He hit the ground on the other side with a thud. His body landed on the cold tile floor and knew his forearms would bruise. He stood up; it was so quiet that each breath, every beat of his heart sounded like an alarm. The lab was weirdly empty and things weren’t left in a rush. In fact everything was so neat it seemed almost robotic. Every desk had a pen and a pencil, a paper and a computer. All arranged the exact same way.
Corey continued to walk across the room to the large computer screen. The window cast a sliver of light into the room but the rest came from the glowing blue screen. It was the only one left on. Corey was keenly aware of how loud his footsteps sounded, the only other noise in the room was the computer's air conditioner. His skin was goose bumped; he could feel it even through his suit. The room was so cold that he wished he had something else to wear. He leaned over the keyboard for the menacingly large computer screen and began to search for the files. He found it no problem, it wasn’t even locked. It was like they wanted him to find it. He plugged his flash drive into the computer and clicked on the file. There wasn’t anything on the drive so it’s not like they could reverse hack him. The file opened up a tab that read.
“Thank you for opening this. You have officially activated the bomb and started the 15 minute countdown. There is no escape from this room and you will explode with it. The bomb is located just a floor below you so don’t worry. You’ll die quick”
Bright red bold numbers were ticking down and with that the window slammed shut and Corey heard the singular door’s deadbolts lock into place.
15:00
The surrounding area around the tab went black. It took Corey’s eyes a minute to adjust to the newfound darkness. The real death sentence ticked down on the screen. The room felt like it was pressing in on him from all sides, it was hard to see and the gloom was oppressive. The entire room was coated in darkness and he could only see in the corner with the screen. What was he gonna do? BEEP!
14:00
The computer beeped as the first minute was up the sound made Corey jump nearly a foot in the air. He hated the sound as much as he hated his situation. The room was freezing which was ironic considering he was about to explode. He ran to where he thought the window was and felt around for a moment before finding the seam. He tried to cram his fingers into the gap but it was no use since there wasn’t enough space to pull it open. BEEP!
13:00
He tried to find the door he knew it was relatively next to the screen.
“GOSH DARN IT” Corey crashed into a desk. The edge of the box dug into his stomach, hurting his lungs yet again. He stumbled over to the door. He was in denial, this couldn’t be happening. He wasn’t about to die. BEEP!
12:00
He could escape. Maybe Mikey would save him. He was crying again. He pulled on the door but it wouldn’t budge. He wasn’t surprised.
“I’m gonna die, I was tricked and I’m gonna die.” He whispered to himself.
“They’re gonna have to identify me by my dental records” He chuckled hollow and empty. He touched his cheek and the tears were already cooling down from the chill of the room. Wait, wait! It was cold, there had to be ventilation! If he could find the vents he could escape, he could live! BEEP!
11:00
He ran wildly around the room, feeling the walls for a small grate. He prayed that it wasn’t out of reach. His frenzied search caused him to crash into desks and he broke one of the other large computers. He could feel only solid steel, no holes for vents. BEEP!
10:00
He lowered down to the floor and practically army crawled his way around the perimeter of the room. That's when he felt it. At first just a small screw but then he felt around more and found the grate. He slid his fingers underneath the metal and yanked. It hurt his fingers but he kept pulling. The sharp edge of the metal pressing into his skin.BEEP!
9:00
Corey started to worry that maybe he wasn’t strong enough but he jolted his arms back and the grate came off. He fell backwards with it, but he quickly got up and wasted no time. He wriggled into the vent. It was a tight fit but he could still move. The vents were like Antarctica, his skin was bumpy and his spine shivered like it was infested with bees. He kept crawling through the vents, his body was immediately coated with a thick layer of dust. Fainter now he heard the BEEP!
8:00
He just had to find the bomb and disarm it, it was only a floor below. He tried to be as quick as possible but it was hard in such a claustrophobic space. He noticed that it got gradually warmer the farther from the room he got. Corey wondered if he remembered enough from his class on bombs to do this successfully. He was worried and hoped his friends and Caldy were okay. A faint light from a ceiling grate caught his eye. Corey was above the heaters now. Barely even audible now he heard it, BEEP!
7:00
He couldn’t see into the room but he had a feeling the bomb was inside. So much of the gas was held there and if the bomb was to explode it would be triple the size. He pushed on the grate and this one came out easier. Corey guessed it was about a twelve foot drop and he took his chances. He dropped down.
“FREAK!” He felt his shoulder dislocate as he hit the ground. His legs were still in shock from the collision he couldn’t stand.
“C-Corey?” A strong and familiar voice asked. No it couldn’t be, but of course it was, Mikey. Corey rolled over, the room was unbearably hot. He could see Mike now. A wave of emotions rolled through him, regret, joy, pain, anxiety, guilt. BEEP!
6:00
“I need to disable the bomb,” He muttered. He was in so much pain he wondered if he’d go unconscious. He was just being dramatic though.
“Heh, I guess you always were one for dramatic entrances” The room was sweltering, the bomb. Corey pressed away from Mikey and took a deep breath he had to stop it. Adrenaline is a boy’s best friend, Corey regained his composure.
“Mikey, long time no see” Tears and adrenaline were really his closest pals as of late.
“Corey, I’m so sorry. I let you leave the house that day, I let you get kidnapped” Mikey’s eyes watered. Mary was there as well and she put a hand on his shoulder, but let him have his moment with Corey. Those words broke Corey, seeing the pain in his brother's eyes. He had hurt him. He had caused his brother amounts of stress he could only imagine and he did imagine. BEEP!
5:00
“No Mike it wasn’t your fault and I wasn’t kidnapped I chose to go. I wanted to keep you and Mom and Mary and all my friends safe. I have to stop the prophecy”
“Oh, was it really that bad at home?” Mikey’s unnaturally purple eyes were filled with pain. He felt as if he had just tried harder to be there for Corey he wouldn’t have left. Mom wouldn’t worry so much. He had known Corey was getting bullied but he still couldn’t ever find the right words to say.
“No, no,no,no,no,no it was never because of you I just wanted different things. I knew I could help and I had to. Home was great, school not so much but you were always there for me even if I turned you down. I love you Mike and no force on any of these planes could change that. You're a good brother” Corey’s anxiety had faded to compassion and regret. Mikey didn’t know what to say, he was too emotional, so he just pulled Corey close and hugged him. Corey hugged him back and smiled gently to himself, he had missed Mikey.BEEP!
4:00
Mikey pulled away,
“Corey, the bomb, we have like three minutes. I was supposed to stop any of your friends if they made it this far. Don’t worry though Mary can bubble us. So we’ll be safe when it goes off.”
“No!” Corey said, shocked.
“I can’t fail my mission” He darted for the bomb before Mike could react and he started to disarm it.
“Corey, stop it!” Mike tried to pull him away from the bomb but he was practically glued to it. Mikey yanked on Corey, he charged his hands up with kinetic energy and then pulled back with all his strength. Corey came off.
“I HAVE TO DO THIS!” He kicked and screamed against Mikey’s grip.
“I’m going to bubble you” Mikey wouldn’t give him a choice. BEEP!
3:00
“No you aren’t” A voice like silk wafted through the air. Claire stood over Mike and Mary. Two syringes in hand, one more full than the other. Before Corey had time to process she had stuck a syringe in the two hero’s arms. She smiled fondly at both of them, the fuller of the two went into Mike.
“Usually you two are such good little obedient soldiers”
“Mikey’s so strong with his power to generate any kind of energy from kinetic to nuclear and Mary the perfect defense, she can bubble anything and it stays perfectly safe and preserved inside.” Claire ran her hands through Mary’s shoulder length fluffy blonde hair.
“Don’t worry you sewer scum, they won’t remember that I drugged them. It’s for their own good, we don’t want them getting disobedient do we?”BEEP!
2:00
“That’s messed up! You can’t just drug my brother into doing what you want!” He went to punch her in the gut but she easily lifted Mikey up causing Corey to punch him in the face.
“You're a bad guy, Corey. You just punched my favorite soldier. You're an awful person, I know what you’ve done. You were such a good kid until you were corrupted by this sinful world. You’ve killed people Corey. Doesn’t matter if it’s an accident. You put people in harm's way. Do you remember Jason?” Her voice was laced like an angry preacher in false sweetness. As if she was explaining to a child what was wrong with their behavior.
At the mention of Jason, Corey got the worst mental image. They had been friends but on a mission. He had gotten an alien parasite. Corey didn’t know. There was nothing he could’ve done, it was so unexpected that even with using his power he ruled it out as implausible.
“I can see that look in your eyes, you remember everything. The way his flesh peeled off his bones, how his eyes faded to dull white orbs as the alien went through metamorphosis. How you pushed him off the building when he asked. What you justified as an act of mercy. He’s not the only one to die because of you. You're a murderer stopping the rest of society from transcending to heaven!” She let the words sink in but didn’t give him enough time to respond. Corey’s former friend had begged and pleaded Corey thought it was the right thing to do.BEEP!
1:00
“Mike’s been so much better without you. He’s happy. You're so irredeemable that I can’t even believe your siblings, but I need something so I’m willing to cut you a bargain even though you're the lowliest of human life.”
“I don’t wanna hear it.” Corey said.
“Fine then, I guess I’ll have to show you the stakes” She pulled Mikey up and unsheathed a gold and silver dagger from its hilt. She pressed it into Mikey’s neck causing the faintest seam of blood to appear.
“NO STOP” Corey shouted and tried to grab at the knife, but with a swift and simple motion she kicked him away. He had a feeling it would bruise.
“You will listen even though you're awful okay? I’ll let Mikey, you and Mary live if you tell me where Kate Gilman’s Villain's Academy.”
“You wouldn’t kill him.” Corey said desperately. Claire just laughed.
“You underestimate me, I would but I don’t even have to, the bomb will, because if you don’t take my deal you’ll die. There's less than a minute left. My power is that I can activate other’s powers so I’ll trigger Mary then you, Mikey and Mary will be in one bubble and I’ll be in the other. I don’t trust a feral beast of carnal violence like you. Your greedy hurting others for your own disgusting mirthful pleasure preventing the innocent from reaching ecstasy. So what do you think about my offer? You either complete your mission and I put this knife clean through both their necks or you tell me what I want to know and let the bomb go off and everyone lives.” She practically spat the words out as she described him as some sort of violent creature.
0:15
“I hate you, but I want Mike to live even if it means I fail, the school’s in New Hampshire” Corey felt like a weak and horrible person even though he lied to keep the school safe. He had lied though which was just more proof that he was terrible.
“Good” she smiled before pressing her fingers into Mary’s wrist causing a bubble to form around her and then she did this again for the villain and his heroes. Corey wept not caring as the tears rolled down his suit and onto Mikey. He banged on the glass-like bubble not to be let out but to get out some of his frustration.
He watched the bomb explode and felt its heat even through the bubble.
He had failed, but then Mike stirred and he remembered their conversation. He wasn’t a bad guy, it was just a hard world where you had to make hard calls. If Mike could forgive him then he couldn’t be that bad.
The bomb had gone off and Corey had failed. What would happen next? To find out pick up volume #5 of HOW TO BE A VILLAIN!
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141,257 Literary Works • 674,331 Reviews
Where did corey sneak into? Does he have a sneaky link? This chapter was so heart breaking! I cried as I read this. True tears were shedded. I'm reading this story backwards so its a bit confusing! Also Happy early birthday! I'm so excited for your birthday! You'll be 14 right? I might be wrong. Do they find a time machine later? Also when is this set? Like the year its set in. Does Mike watch baseball for fun? What are the characters personality types? What is your personality type? What their talents? Like what are they really good at. I'm just curious lol. Why did they want to become villains in the first place? I wish I could be a villain, I could do whatever I wanted!
Alex i watched you write this you haven't read a single chapter read it and maybe you'll know you silly bily
Hi again! I hope you're having a great day or night so far!
This, simply said, was a really neat chapter. What immediately caught my attention was the use of the bomb's timer to ramp up tension. It's a classic trope, but you put it to great use, illustrating to the reader Corey's panic as he scrambles to find his way out of this kerfuffle.
Also, dude, this line-
-hit me like a truck. "Maybe Mikey would save him," are you kidding me? That's simultaneously so sweet and so heart wrenching! I want them to reconcile right away, but I know the more interesting story lies in this conflict being ramped up to one hundred. I think that's the mark of good writing, when the reader wants to see the protagonist reach their goals, but is also equally enthralled by their failure to do so.
Things are definitely going to get worse between them before they get better, and I can't wait to see how that whole conflict is going to go down!
Real quick, though, I wanted to talk about pacing in a scene like this. Initially, when the bomb begins to go off, each minute is approximately one hundred words (so about eight hundred total). However, the latter half of this chapter is nearly 1500 words, which is twice the length of the former half. The resulting effect is that the first eight minutes are faster paced than the last seven, which might be the opposite of what you're aiming for.
What's really cool about creative writing, specifically first person and third person limited, is that everything we read is funneled through the protagonist's subjective experience- this means that what the character feels can sometimes take precedence over what is actually happening. What I'm saying here is that you can use the "length" of minutes to change the readers perception of time.
For example, the frequent cuts between paragraphs to the timer also ramps up the tension. In theory, this is a good thing! It's done very well, too. However, you lose that momentum when you forgo that formatting until the very end, when the time is already at twenty-five seconds. For the readers, and for Corey, the omission of the timer is a reprieve, implying that, for the time being, we are safe. It quickly becomes apparent that this was a false sense of security, but now, because all of the tension is gone, you have to work to build it back up again. Yet because the timer is mostly absent, the bomb subsequently feels much less urgent.
That felt like a massive block of text, so to sum it up simply: consider how your pacing is affected by formatting, word count, and your characters subjective experiences. This is completely up to a writer's discretion, but they're all things to think about when crafting an action scene!
This was a really excellent read! Claire is absolutely terrifying, her words, actions, and even treatment of her team are all rather sinister. I like that you're flipping the traditional "Hero vs Villain" roles on their head. I'm beginning to think there is very little difference between the two teams at all, when they're both willing to go to similar lengths to "protect the world." I wonder if there is anything the Villain's are hiding, and if there is more to Madame Mouse's disappearance then meets the eye.
Of course, I'll have to wait and see, next time on HOW TO BE A VILLAIN! I hope you have a great rest of your day, or night, and I'll see you next time!
Yeah your right I want to keep the pressure ticking on him so I%u2019ll add the bomb countdown back in.
I love how Claire calls Corey a horrible creature and is just about to murder her teammate over not getting what she wants. Her whole speech gave me religious cult vibes. It’s freaky.
Corey is too hard on himself, honestly. He still didn’t give away the location. He saved his brother and protected the school. That’s something!
I will check out the fifth chapter. I hope that you will have a wonderful and amazing day/night.
I%u2019m happy the vibe came across right! Claire ended up being way more freaky than I originally intended but I like where it ends up. What have been your fave parts of the story so far?
I%u2019m happy the vibe came across right! Claire ended up being way more freaky than I originally intended but I like where it ends up. What have been your fave parts of the story so far?
My fave parts are Corey and Caldwell talking to each other, Corey%u2019s friendship with Steve, and when he was freaked out with Annie talking to the clown monster truck.
Yay!