A small seed falls, falls through the endless air. Down, always; it seems never-ending.
Everything is a rush. With nothing to break the fall, it can only hope that all will go well. The seed is tiny, insignificant. Unnoticed. Helpless. Yet, at the same time, it hold everything: it holds life.
It falls as hope always must before beginning; humble to triple its wonder once it grows.
And then it hits the earth.
It hits the ground, dents the soil. The soil is soft and healthy: the seed was lucky. It coils around the seed, surrounding it like a moist, soft cocoon. The seed starts to grow.
First, the roots. It grows a small, curly, pale one. A starting point. Then, it starts growing up. Towards the light. It urges itself on, pushing, straining against the soil that is essential for it. Finally, it breaks the surface. It reaches the glow of light. Of air. Of what it needs to survive.
It is naught but a minuscule sapling, two bright green leaves in the immensity of the world. The seed is no more; now, it is plant.
The plant keeps growing, relentless. Always up, searching for light, reaching up towards the sky, fighting against gravity itself. Always down, digging into the soil, inspecting every spec of dirt for nutrients and fresh earth, expanding the network of roots, what had started with a small pale curl.
Its trunk thickens. Its roots deepen. Its leaves grow. Its branches elongate. It is now a tree.
Thousands upon thousands of leaves, bright green, dark green, a thick, stable trunk, roots expanding in all directions, seeds falling all around. It feels invincible. It feels strong.
It is strong. But not invincible.
It is a crime of the very worst sort to cut down a tree, for no reason, or just for 'fun'. Without replanting, without use for the wood, the fruits, the seeds, the space.
Reeda Towson must have been a criminal. Right? To cut down that tree, for no apparent reason. To stand over it's fallen trunk, and laugh. To walk away without a backwards look. She must have been a criminal. Who else would do that?
There is an answer to that question.
Reeda Towson was definitly not a criminal. But what was she then? She must have been mad. If she wasn't a criminal, she had to be mad.
Reeda Towson was definitly not mad.
She was a very, very good actor. And as an afterthought, yes, maybe a little mad.
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Ilna - Chapter 1Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,429 Literary Works • 672,015 Reviews
Hello! I saw that you posted four chapters, so I thought I'd start at the beginning and catch up. This was a great introduction to the story. It perfectly captures the wondrous, yet mysterious scene of the seed growing and the character who cut down the tree. Good use of imagery. I was pleasantly surprised to be invested in the seed's journey; strong poetic voice. And that smash cut between the strength of the tree to finding out that it was cut down was so effective. I was intrigued by Reeda. Strong introduction to her, questioning why she cut it down if she wasn't a criminal, yet she was mad. Not much else I can say that the other comments didn't point out, except to watch out for grammar inconsistencies here and there.
Overall, great prologue! I can't wait to read more.
Morning
I love the line: “It falls as hope always must before beginning; humble to triple its wonder once it grows.” The imagery of the seed falling and growing is really great. It’s a beautiful and poetic voice. And it’s really cool how you pace the growth.
A few minor mistakes here and there. In the paragraph where it says she stands over the fallen trunk it says “it’s fallen trunk.” Since it belongs to the tree, it should be “its.” In another paragraph, you spelled speck as “spec.” Also, near the end, the word “definitely” is spelled incorrectly a few times.
The banana confused me lol.
Overall, I love how you wrote this. I can’t wait to read the next chapters.
Wow! I really like how Reeda was added to the story. Suddenly. You got the reader to get attached to the tree by describing its growth and how challenging a tree's life can be and then its gone. Cut down by Reeda. And you say she isnt a criminal, even though "it is a crime of the very worst to cut down a tree for no reason" which makes the reader really want to keep reading to find out why she isnt a criminal. Finishing it with "maybe a little mad" does something very similar. At first people may assume that she's mad for cutting the tree but i do not think so. The fact that you told us that she wasnt mad after cutting the tree but you added it later after mentioning that she is an actor makes me think there is a different reason. That makes me really eager to keep reading. Why would she cut down a tree if she was an actor? I doubt it was for a play.
One final thing, i remember you saying that you liked it when people corrected your spelling. This is more grammar than spelling but im pretty sure you meant "insignificant" instead of "unsignificant" in the third line. Other than that i dont think there were any other mistakes.
Overall, i love the way it was written, how dramatic you described the growth of a seed to a tree and i cant wait to see (or read?) more about Reeda as a character and im curious whether the tree will be important to the story
(This is my first review lol sorry if its lacking in some way)
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay thank you for the review!!! =D
It was very good, and thanks for the grammar tip I will correct that now. If you want to learn more about how to review I'm pretty sure that a mod usually posts a welcome message with some links on your wall (I think)^^ Thanks again!
Hi! I'm going to be using the YWS Smore Method to review this work.
Top Graham Cracker:
This is a very interesting prologue! I always love it when prologues have a sense of mystery.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow:
I don't really see too much to critique, but there are a few things. Maybe you could consider shortening the bit describing the seed's growth. I mean, having some words there describing the seed's journey is a great addition, but after a bit, it can build up to be kind of repetitive. But it definitely a good thing to write a little bit about the tree, in order for the readers to build an emotional attachment to it, so don't delete that part entirely. Also, how do we know Reeda Towson is not a criminal? You just say that, but what facts support that statement? Maybe adding something so we know why would make this whole ordeal even more mysterious.
Chocolate Bar:
I love how Reeda Towson just cuts down the tree. This is a great hook, a great way to keep the readers into the book, that is, unless someone gets so mad about that that they rage quit, but that seems unlikely. Reeda is a interesting name. It make me question her character and her origins even more. The seed opening is very good as well. As soon as I began to read, I was interested and wondering about this new angle, and wondering is always a good thing when it comes to writing and reading.
Closing Graham Cracker: Overall, this is a really good prologue, and I look forward to reading more of this story!
-CherryScriptAMK
hello! i saw you posted a chapter one, so i had to go check out the prologue first
i really liked this piece. especially the line "two bright green leaves in the immensity of the world". it's so moving and such a vivid image. kudos!
this isn't a critique on this specific piece, i'd just like to give you a piece of general advice. for young writers it's often easy to over describe things (story of my life). something to keep in mind is that adjectives are usually only necessary if they provide the reader with information they wouldn't be able to know otherwise, or are just information-rich in general.
as an example in the line 'It grows a small, curly, pale one' has three adjectives to describe one noun. small, curly and pale are all fine but if you cut 'curly', the readers image of the root wouldn't change much.
of course, you can use as many adjectives as you like. this isn't a rule, and sprinkling in some adjectives can definitely be both fun and immersive, so don't feel like you have to cut anything from this piece.
i also have to mention i like your vocabulary in this text. it's very varied so the text never feels repetitive.
i think the pacing is good, though the beginning could have a stronger hook. i would argue that the first seven sentences (nine if you count unnoticed and helpless) function to describe the seed falling through the air. this isn't necessarily a bad thing, but especially in the very beginning of a text you should strive to hook the reader quickly and keep their attention. if the sentences don't add anything new to the equation, they risk feeling redundant.
'A small seed falls, falls through the endless air. Down, always; it seems never-ending.'
technically both of these sentences say the same thing if simplified: a seed is falling, sensorially infinitely.
the next two sentences describe the fall. the next five describe the seed. again, adjectives are perfectly fine to paint a picture, necessary even, just be careful not to let them slow the pacing.
to wrap up i also want to say i really like the perspective of this text. you let the readers get attached to this seedling only to tell us someone (likely the protagonist or antagonist of the story) cut it down... that teases a reaction out of the reader that will get them to want to continue reading, great work.
i also like the actual introduction of reeda. she seems like a very interesting character so far.
overall this was a wonderful piece, sorry if this review dragged on. thanks for sharing!
Yaaaaaaaaaaay thanks for the review!!! Those tips are really helpful, since I hadn't really thought of my text in that way - but that's what reviews are for, I guess
Also thank you for all the compliments and stuff and especially for taking the time to read my story and review it !
At first, I didn't expect this to go anywhere, but wow oh wow it's written very nicely! The way you described the tree growing was awesome. The ending feels mysterious, almost creepy. It leaves you questioning who on earth is this Reeda Towson? Anyway, that's really all I have, I'm sorry if this didn't give much critique, but to be honest I couldn't find anything.
Keep writing!
Thank you for the review! It's honestly helpful to hear how other people see my story even if you don't talk about things that go wrong - so thank you again!!!
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the mortifying S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - A seed grows to a plant and then a tree, reaching out towards the sun…until Reeda Towson cuts it down, leaving a mere stump behind. Whatever could have sparked her to commit such a crime?
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, then you may.
Chocolate Bar - I love that you describe Reeda as being a little bit mad, it makes the story seem like it has a slight and whimsical sense of darkness, especially with the bit about the tree growing, because it looks uplifting but now has a dark humor moment. It’s quite intriguing!
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a fantastical prologue. I have enjoyed reading this and I will be certain to check out the first chapter tomorrow! I cannot wait to learn more about Reeda and…
I wish you a wonderful day/night! ^v^
Hello! Firstly, I am not a human, but a potato, and secondly, thank you so much for reviewing my prologue!!! It's my second post, so it's really good to get so many reviews. Also, enjoy chapter 1!
Yw!
Good morning ^^
Saw you doing a lot of reviews and decided to check in on your story :3
Oh the first paragraph has something very lyrical about it. Feels like the poets could have a field day here!
Aww I like this sentence: “two bright green leaves in the immensity of the world.”
Shouldn’t it be it “breaks” the surface, here? “it brakes the surface“
„It's trunk thickens. It's roots deepen. It's leaves grow. It's branches elongate“ It’s always “Its” here, no apostrophe needed 😊
Hmmm I’m not sure if following the the tree for this long will serve the story or not!
I really like the bit where it cuts to Reeda and how the narration talks about her.
I’m immediately curious about why she did it, why it is a crime to cut down this tree in the first place, why THIS tree was so important and what’s up with this town. I find the final line also very compelling :3
Hope you have a wonderful day and happy writing!
Join the fight! Write more reviews!
Thank you so much for the review!!! Also thank you for noticing my spelling mistakes, I'm terrible at that... I'll make sure to fix it. For the thing about the tree being there a lot, it's a long story: I firstly wanted it to be ONLY about the tree, but then I wanted some drama so I added the last part. I knew it was long, and I wanted the tree to be magical in a way, or actually be a hidden human or something, but it didn't fit, and I liked the first part and didn't want it gone. But reading your review just gave me a really good idea - thank you!!
I will also make sure to join the fight and write more reviews
I always find it helpful when ppl point out where my typos etc are so I had hoped it helped you too <3
Also excited to hear you have more ideas for this project!
i thought this was actually pretty cool because it starts off sounding like it’s just about a seed, but then it turns into something way darker. the way the tree grows makes it feel important, so when Reeda cuts it down, it feels really messed up. i liked the twist at the end because it makes you wonder what she’s actually planning and why she acted like that. some parts are a little dramatic, but honestly that works for the story. it's a lil creepy, but i like creepy! xD
Yaaaay thank you so much for the review!!!=D