Love of Words <1>

I found this very interesting. I am left wondering what time period this is in though. I think maybe in the time period of Jane Austen or even in the late 19th century. I thought that this was wonderfully written and I only found a few mistakes having to do with commas and grammar. Take for example: "Why did me, being the oldest be the homely one?" Me should be changed to I. So just go back and reread it and that should help. I feel that you could have elaborated on your character more in this chapter for she is your main one. Also describe more of the scene. So us instead of just tell us what is going on. This sounds very intriguing and I hope that you continue with it. It has potential.

I really really like this. The story line seems great, and I can really relate to it. I have a sister who's only a little younger than me, so I can also relate. Can't wait to read Chapter Two! xD

Foreeeest. Okay, now that that's over...


I only spotted a few things, but that's because I wasn't really looking.

Why, did me, being the oldest be the homely one?

Tis a shame Catherine couldn't come, I believe she will soon be engaged. Oh and at fifteen."

He was rich, well at least his parents were, I wasn't so sure about him.

Hello! Nice read you have here, these are just a couple of my thoughts and feelings:

Forestqueen808 wrote:
Love of Words
Chapter 1

I sighed as my white feather quill placed a dot at the end of the sentence. I blew on the black scribbles, hoping the ink not to smear hoping that the ink would not smear - reads better. Revise this. I turned my head to look out my window. I had a small view of town, the steeple of the church just barely visible above the green hills. A lake was a little ways way - no plural needed off, beautiful snowy white swans swimming in its crystal clear water. Good description, but try to keep the atmosphere, the water wouldn't necessarily be crystal clear at such a distance. Use phrases like "I could just make out", etc.[

"Oh dear, Oh dear makes this read sarcastic in my opinion, I'd just have it as "What should happen next?" what should happen next?" I asked myself. I read the chapter I had just finished over and over again, but nothing terribly exciting would come to my mind. I like this, it's interacting with the reader.
Meanwhile, inside my book the mistress Alexandria had just been murdered by her own husband, leaving their fifteen year old daughter terrified, and running.
I lay my head down on my desk, my ebony hair coming out of its messy bun. "Something has to happen," I muttered. "But what?" This is good character development, but I feel you need to find something captivating to hook your reader.
"Abagail!" my mother's shrill voice echoed up our wooden stairs.
"Coming!" I shouted back down. "Guess you'll have to wait Jane," I smiled and set aside the stack of papers. I quickly walked down the stairs, trying not to rip the hem of my dress. This is good, readers can assosciate with this.

I walked to where my mother was waiting. "I'm going into town I'll be back around-" she stopped. "What is that on your face?"
I touched my face, dark ink appearing on my fingertips. I smiled, and laughed slightly. "Um, ink?"
My mother tskd what's 'tskd'? and then looked down at my dress. "Oh Abigail! Look at your dress!" I looked down and saw the white spring dress dotted with black. "Well, I want to take you into town. I hear there are some fine suitors in town." This dialogue is slightly wooden at how quickly your character changes the subject. Perhaps elaborate on the dress more? But your dialogue is well structured.

I groaned and looked up the stairs longingly. I had no desire to go into town, I just wanted to finish writing. We all feel like this! [

"Well, hurry up!" my mother barked. "Go and change, then we will go to town." barked? woah! Change of character here, this could be good or bad depending on if you keep up the personality ideas.

"Yes ma'am," I said and went up the stairs, as slowly as possible.

"Hurry up Abigail! I'm going to be late for lunch with Lady Isabella!"

I groaned even louder. Not Lady Isabella Watson. She only wanted to criticize my looks, my actions, and my stupidity. I wasn't amazing at the piano forte, I couldn't even sew a cross stitch, and according to her I would never marry a man with a fortune. Well written and good plot development as well as a good introduction to a new character! - Reads a little like Jane Austen, very professional!
I walked into my room and changed into a pink and white muslin dress, glancing at myself in the mirror. My hair was falling out of its bun, but I didn't care. A few ringlets fell by my ear, and my blue eyes weren't bright and big like my blond blue eyed sister Catherine. "sister, Catherine." Make sure you use commas and pick up on any other small grammar errors.

Why, did me, being the oldest be the homely one? I sighed and walked down the stairs again to where my mother was waiting. "Hurry!" she shook with anxiety and we walked out to where the carriage was waiting for us. I like this.

"Lady Isabella has been looking forward to see you again. Tis Make sure you take extra care with slang in dialogue, use grammar where necessary. I'd personally write this as "T'is" but that's just me a shame Catherine couldn't come, I believe she will soon be engaged. Oh and at fifteen." Very good, you've created a potential plot from dialogue - excellent.

"To whom?" I asked.

"Captain Liters," she smiled and I rolled my eyes. I truly hoped Catherine wouldn't marry the captain. He had a long pointed nose and buck teeth, I shuddered at the thought. Surely there were other suitors better than him. He was rich, well at least his parents were, I wasn't so sure about him. Very good character introduction, brilliant!

But maybe, don't need the comma here one of the reasons I didn't want Catherine to marry him was because I didn't want her to be married before her older sister.

Hiya! I spotted your second chapter so realized I should read the first...and then decided to review it. So, here it goes!

I blew on the black scribbles, hoping the ink not to smear.

"Guess you'll have to wait Jane," I smiled and set aside the stack of papers.

I quickly walked down the stairs, trying not to rip the hem of my dress.

I walked to where my mother was waiting.

I looked down and saw the white spring dress dotted with black.

"Well, I want to take you into town. I hear there are some fine suitors in town."

I groaned and looked up the stairs longingly. I had no desire to go into town, I just wanted to finish writing.

Not Lady Isabella Watson.

Why, did me, being the oldest be the homely one?

"Hurry!" she shook with anxiety and we walked out to where the carriage was waiting for us.

"Lady Isabella has been looking forward to see you again. Tis a shame Catherine couldn't come, I believe she will soon be engaged. Oh and at fifteen."
"To whom?" I asked.

If this was a book, it would be one I would definitely read. This a good beginning, you lay down setting, character, and a hint of plot. The only thing that bothered me what exactly what time period this was meant to be, and this sentence:

I blew on the black scribbles, hoping the ink not to smear.

"I guess you'll have to come into town with me and we'll buy a new dress, since I know that one won't wash well."