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Young Writers Society



Southern New York 1 (A fanfiction of Northanger Abbey)

by Forestqueen808


Here is something for all you Jane Austen lovers! A modern day twisted Northanger Abbey!

I sighed as I read the glorious words spoken by the glittering vampire. I laid on my hammock, placing my book to my chest, breathing in the scent of its pages. How I wished to be in that book, I would have given anything, just to be with my own vampire.

I was so average, and everybody was so dull in this world. Why couldn’t it be like Stephenie Meyer had described it in Forks? Why weren’t there vampires like Edward who could sweep me off my feet? It seemed as if everybody was so serious and all the boys were just plain stupid, not romantic and God-like.

“Asylin!” my mom called from the front porch. “Mr. and Mrs. Anderson are here!” I sadly closed my book and walked inside, being greeted by the lovely faces of our family friends. They were sitting on our couch, my brother playing with his toy cars on the floor.

“Mr. and Mrs. Anderson have a surprise for you Asylin,” my mom smiled at me and then cast a look at the happy couple. Mr. and Mrs. Anderson were a young couple, but very rich, since their parents owned much land. Mrs. Anderson was dressed in skinny jeans and a black shirt while Mr. Anderson was in similar jeans and a flannel shirt.

“Asylin, you are seventeen now, are you not?” Mrs. Anderson asked. I nodded in response. “Well, we heard how much you love traveling, and we want you to come with us to New York City.” My eyes must have gone wide because the couple began chuckling. I stared at my mom and she nodded quickly.

“Yes! Thank you!” I leapt from the couch, acting as giddy as a baby and threw my arms around them. I would be going to New York City, I wouldn’t be stuck in Albany for much longer. I would be free.

That night, I packed quickly and climbed into my bed, turning the pages to my bookmark. I pulled out the slip of paper and was soon lost in the girl’s words. Though I was excited for the trip, not even that could make my mind wander from the loving words and terror of other vampires chasing them.

I was in Bella’s place. Edward’s arms were wrapped around me, and his skin glittered like sparkles and I could hear hisses from the red headed woman and her mate. “We have to get you out of here,” Edward’s luscious voice whispered in my ear.

“No!” I cried. “I want to help! Please! I can, just bite me, please!” I held out my wrist and I could see him trying to resist with all his might, but this is what I wanted….all that I wanted….

I woke up with black words in front of my eyes, the pages were creased with folds, and I realized I had fallen asleep reading. I looked at my alarm and gasped as I read the time. I was supposed to leave in nearly an hour!

I quickly jumped in and out of the shower and shoved cereal in my mouth. I heard a car beeping outside and ran out with my bags, my hair still wet, but drying in the summer heat. “Bye!” I called to my little brother and older sister, and my mom and dad of course.

The packed Ferrari zoomed along the highway, and I could feel myself sighing with relief at being able to finally have my own adventure. It seemed to good to be true, almost like a fantasy. I couldn’t believe that I was actually riding in a FERRARI! I was on my way to New York City to top that off! It totally seemed unreal and I couldn’t help but imagine that secretly Mr. and Mrs. Anderson were vampires, accepting me into their lives. The radio blasted hip hop and rap and we all sang along having a great time, and my mind still thinking about the vampire romance novel in my bag.

We arrived in New York City and stayed in a fancy hotel. I wanted to just run out and explore the wondrous city I had only dreamed of going to. But Mrs. Anderson stated that the room must be set up accordingly.

But still, even looking out the window from a hotel in New York City is magical right? After we had our room and who’s bed was who’s and such, we went to lunch down in the lobby. As we began talking Mrs. Anderson noted on how no one she knew was staying at the same hotel, which seemed quite odd, since she knew so many people who stayed at the hotel regularly.

After I finished my meal of Alfredo and Cheesecake (not together!) I went to our room, and laid on my bed, carefully taking out the beloved black novel. I was so enthralled with the words I did not notice Mr. and Mrs. Anderson come in until they told me there was to be a dance in the lobby the next night.

Me, being a girl of romance couldn’t resist but say yes to going. As we drove to the Statue of Liberty I felt gazes on our luxiuiourus car, and couldn’t help but feel proud that I was here, having and adventure of my own. And who knew when it would end, or should I say, how it would end?


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1125 Reviews


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Mon Dec 28, 2009 6:42 pm
StellaThomas wrote a review...



Hey Emily, Stella here!

I. NITPICKS

I sighed as I read the glorious words spoken from the glittering vampire.


Spoken by, maybe?

I sadly closed my book and walked inside, being greeted by the lovely faces of our family friends.


I feel you could easily spruce this sentence up. Maybe a new paragraph is necessary. Feel free to describe the Andersons.

“Well, we heard how much you love traveling and reading,


What has reading got to do with it?

“Yes! Thank you!”


This should be a new paragraph.

supplied, we went to lunch down in the lobby.


They're in a hotel, yet they're buying their own food?

Alright...

II. PACING

My biggest piece of advice here would be: slow down! You can take your time. Firstly, let us get further into her love of the book before she's pulled out of the reverie. Let us see her make her way inside. When she meets the Andersons, take time for them to have a little small talk- and give yourself time for description. It's moving so fast, we're barely registering the details. And things like the Ferrari- have you ever ridden in a Ferrari? Think of how brilliant it must be! Tell us that! Tell us what they did on the journey- tell us about her packing, give us details about saying goodbye to her family, let us into her head that night!

Take your time and flesh your story out on the way. At the moment it's just the bones, and nobody likes eating the bones except dogs, it's meat we're looking for.

III. FAITHFULNESS

I have to say, the first page of Northanger Abbey completely delighted me. Catherine Morland is average. And it disgusts her. I'd love to see Asylin having similar sentiments. Does she look round at the people around her wishing they were vampires and werewolves? Does she imagine it only to be disillusioned? Northanger Abbey is an incredibly fun book because Catherine is so exasperated with her life. She's constantly looking for the romance she finds in her books, from the very onset. So let Asylin do the same!

IV. OVERALL

I like your idea of a modern take on the classic, it's original and very fresh!

Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!

-Stella x




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Sun Dec 27, 2009 3:44 am
MKate wrote a review...



Nicely written, Forest, I like it!

K', I've never read 'Twilight', since I suppose that that is the book Asylin is reading, (and personally, never intend to :P) but I have read 'Northanger Abbey' and enjoyed it immensely, so for the sake of this being a fanfiction of so said book, I'll forgive (and perhaps, -since I do sometimes wonder what's in that book- even enjoy) any references to that book.

My only real suggestion is that you describe more, and perhaps loosen up the people's dialogue, right now, it sounds a little bit forced :)

Keep writing, I'd love to read more!

~Mel





There are those who say that life is like a book, with chapters for each event in your life and a limited number of pages on which you can spend your time. But I prefer to think that a book is like a life, particularly a good one, which is well to worth staying up all night to finish.
— Lemony Snicket