The disco lights flashing through the haze of smoke as music blared through the loudspeakers that were set up throughout the space. Different colors reflected off the polished surface of the bar top. Glasses were clinking around me as I sat at the bar. Ignoring the male population that was within an arm’s distance of me, I stared down at the glass of Jack Daniels I had. Fingers trailing against the ridges of the glass while listening to the conversations around me created a peace within me. The rock music that was blaring seemed to help set the mood for the rambunctious crowd that was here tonight.
Fingers brushed the bare skin of my arm, causing me to grasp the glass, praying it wouldn’t shatter. Looking up, I glared at the person who dared to touch me. Staring down at my face with eyes that looked like melted chocolate, was a random guy.
“What do you want?” I asked, glaring.
“What do I not get a hi or a hello?” he responded back. “And why don’t I ask you for your name than?”
“Says the strange guy talking to a random guy at a bar,” I said. “So no, you don’t get one. Nor do you get to know my name. Answer my question.”
His eyes narrowed as he stepped even closer to me. I shuddered in disgust as he choose to place his hand on my shoulder. It appeared that he didn’t even notice because he kept running his mouth, probably to try to win me over.
“Well damn, ain’t we a feisty one,” he sneered. “I was wondering if I could buy you a drink, you being a very pretty girl and all.”
“Well maybe you are too blinded by your ideal look of me, that you can’t see that I already have a drink.”
I watched as his expression turned from lust to dark eyed anger. He stepped closer to me and I could smell the alcohol that was on his breath. I turned my head away so I wouldn’t smell it.
“I am going to buy you a drink, whether you like it or not,” he slurred. “You are going to take it.”
“Well sorry, it appears that I am not the mild-mannered woman you are used to being around,” I replied. “And no you will not buy me a drink, asshole.”
“LIsten here you little bi...”
“No!” I shouted. “You are not going to push me into your standard for women, when you don’t get your way.”
Seeing that his grip was tightening on the edge of the counter, I pulled my purse closer. I dug out the money for the bartender and set it down on the bartop. I slid from my stool, jumping when a loud thump sounded. I stared at the man, as he shoved the barstool against the bartop, with the glass shattered across it.
He snarled, "Where do you think you're going?"
"Nowhere with you obvisouly," I responded, trying to catch the eye of the bartender who was heading our way.
“Hey!” the bartender shouted. “Get away from my bar. What the hell is going on down here?”
“I was simply just enjoying a peaceful drink alone,” I said, “But this asshole decided to not respect my wishes.”
“All I did was offer her a drink, and she was an asshole after that,” he snapped at the bartender.
It was at that moment I wished that his pathetic excuse for hair was long enough for me to grab, so I could slam that head against the bar’s counter. His brown eyes mocked me, daring me to do something, to be more than a typical female.
Before I could do anything stupid, I slung my purse over my shoulder and started to edge away. Before the man could say anything I walked away, flipping him off as I slid into the crowd. Before I disappeared fully into the smoke and noise I stopped, and looked back.
“Sorry, I don’t like drunk men,” I shouted over the music. “Maybe you need to rethink your life.”
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Lies and Deceit- Chapter 2Points:
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I loved this. It's nice to see a strong female character not letting herself be pushed into doing what somebody wants her to do. Women need to know that they have the power to say no. They are independent people who have rights. This story has a great message, and I can't wait to read more!
~WannabeWriter112
I loved this. It's nice to see a strong female character not letting herself be pushed into doing what somebody wants her to do. Women need to know that they have the power to say no. They are independent people who have rights. This story has a great message, and I can't wait to read more!
~WannabeWriter112
Thank you! I was tired if seeing females being pushed down because we are female so I decided to make this character
Hello

Very well done!
This is Desdemona, and she sure is sorry for dropping by a little late.
I've been having exams all this time, and just finished by work with them. Whew! Now I can focus on my reviews.
Alright. This chapter is waaaaay better than the one you posted before, and I congratulate you! There are some little pieces we have to look at, and that is all
You still alternate between the present and the past tenses while describing the same one scene. Don't do that. I suggest you keep your prose in the past tense completely, as this clearly is an event that is done and over.
"The disco lights flashing through the haze of smoke as music blared through the loudspeakers that were set up throughout the space. Different colors reflected off the polished surface of the bar top. Glasses were clinking around me as I sat at the bar. Ignoring the male population that was within an arm’s distance of me, I stared down at the glass of Jack Daniels I had."
For example, just put everything here in past tense, and you're good.
That's all the errors I have so far
Love,
Des.
Damn. I thought I had it all fixed, but thank you, I'll be sure to work on that.
Hello this is Remington38 here for a review!
Wow! The description in this written so well. I could see all of this playing out in my head perfectly. I have not read the prequel to this but after reading this I want to. You are very good at not only grabbing the readers attention but holding onto it. I really don't know what else to say. Overall written amazingly and I am really excited to read more!
Thank you so much!