“You're late, Apex, because of such insolence you would be suspended” Corey’s vehicle operation teacher Mr. Devaton said. Those words were a death sentence in his mind. A suspension came with the removal of captain status until otherwise notified. He would have to find a hotel, his life was over. He didn’t even wanna think about how many inside jokes he could miss in the standard one month suspension! What if they suspended his friends too?
“But” he continued, “Only by a minute so I believe that’s excusable” Mr. Devatron smiled mischievously and chuckled before watching the worry fade from Corey’s face.
“I gotcha there didn’t I?”
“Yeah you did, please don’t ever do that again.” Corey was simultaneously delighted by his lack of suspension and annoyed by his teacher’s way of telling him that.
“No promises, Anyways we’ve got to get you into your jet right? That’s a nice model you know? A I wing Horizons.” Corey nodded and within moments the flight crew had Corey and his friends ready to go. The flight was relatively uneventful, a smidgeon of turbulence here and there. The lab was in Vermont so going by plane was quick since KGV was located in Massachusetts.
The plane landed in an open field about three miles north of the lab and they took the rest of the trip by mech. The scuttlor’s cockpit was too small for the five of them so Nellie rode with Ann in the monster truck. They tried to be quiet and not lose what little element of surprise they had left.
About what Corey guessed to be half an hour passed by as he stared contentedly out the crab’s windows at fields of tall grass and red clover. The small flowers grew in groups and each flower was mildly deceptive. The bulbous shape of the bloom was made up of hundreds of rose-purple florets. Corey lost himself in the calm country music on the radio and the faint but enticing, honey-like smell of the flowers. The fat fluffy bumble bees flew to and fro landing clumsily of the tinier of the flora. He was gently aware of Steve and Sandra singing along to the music though he didn’t notice his own humming of the tune.
The moment was over now though, they were approaching the city and Corey couldn’t shake the feeling that they were being watched. So much for surprising them. He should’ve known they’d have a lookout. He didn’t know where but he assumed one of Mikey’s teammates was keeping watch, probably either Caldwell or Firecracker since flight was the easiest for them.
The city was still full of life and people going about their day to day tasks. Burlington wasn’t a city like New York with great statues and buildings rising ever skyward, a testament to innovation. It was more quaint. The trees that grew in between buildings were lush with vibrant hues of Autumn. Their leaves swirl in the wind. Brick buildings and elegant houses lined the streets and murals were common. He saw one of a child and it made him think of the “her voice carries” mural back home. The collection of murals were of women from different communities and once a mural was painted, a woman from that city would be chosen for the next one.
As he looked out at the city he noticed that a handful of people were staring at him. Corey ducked into his seat more as if to hide. He knew it wouldn’t do him much good, but it still helped ease his anxiety a tad. He felt like every single person on the street was staring at him. The crab folded up fairly well into a car but it still stood out like a sore thumb. People knew something was wrong when they saw Cory and Annie’s vehicles, many ducked back into their homes. Sandra fiddled with her wavy, coffee brown hair as she waited for the light to change colors.
“This isn’t gonna work” She said it bluntly as she stared, absent-mindedly at the light.
“What do you mean” Steve asked, he had been drumming his fingers against the control panels for the past fifteen minutes he knew very well what she meant.
“Didn’t you see him? The angel? Cause within moments he’ll sure as hell know we’re here.” Corey had been right, Caldwell was the look out. He was certain that the moment they rounded the corner to the lab, he’d be able to see Caldwell and vice versa.
“Do we take a different car then, you know, steal someone else’s?” Steve fixated on the sky above them, uneasily looking for any sign of Caldwell. Steve and Sandra had started to bicker about the right course of action. When Corey bursted out,
“GUYS, I love ya’ll to death but can you shut up I’m trying to focus.”
“Sorry Corey”
“Yeah sorry, Steve thumb war?”
“No dude, your driving the mech”
“Guuuys” Corey pushed the word out through gritted teeth as he began to activate his power. Steve instinctively stretched out one of his fingers and wrapped it around Corey’s wrist and boosted his premonitions.
They steal the car but they cause a commotion doing so and Caldwell catches them.
They steal a parked car successfully but the owner of said car isn’t able to evacuate and gets hurt later.
Caldwell scans the area anyways and catches them.
Corey calls Sandra a platypus this starts a fourteen minute long debate about why platypus are mammals.
They steal a car but then Corey and Annie are left almost defenseless, Ann breaks her arm.
They continue on with their current vehicles and they make it out oka-
“COREY, the lights changed, pick NOW!” Sandra nudged him, the green of the traffic light gently reflecting off her luminescent skin.
“GO, the mech and clown car’s fine!” Sandra hit the gas and took such a sharp turn that Corey was thrown into Steve. The only thing stopping him from going further was the waist seat belt.
That’s when Corey saw him for the second time, flying overhead. Caldwell, his wings were a stunningly pure color of white and his round piercing sky blue eyes locked on to the crab. He tilted his head slightly as if considering something. Corey had expected him to dive bomb them, but instead he yelled out,
“FOLKS OVER HERE!” Nellie and Annie had caught up to them by now and Nellie had hopped out the window. Already ready to fight. Firecracker emerged from behind another building at Caldwell’s call. Apparently both of them had been on the lookout.
“You filthy little villains better run on back to your homebase, don’t try anything stupid or I’ll send you home crying”
“You’re not stealing that data, not over my dead body” Firecracker cracked her knuckles and grinned. Her suit covered all of her body besides her face and the palms of her hands, in a golden heat resistant layer. She wore an onyx black helmet with golden accents and an orange visor protecting her eyes. The only part of her face that was visible was her lips and just a touch of her warm cinnamon colored skin.
That’s when out of the corner of his eyes he saw the back of Annie’s truck get lifted up by an unexpected temporary member of Mike’s team, Excel. He was taller than a pro basketball player with thick broad shoulders Excel’s biceps were so large that Corey bet he could crush him just by flexing. Annie backed up the car though and hit him square in the jaw. He wasn’t hurt badly but it caused him to cough up a quick splatter of blood. It startled him into dropping the truck and Annie backed up, to ram into him again.
Corey’s objective was to get inside the building as soon as possible. So he needed a plan. One thing was bugging him though Mikey and Marie were nowhere to be found. It wouldn’t surprise him if they were together. The two had been inseparable since they were little kids. Corey remembered all the times Mary would come over whether it was for homework, horror movie Tuesdays or just on a whim. He noticed his palms were sweating and he hoped Steve and Sandra hadn’t. Sandra was piloting the mech to avoid the onslaught of explosions that Firecracker had launched.
“Sandra, can you keep piloting? I’m gonna scry.”
“Of course, if we explode it’s still your fault though”
Corey ignored the sounds of fireworks and bombs going off around him.
Corey spends to long in scrying and gets hit by a stun bomb
They scuttle out of the way and closet to an open window but Firecracker stops them
Excel throws Nellie causing her to break a rib.
The crab gets stuck on a grate , they tip over and are rendered stuck unable to dodge Firecracker’s next volley.
They didn’t make it inside fast enough, a bomb went off, probably one of Firecrackers.
Corey quickly lost his sense of direction as the crab scuttled up the side of the lab and towards an open window. He knew what happened next.
“Sandra stop Firecracker!” In a blur of simultaneous movement, Sandra burst out of the mech and tackled Firecracker before she could stop Corey from taking the driver’s seat and ascending up the building.
Nellie’s eyes burned with primal rage as she summoned tendrils of vines to help subdue Excel. He was too strong though and broke free. Annie sped her truck forward and then slammed the brakes which caused the car to lower down as it collided with the back of his kneecaps. The clown face thudded into his durable bones. The sudden stop almost sent her flying through the windshield but the car pulled her back. She giggled with exhilaration and thanked her truck. The impact caused Excel to buckle over. This time Nellie binded him with vines that were about one foot in diameter and it holded.
As Corey continued his ascent, Sandra attempted to slow Firecracker down. She pinned her to the side of the building but Firecracker summoned up a great explosive shimmering orb into her hands. The blast knocked Sandra back but she came back again and tried to land a punch but Firecracker was too quick.
Firecracker taunted, a smile creeping onto her face, “I see you're getting old, eh?
“Maybe I am.” Sandra went to slam her mace down into Firecracker’s shoulder. “That’s why I’m a lot wiser than you, didn’t anyone ever tell you to respect your elders?”
“Nah not really” She moved out of the way, but not fast enough, causing the mace to catch in the side of her arm.
“HOLY BLEEP!” Firecracker grabbed at the torn bloody hole in her suit. Crimson trickled down her arm, staining the gold and causing her blood to almost shimmer. Firecracker screams as she throws a punch that connects with Sandra’s face, but as she does, she sets off another bomb knocking Sandra unconscious.
Corey and Steve had almost reached the top when they heard the scream. Steve watched as Nellie prepped a bed of vines to catch her but they weren’t gonna grow fast enough. Steve stretched out his arm at breakneck speed, like a snake on a mission. Nellie understood what he was doing and tied his limp arm around her waist. Her powers surged and the vines quickly grew upwards and intercepted Sandra. Nellie lowered her down into the passenger seat of Annie’s truck.
Then since her powers were still enhanced she summoned up an unfathomable amount of red clover and swirled it around her body until she had grown to the size of a small apartment complex. The purple-rose florets washed over her body hiding her neon purple hair and deep brown eyes from view. Firecracker saw this and immediately tried to light her up with another volley of bombs, but they barely even affected Nellie at all. They just left small scorch marks on her giant floral suit. Some of the flowers were turned to ash and blew away in the wind. Nellie swatted Firecracker away and she went flying into a nearby building. She lumbered over to Firecracker to finish what she started.
Corey and Steve were so close to the window. The air was a little bit thinner up here. The building was about 14 stories high. When the crab’s pincers finally grasped onto the sill. Corey climbed out, there was no way the crab would fit inside.When he stood up on the ledge he heard a light chuckle.
“It’s nice to see you again Corey, you're looking as good as always” It was Caldwell, he had been waiting there the whole time, for them. He smiled genuinely at Corey.
“Likewise, Caldy.” Corey stretched his arms out, interlacing his fingers and stretching upwards. “ How’s the hero's life been treating you?” Steve was still struggling to get up onto the ledge without disconnecting to Nellie.
“Not bad, not bad, the General always plays manipulative favorites, but it’s fine. How about the dark side?” Caldwell spoke casually as if this was completely normal as did Corey.
“Well as I’m sure you know one of our fabled Jedi masters is missing but besides that I’ve been hap- Steve finally hoisted himself up. Corey’s cheeks felt warm, he wondered if they were red. He wasn’t supposed to be chatting with heroes, in fact just having Caldwell’s number (which he did) could get him in trouble.
“Guess chat times over” Caldwell frowned for a moment before flexing his wings and rolling his neck in a circle to crack it. When Caldwell’s head returned upright, his eyes lost all their color. His pupils disappeared as well leaving his eyes pure white. It was eerie and Corey hated it when he did this for more than one reason. For starters it was wicked disturbing and two it meant he was about to blast them right off the ledge. Which you know, tends to be unpleasant. In a brilliant flash of white light a blast of concussive force sent them barreling over the edge.
Corey felt the wind rushing through his hair and he tried to look at the rapidly approaching ground but the force of the wind kept his head upright.The blast knocked the wind out of him. It was hard to breathe. Steve stretched into a parachute and tried to grab Corey. Their fingers touched he tried to grab on but he was falling too fast and he was just pulling Steve down. He tried to grab again but his hands were too sweaty and he couldn’t get a firm grip so he let go. Quietly under his breath he whispered,
“I hope that Mom and Mike can forgive me and that they are well. I hope that my friends have success and that nothing will harm them. I hope that everyone I love will be happy for forever and ever and ever. I hope I don’t die” He felt tears leave his eyes but those were quickly taken from him by the wind and his eyes felt dry and stung. He was about to hit the concrete when luckily Nellie caught him. Steve gently glided down.
“You know what, they ought to give me a metal for this kinda stuff. Two in one day!” Nellie smiled at Corey and Steve.
“You’ll get in the people catcher's hall of fame” Corey smiled back and was incredibly grateful that she had caught him.
“Could you throw us back up there?” Steve asked.
“Course” Nellie scooped up Steve and Corey, wound her arm back then tossed them. Steve stretched out and Corey used him like a hang glider. When they landed on the ledge again they were better prepared. Caldwell didn’t look surprised in the slightest,
“I figured someone would get ya”
“Well maybe don’t chance it next time. You scared the hell out of me”
“I’m sorry, but since you came back up here I gotta.” Caldwell’s eyes rolled white again and the air around them was pulled towards Caldwell. This time though Steve stretched out and launched himself onto the shorter boy, absorbing the blast and allowing Corey to slide through.
“Go and don’t turn back, I’ll handle him.” Corey dived through the window and into the lab. Icy dread holding his heart in its tight grip. One question still lingering in his mind, Where was Mikey?
They attempted to sneak into the city but were quickly caught. A battle started to try and keep the villains out of the lab. Corey’s inside now, but wheres Mikey? To find out pick up volume #4 of HOW TO BE A VILLAIN!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Corey got into the lab!
That is impressive but also. Like what is gonna happen to him? I love the suspense in every chapter so far! I cannot wait to read the rest of this amazing story!
The way you bring all the characters into life, Not just the main characters. It makes the story even better! Giving them their own thing. I really enjoyed reading and studying how each character talks and acts.
The part where the car is stolen. Made me laugh, I just thought it was funny.
"They steal the car but they cause a commotion doing so and Caldwell catches them.
They steal a parked car successfully but the owner of said car isn’t able to evacuate and gets hurt later."
It was so hilarious! The way they make a commotion while stealing the car. It sounds just like them! Basically just like something they'd do!
Alex I watched you write this please read my story if your gonna review it.
headband I'm gonna cry
I really liked the ending of this store!
Hi again! This was an awesome chapter. You used each character's abilities to full effect, creating an incredibly interesting fight sequence. Even despite all the moving parts, you managed to give each character a chance to shine, while simultaneously fleshing out the hero team and hinting at a more friendly dynamic between Corey and Caldwell.
The first thing that caught my attention was your description of the flower fields. The imagery was very well done, and, correct me if I'm wrong, it also foreshadows Nellies part in the fight?
The best part of this chapter though was your use of Corey's powers here-
I love how you change your sentence structure to reflect the way he flips through the different possibilities. By making them shorter and more stagnated, you evoke a sense of panic in the reader, and up the stakes. It also creates a great distinction between current reality and possible futures. I also thought that the somewhat silly line about platypuses helped show how easily Corey can lose focus. I wonder if he'll get better at controlling his power as the story progresses!
There are a few small grammatical errors. I notice you sometimes miss commas. For example, in Corey's brief interaction with Caldwell-
-there should either be a period or comma after the second "not bad" and another after "favorites."
Also, in regard to dialogue, I notice you tend to format it as ""dialogue here," she said," and little else. There's nothing glaringly wrong with this, until the characters enter longer conversations. It thought it most noticeable during Firecracker and Sandra's interaction-
Because of this, otherwise very interested dialogue starts to feel a tad stagnant. Especially during a fight scene, the pattern of "Dialogue, action. Dialogue, action. Dialogue, action." starts to feel a little repetitive. I noticed a similar thing with Corey's brief discussion with Caldwell.
If you wanted to shake this up a little bit, you could try reframing a few sentences as something like-
"It's good to see you," she said, smiling, "how have you been?"
-or-
She smiled, "It's good to see you, how have you been?"
-rather than only-
"It's good to see you, how have you been?" She asked, smiling.
-there's nothing wrong with formatting your dialogue as the latter, but sentence variety helps keep character interactions interesting! In the end, though, it's entirely up to your discretion, and this comes down to personal preference.
All in all, I really enjoyed this chapter! It was great to see so many interesting powersets in action, and I'm excited to finally meet Mikey (maybe next chapter?) So, with that said, keep on writing, and have a great rest of your day!
Thanks! This is my first novel type thing so I'm not as experienced in dialogue action, this advice is super helpful. I was noticing that too. I didn't really know how to fix it though
So I will totally use this to make that better! I'm also super happy you got the foreshadowing to Nellie's role later! Who are your favorite characters btw?
I hope you have an incredible day! All of your advice has been great so far to so I'm like really genuinely thanking you here!
I%u2019m really happy to have been helpful! I really love Nellie%u2019s power set, but I%u2019m also quite partial to Sandra! Corey is also a really fantastic protagonist, and I like how he uses his abilities to lead his team. I%u2019m really excited to see his dynamic with his brother in the coming chapters!
Thank you so much! It seems like a lot of people like Sandra so far. I also wanna keep fleshing out Nellie more because I feel like she hasn%u2019t gotten as many lines and scenes. I%u2019m excited to hear more of what you have to say your advice is beyond valued!
Of course!
Corey and Caldwell seem to be on good terms, but with everything going on, they would have to keep it secret. Thank goodness Nellie saved Steve and Corey! They’re safe, yet Caldwell would have to attack again. In the end, they’re all fighting to protect humanity. In different ways, but they all care.
I hope that you will have a fantastic and fabulous day and night. I enjoyed reading this. Goodbye for now.
I hope you have a good time of the Earth rotation as well!