lots of us. But the main protogenist thrilled me still! I find him interesting, I wonder what he will discover? Is he the only human that there is in this new town? Tell us more about our main maybe! Maybe make a sequal or another part for him coming to this new town, maybe what is the view of this town. Some facts and stories about Shane's past before he moved out from wherever he lived before? I would be interested to read more about the one who is introduced to me in this part. And Tekky seems like a sweet man as well, even if surely very dangerous. It would be fun to see the journey or them two, will they become friends?

My only complain is that I want more details around the looks and personalities of the characters in this story, how do they look like? Yes, we all know how a vampire looks like. But they seem to be the same the way you write them to show us. Make some pop us. Tekky is surely more important than the vampires in the background, make him pop!




Shane was surprised to see that there was a lot of good food there, but some of it looked weird and anytime he reached for the weird looking ones, Klyde told him to not touch it.

“Thanks, Klyde.”



Keep on writing!






Thank you for the review :D



Elijah says...


Welcome!



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Sun Jun 25, 2017 3:11 am
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skylnn00writes wrote a review...



Hey! Sky here for a review.

Okay.... I'm not sure where to begin or what to address first in this. I guess I should start by saying I truly love this. It was kind of creepy, but not exactly scary, and it was funny. I'm not a huge fan of this but I honestly want to read so much more. I have to say I was pretty confused in the beginning, but that might have to do with me not reading the summary. Is Shane an animal? I mean... the story said he raised a paw and humans don't have paws... Oh my goodness. If this is written from the point of view of an animal, you are a genius! Okay, I should probably get back to the review now.

There were a few grammatical errors:

Klyde patted him on the back, “Trust me, there are worse ways.”

That comma I would make a period.

Shane immediately looked back at Klyde his eyes wide.

Comma between Klyde and his.

Klyde crossed his arms and sighed, “Fine then, you tell him.”

Klyde stood up, “Shane… just calm down…”

Same deal as before with the comma. You did this a lot and if I'm not mistaken, I'm pretty sure it should be a period and not a comma.

That's all I have for you. I can't wait to see where this story goes because I really found this super intriguing. I hope this is a helpful review and good luck on your editing! :smt001

~Sky






Thank you!!!




Have a biscuit, Potter.
— Professor McGonagall