I wrote this for English class, we were supposed to write a short story that was only 55 words. I know its short, its supposed to be. It ended up being 53 words.
The lady held the sharp tools in her hand, me trembling. The sharp blades inched closer to my neck and closed my eyes, wishing to flee, but feeling as if I was chained to the chair.
Snip, snip. I opened my eyes, staring into the mirror and sighed. “Hmmm, I like short hair.”
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139,429 Literary Works • 672,561 Reviews
Hey =]
So, like the others have said, there's not much to review here. I liked this piece though and I think you have a good title for it =]
There is one thing I would change though - still making sure that it sticks to the 55 word limit.
I think you should change 'staring' to 'stared'
Other than that, if you want to keep 'staring' you should change the 'and' to 'I' but I don't think this option would sound as good.
Overall, it's a sweet short piece.
Good job!
xDudettex
I really like the idea of a 55 word story. I'm sure it forced you to think outside the box, if you'll pardon the cliché, and that's always a good thing.
There are a couple things here that would be clearer if you reworded them. I know this is difficult because you can't change the word count.
Instead of saying "me trembling," why don't you say "I trembled"? The "-ing" ending slows down the pace of your story. I don't exactly know why this is true, but if you avoid it your work will have a better flow.
I love the ending, it makes me happy.
MeadowLark got the other thing I was going to mention. If you write any more 55 word stories will you send me a PM? I really liked this and I'd love to read more of your work. Thanks a lot for posting.
Jenna
Wow, that's really short xD Not much to review...
You say it's supposed to be short, but you could make it longer by elaborating on the MC's fear and adding some of her thoughts. It could also be used, with much work, the beginning of a longer piece that practically says what this does: We humans have needless fears of things.
Well, that's about as much as I could say. Like I said before, not much to review.
Meadow