Wrote this quite some time ago. I admit I'm not a poem writer, so treat this as my beginning. 
Enjoy!
____
Blocked myself, I know that I did;
And who couldn't see that it was a dying bid?
"I'm sorry" is all I can say
'Cause I'm backtracking, no I won't pray.
You see these lachrymose eyes, the wretched emotions.
What's in my faith, has been lost through commotion.
You never left me, but I left You;
I say You can never see, but You do have a clue;
I want to run away, but You won't let me;
Then You lead me to Satan, why not set me free?
Back and forth, I'm sick of it;
Please let me go, bit by bit.
I find it harder to follow up than down;
Why keep me stuck here, falling to the ground?
Sorry's no cure, it's from a parrot's mouth.
I can't forgive You, Lord, where art thou?
I shout and struggle, I know it's wrong;
I don't want to go to You, it's way too long.
Yes, I'd rather go wrong than right;
Because of You I've lost the will to fight
Look down upon me, I know you can;
And you think You are so grand?
What kind of perfection, You're just a lie,
Everything's a lie whereas I cry.
I am useless, I only know to fail You,
I'll never see that what You say is true.
Oh no, my dear, so sorry again;
I'm talking my fears, they can't be slain.
Nothing can change what I've decided
And I'm sorry you'll have to live with what is fated.
I assure you, after the end
Your poor heart can't make amends;
Broken and shattered, but this I uphold:
Don't you worry, your heart will be whole.
Keep your faith, and be whole, without memories of me
Until someone arrives, hopefully replacing me, that one will be.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Punctuation inserted. Can anyone correct me if I'm wrong, please? Thanks a lot!
Fye
Thanks, Twit! Appreciate it very much. *hugs* Yeah, I don't know how punctuation works either. I was wishing someone might help me! Thanks again.
I think I liked this draft better. It flows better, and it's less "emo-teen" -ish. ^_~
You're missing some punctuation, but I have no idea how punctuation works in poetry, so...
Thanks a muchies to all of you for the comments. I didn't think I could change it much though, considering that it's my first complete poem. Plus, this was written a long time ago, last year to be exact, so I don't feel the same way anymore. Surprisingly, I found it relatively easy! And since I'm not feeling so violent anymore, I guess what I edited made it less violent. Heh. It explains the PG quite a bit, though.
Again, thanks! And tell me what you think of the 2nd draft.
Fye.
Quite nice.
Some of the rhyming felt a bit stiff, like the words were only there for the rhyme, like here:
Otherwise, it was kinda nice. Maybe a bit too violent?
Oh my God. I heard it! I heard this in my mind! It was a song!
nice! this rocked even for a first draft. but keep at it and maybe change some words to better words.