Hey, GalaxyUnicornz! Storm here for a review, so let's jump right into it!
Throughout the entire poem, you didn't have much flow. I think it's mostly from some of the awkward endings you had on your lines. It was choppy.
You also didn't use enough imagery in my opinion. You just told; you didn't show. In prose, 'show don't tell' is a very very common criticism that writers will hear. However, it is even more important in poetry. The definition of poetry is "literary work in which special intensity is given to the expression of feelings and ideas by the use of distinctive style and rhythm; poems collectively or as a genre of literature." (I got that definition from Google) To express your feelings, you can't just say "I'm sad." You have to describe it. A poem elaborates on those two words. A poem says what can be said in two words, but by elaborating it, it heightens the emotion felt.
you left your mark on this materialistic world
This line goes against your own poem. The person you're talking about 'left their mark on this materialistic world,' but you mention your amethyst heart, a piece of jewelry. I'm not calling you materialistic, but this line does go against a lot of your poem.
Overall, this poem wasn't bad. However, I feel like it would have been better as a letter or an essay. I understand that you miss the person that you're talking about, but this doesn't make me miss them too. I don't think that you cared about making others feel the same way you do, so I think writing this as a letter or an essay would have been a better choice. I just don't think that poetry accomplishes the goal you're aiming at.
Feel free to pm me or reply to this review if you have any questions. I'm happy to help!
~Storm
Points: 2200
Reviews: 235
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