Okay I'm not too good with lyrics but here is one I just jotted down. Enjoy!
Verse 1
*piano plays softly*
The moment seemed so right
You walking by my side
But now its all gone
You're gone----
Chorus
*Electric guitar plays*
You ruined my moment!
You ruined me life---
I'm dead without you
I can't even breathe----
I need you here----
But you're gone
Verse 2
*electric guitar still plays but it grows softer*
You don't even look at me
You don't even brush my arm
You just walk on by
Like I'm just the wall-----
Chorus
If you think I don't care
Well you're wrong!
My heart aches when I see you
My skin is cold when I see her
My gut burns when I see your hands in hers----
Chorus 2X
*Grows quieter*
You think I'm dead...
You think I'm gone...
But I'm still here----
Chorus
I'm like the wall
Like the tree
Like the grass
Like the dirt
You trample on me
Not caring that I'm there----
*Chorus keeps going until it fades out*
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Canary word: Present
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140,590 Literary Works • 673,544 Reviews
Hi there. This is good.
You get your message along well. You have a good sense of rhythm and a very nice flow. Flow is really important in lyrics.
Some things I don't like is that the verses and chores are very short. You also do not have a bridge. Personally the bridge the best in most songs.
Also, it is a bit of a whinge song. I mean you are kind of just complaining about this guy.
Anyway, It was still very good.
Wow! not a songwritter? this was great. I can really hear how i would make this song sound. i dissagre with lordgluzman, i hear the beat in my head. but it's only the way i would make it sound. i have no idea how you want it to sound of course. i would love to hear it to music.My favorite part is the first verse, it's a great song opening. I feel sorry for whoever breaks your heart.
I loved the song! It was great! I totally agree with you about it, I know how it feels, But that was more like a boy freind and girl freind thing... You explained that very well in your song. But I didnt really feel any rythem or beat in this lyric, but it is not that important beacuse you mite be thinking about a totally differant melody. But anyways I think that you deserve a star for this! I loved it!
Hey
but if your going to do the (cant think of a better word- so as above) "choppy" style of writing, wher you have few lyrics on each line, you shouldnt repeat your lines:
I write lyrics more than other stuff myself, so i get where your coming from with this
I suggest you have the second line as backing, or alter it
I think you mean MY LIFE here. ALso, contradictory to what i said before, it works here
I L O V E the last line here. ALso, maybe get rid of "by" in the line before. It flows better.
Not sure of the tempo here, but apart from that i like the last line here as well
Eeesh that reveiw was a bit harsh :S Sorry
Ella
XOX
Hi!
I think, that it will be very beautiful song. It also express feelings very well. I think, that this song will be close for people. Many people went through such things. But without music I didn't understand rhyme, but may be with music it will be better (I have the same things with lyrics in english language.
So, with the best wishes
Antonina.
Oy vey that one hit home. :S I know the feeling. :'( Seems to be just how I feel about my ex. It is so good, just great!!!!
good job!!!
I'm not a good critter, I know, but one complaint, it seems a tad choppy, maybe cause I can't put it to music in my head. No words on paper (computer) can I.