Nothing really seemed to be working out for me quite right since that night. That man messed me up mentally and I just can’t focus on anything else without cringing. The thought of oppression being an option to females wasn’t something I was comfortable with. Men just think they can waltz in and take charge just because they have the right body parts. Sometimes I just want to go over an intercom and scream out my frustrations.
“Higgins!” a voice shouted at me, grabbing my attention.
“Yes?” I asked, looking up at the face of my boss.
“Did you complete that report I asked you to do?” he asked.
“I was nearly finished with it sir,” I responded. “Sorry, I’ll have it on your desk as soon as I’m done with it.”
“Get on it, I need that report for a meeting coming up today,” he said. “So do not disappoint me again, Higgins.”
“Yes, sir,” I replied, turning back to my computer.
With the sound of tapping keys, the boss man turned away from my desk, muttering under his breath. I shook my head and scanned over the papers that were in front of me. Ignoring everyone else who was trying obsessively to get my attention, I kept working on the report.
About half an hour later, I walked the report down to Mr. Schumer's office. When I got there, I stood in fear. In his office stood the man from the other night, the one with chocolate brown eyes. Right now, I was clenching the papers, hoping he wouldn’t recognize me. I walked up to the doorway, knocking on the frame.
“Mr. Schumer?” I asked.
“Yes, come on in, Ms. Higgins,” he replied back. “Mr. Leyker, go ahead and have a seat.”
I walked into the room, and handed Mr. Schumer the paperwork. With a slight glance in the stranger’s direction, I went to whisper into my boss’s ear.
“Mr. Schumer, who is he?”
“He is the assistant executive of a company we work with?” he replied, answering my question with a question.
“Why yes, of course,” I answered. “My apologies. But I have finished everything for the day and was going to head out. I will see you in the morning, sir.”
“Yes, yes,” he replied. “Enjoy your time away from here Ms. Higgins.”
“Thank you, sir,” I said. Looking over at the man I said, “Have a good day to you sir.”
As I walked out of the office, I glanced back and his brown eyes seemed dark. I swallowed back a low whimper, it always scared me when men had that look. I closed the office door, and began to wind my way back to my desk.
Rili, my best friend at this job, stopped me before I got there.
“Hey Poppy, are you alright?” Rili asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine...” I started. “That man, I had dated him in high school, I had a bad run in with him a few days ago.”
“Oh no, what happened?” she asked, her voice sincere.
“He was drunk, obviously,” I replied. “I don’t like drunk men and he kept pushing to try to get me. I wasn’t going to stand there and let him take control of me.”
“Good thing, girly,” Rili commented. “I think you are an inspiration to a lot of women here, Poppy. You don’t take anything from men and it helps the rest of us learn that we have the power to say no.”
“Glad to be of help in some way, Rili,” I laughed. “But I have to go, I’m meeting my family for lunch today. I’m hoping that this gets him off of my mind.”
“Definitely Popps, enjoy the rest of your day with your family,” Rili said, reaching in to give me a hug.
I returned the hug, said my goodbyes, and went and grabbed my stuff from my desk. Waving bye to everyone, I left for the day, not thinking about the man for the first time all day.
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Canary word: Present
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129,569 Literary Works • 671,508 Reviews
Nice to meet you, GreenTulip! I thought that I'd read this chapter of yours and drop in a review of mine, with a few of my comments and thoughts. So, yeah, I'll get to reading.
...Well, that wasn't a half-bad chapter. It personally felt rather short, given that it didn't rely a lot on descriptions, though I'm honestly not sure if I like that or not. On one side, you have a solid and consistent story, and the main character and her plights are nicely developed. Clearly, this man tried to do something absolutely stupid, and she stood up for herself, which is nice. Bad news, his being who he his; I get the feeling that'll be a source of a lot plot drama, given that he's her old high school boyfriend who happens to be in a powerful position. He might try to exploit her, after all. So, this has my interest - you have a decent footing to develop and expand upon your story and its characters, who themselves come across as a little complicated. And, when it comes to this story, I like the main character, how empowered she is, and a life that's going to get a lot more interesting quickly.
However, one of my major issues with this chapter is that I don't exactly get a solid picture of her life. You did a good job of providing some details and descriptions, as well as avoiding keeping your conversations from ending up as talking head conversations, but I feel like this story could have a lot more fleshing out. In particular, your inconsistency in terms of this strange man, as Gummy points out, doesn't add much to his character and also confuses the reader. Then, of course, it's one of the few solid descriptions we get of him, which makes him seem a little shallow. Too, a lot of the characters seem to be defined by a single trait, such as the boss being, well, bossy. While the main character is demonstrating a little more complexity, and this is only the second chapter, I'd definitely advise that you work on your character development and the expression of their personalities.
To be honest though, I think you're really heavy-handed when it comes to your message on women and women empowerment. Not that that's a bad message to emphasize - I've written a lot of empowered and capable women characters, and have admired many others. There's nothing wrong with that. My problem is that you seem to be trying a little too hard to make the message stick in your audience's mind, and I think that might be hurting your story. I mean, the main character seems marginally devoted to the concept, as Rili is more than happy to point out. The main antagonist is basically a shallow man who tried to do some stupid stuff, and I'm a little perplexed as to why it's being more portrayed as "he's being an oppressive chauvinist" than "who is this creep and how do I get rid of him." That seems a little awkward of a response, and definitely theme-heavy. Now, I'm not saying you ditch the message - by all means, go on ahead. Female empowerment and feminist ideas are something that needs to express and discussed This seems to be a pivotal theme of the story, and I respect that. However, I suggest that you also focus on keeping your characters from straying into the realm of straw, flat characters with little personality beyond expressing the theme. If your story is revolving around this sole concept, it's going to hurt it, and the readers may drift away from the story if they cannot latch to it, grow to know the characters and their quirks and complexities, and have the message imprinted within them in this fashion.. The message is more effective, oftentimes, when it's not persistently blatant, but is developed and well-thought of over time. Just something to keep in mind.
Otherwise, I love this story. It's well-written, nicely composed, and fun to read from start to finish. Great job!
Hey-o! My name is Gummy and I am here to review this chapter of your work. As custom dictates, I've caught up with the rest of the story before starting to review this one chapter. Okay, it's not necessarily custom, but I don't want to review a work without looking at the big picture.
According to the Review Sandwich guidelines, I'm supposed to point out the good news before shifting over to what I think can be done a little better. Let's begin: For starters, I was expecting at least the slightest mention of sexual harassment in the office. Let's just say I'm very thankful that I was proven wrong. Just as Rili said, Poppy here should serve as an inspiration for pretty much every female protagonist that's posted on here. I mean, I'm not bashing on the Damsels in Distress; I just enjoy reading about strong women like Poppy every once in a while, y'know. Before I continue to the iffy section of this review, I like how you keep your Chapters short, sweet, and simple. It makes it a much easier read for casual readers and reviewers alike.
I had to read the whole thing over and over, looking for an opportunity to try and fix up... Fortunately for me, I found a noticeable inconsistency: When Poppy recognizes the boss's guest as the man with the chocolate eyes that tried to harass her in Chapter 1, she "clenches her papers and hopes he doesn't recognize her." However, later on we learn that man had met Poppy beforehand and even dated her in high school. Sure, he probably might not remember that scene at the club because he was drunk, but I think it would be a stretch to assume that the man wouldn't notice her because they haven't seen each other since high school... But that's just me.
So, those are my two cents. I loved this chapter and I would SO love to read any of your future works. If I were to give any advice to you, I'd simply tell you to practice and develop your own style by researching other writers' styles... But that's what I tell everyone. I'll give you a little tip instead. It might sound ironic, but I like my chapters the way I like my M&Ms... Fun-Sized. Always try to be as concise as possible; you're doing great so far.
That's enough for me. Happy Writing and best of luck,
Gummy~