Young Writers Society

Legacy here for a review.

I dislike how you used "consume" and "consumed" in the same stanza. Maybe a better word choice; a stronger or different verb could be used to replace either one.

When I read the third stanza out loud my mind put "lights" instead of "ignites". I don't know if that is my own personal word choice or if it is something that could be changed for better reading.

Other than that I like the poem. The ending is my favorite. I love how in the whole poem you are comparing her to fire, but are using different words instead of just fire. Makes it not too repetitive while also repeating the same idea, and that is hard to do without sounding redundant.

Hello there GalaxyUnicornz, TheSilentBagpipe here for a review of your work.

Okay so I'll just start from the beginning of you poem and work my way from there.
Stanza #1 : The first three sentences was good and it actually hooked me into knowing more about your poem. Your piece was flowing very well with mysteriousness and beauty (which is good) and then in the fourth sentence it just kind of dropped. I think the reason for this is because it was a lot more to swallow than the first three. If you read it out loud to yourself you'll find that the fourth sentence just doesn't match the first three. I suggest trying to find a different way to say what you mean while making the sentence smaller.

Stanza #2 : This was a pretty good one. The only thing is that you use the word "consumes" in the second sentence and then the word "consumed" in the fourth and it just makes it seem like you are repeating yourself because you lack a better word. My suggestion is maybe say "Roaring, a shield of fire eats away" or something like that. Just a suggestion.

Stanzas #3 and #4 : I couldn't find anything wrong with them. Good job!

Great job! I really enjoyed your work and hope to read more soon! I also write poems/lyrics and I really liked your writing style. Keep writing!

~TheSilentBagpipe

This is Kaos here for a review!

So this poem was interesting. I wasn't really into the first stanza because of its vagueness and that it doesn't really do anything special for the poem other than really an introduction for the person whom is being described in the poem which doesn't really need to be given away so bluntly. Your imagery style feels like one of fantasy which is something that I think benefits the poem but at the same time it lacks in some places. One of the more important points I want to touch on is the broadness.

You don't really have a lot of specific detail put into the poem other than stanza two for some and then three. You use a lot of generic and general words that get old and overused like "light" and "darkness". I suggest you find stronger synonyms that fit it better to spice up the poem and not make it go stale as quickly. Even better, defining what you mean by darkness and light and everything of that sort. Another thing I wanted to touch on is sensory details, which is exactly like it sounds; details of the five senses.

This would definitely benefit the poem in your direction by using sensory details to immerse the reader more into the poem by describing the fire. Something else I also wanted to bring up is this person that you're describing. Are they in any relation to the speaker? Is the speaker of any importance? Why is she important? Give us more about this character that you've kind of created here.

I hope I helped and have a great day!