Mr Helbert Ungdon
Was very tired indeed
He thought 'Let's go to bed son!'
But t'was too big a deed
He tried and tried to sleep
He tried hard all night long
He tried to think of sheep
He tried to sing a song
He tried to count forever
But always he came back
To the sad same fever:
He suffered of a lack
But of what lack did he suffer,
Mr Helbert Ungdon?
Was it of being always sure
Was it of having fun?
Well, see, that was the problem.
Mr Ungdon did not know!
Through summer, spring and autumn
Through winter, through the snow
He did not know of what lack
He suffered, so it was
That he suffered of the lack of lack
Of that he made a fuss
So Mr Helbert Ungdon
Could never close an eye
For when he thought 'The day is done'
That lack came to say hi
He had tried nearly everything
And one sad summer night
He thought he might just get a string
For 'I can't win this fight!'
But luckily, his friend
Mr Tibert Rodson
Came and brought this to an end
By sharing this conclusion:
'You do suffer from a lack, my dear
The lack of knowing what!'
And Mr Ungdon, you'll be glad to hear
Then put back on his hat -
'Thank you my friend!'
He bellowed round
'You saved me from an end!'
Then he slept, safe and sound.
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138,566 Literary Works • 672,163 Reviews
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the jinxed S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Helbert Ungdon can’t sleep because he suffers from a lack. He doesn’t know what the lack is, but it drives him crazy to the point of almost ending his life, until his friend, Tibert Rodson, helps him solve the problem. Now he can sleep peacefully!
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, you may.
Chocolate Bar - I like that in the end, Helbert Ungdon only needed confirmation that he was suffering from the lack of knowing. Not knowing what he didn’t know was what drove him crazy and a friend helping him out was what saved him. Sometimes all we really need is someone else to be there for all of the craziness.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a fun poem about strange illnesses and happenings that cannot be explained away at times. I enjoyed reading this and I will be certain to check out your other works. And now…
I wish you an amazing day/night! ^v^
Thank you so much for the review!!! This is my first work on YWS and it means a lot to me that people are actually taking time to review it. Thank you again!
You%u2019re welcome. :>
Pretty funny, nice humor. Rhyme scheme's a little forced sometimes but it could just be a difference in how you and I pronounce certain words. Never heard of a gentleman named Ungdon though. I wonder if he makes good Udon! Well done.
Thank you! I'll try to make the rhyme scheme better.
Darling dearest Mr Helbert Ungdon
twin, where have you been?
A bit of lore here- I went to sleep at like 7 today (I was exhausted) only to wake up right before midnight (its an occasional thing). Thus, here I am, reviewing this or I would have slept. Well, I would be sleeping if I had let myself, but I am currently blasting The Weeknd on my laptop. (I lack the attention span to count sheep)
Did I mention the fact that Mr Helbert Ungdon is my long lost brother?
The poem refers to a certain 'Helbert Ungdon' who was indeed, a very tired person. He wishes to go to sleep, however he feels a tinge of 'lack'. What's intriguing about this lack, is that he himself doesn't know what it is about (Eh?). Then soon after, the poet introduces Mr Tibert Rodson who is a seemingly good friend to darling dearest. He helps him understand and acknowledge is the lack that he experiences is of "not knowing". Marvelled by his interpretation, Mr Ungdon grabs his pillow and passes out on the bed.
So...when am I getting my Tibert Rodson?
Honesty, this is peak relatable content. Dude suffered a four-season existential crisis while I am crying about my homework. Reading this was probably what my overexcited braincells (only 2 left tho) needed for therapy.
Honestly, 10/10, no notes. It cured my lack of entertainment, even if it didn't cure my non-existing sleep cycle.
btw, how did u ever come with these names...I mean how do you know my bro's name?
Signing off to grab my own pillow,
nini
Yaaaaay thank you for the review!!! I just randomly invented the names, I have no idea if they maybe mean anything lol
You're welcome for finding your long lost brother%uD83D%uDE06
I was a bit bored when I made this poem so the lack of lack thing is a bit strange but I had no better idea...
Thank you again and good luck with falling asleep!