Two Weeks Notice 2.3 (Final Scene)

Act I, Scene 1; Act I, Scene 2; Act I, Scene 3

Act II, Scene 1; Act II, Scene 2

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the final scene. Thanks to everyone who has followed the whole play and given me some great feedback!

SCENE 3

Same apartment, the day of the suicide. Scene opens with DAVID dressed in business causal, talking on the phone.

DAVID

So that's it? I'm all registered? Perfect! Just the two classes, right? The Introduction to Cuisine and Ballroom Dancing classes? Excellent. Thanks so much for doing this, Linda. I really appreciate it. Yeah, you, too. Bye.

(He hangs up the phone)

Wow. Crazy how that worked out. Who knew I could find so much joy in the darkest moments of my life? I should celebrate.

(He picks up the phone and dials a number. While waiting for someone to pick up, he notices that he has no food or drink in his apartment.)

Oh shit. I need to get groceries.

DAVID hangs up the phone, grabs his keys and coat, and leaves. The phone rings. DAVID's answering machine picks up.

DAVID

(Off-stage)

Hi. You've reached the residence of David Cavanaugh. I'm not able to answer your call, so please leave your name, number, and short message, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Thanks!

Answering machine beeps.

MOM

(Off-stage)

David? Saw your number on the caller ID, but you hung up before I could answer. Are you okay? Pick up the phone. David. Pick up the phone. Oh God.

MOM hangs up. Silence. The phone rings again. DAVID's answering machine picks up.

DAVID

(Off-stage)

Hi. You've reached the residence of David Cavanaugh. I'm not able to answer your call, so please leave your name, number, and short message, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Thanks!

Answering machine beeps.

MOM

(Off-stage)

David, pick up the phone. David! Where are you? I'm calling Wayne. We're coming over right now.

MOM hangs up. Silence. The phone rings again. DAVID's answering machine picks up.

DAVID

(Off-stage)

Hi. You've reached the residence of David Cavanaugh. I'm not able to answer your call, so please leave your name, number, and short message, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Thanks!

Answering machine beeps.

WAYNE

(Off-stage)

David. Where are you? Pick up the fucking phone right now. Your mom is worried sick. We're on our way over. I better not find a corpse when I get there. David! Answer the God damn phone! Jesus Christ...

(He hangs up. Silence. There's a frantic knock at the door.)

David! Are you in here! Open the door!

(He opens the door and enters the apartment, trailed by MOM and DAD)

David! Where are you?

WAYNE goes into the bedroom. MOM looks frantically around the living room. DAD hangs behind by the door and watches.

MOM

David! Where are you? Oh my God, please don't let him be...

MOM runs over to DAD and falls into his arms. WAYNE checks the bathroom, finds nothing, and enters the living room. He spots the notepad sitting on the couch. He picks it up and skims the contents.

WAYNE

Oh my God.

MOM

What is it?

WAYNE

It's a suicide note.

MOM and DAD react.

MOM

I'm afraid to ask, but... what does it say?

WAYNE

(Reads)

"To the only friends and family I have left in this world:

By the time you see this letter, I will have shuffled my mortal coil and hopefully disappeared to a better place. It's not your fault that I did this to myself. The fault lies entirely on myself. I realized two days ago that I have been so caught up in myself that I completely neglected those around me who loved me. And I can't continue to do that.

My chance for redemption has long since passed. I can't continue to hurt the people who love me, so I've decided to continue with the plan to kill myself. I understand that it's still a selfish thing to do, but it's for the best. I'd rather have you hurt for one last moment and have it soon be forgotten than to continue living and continue inflicting pain on you."

MOM

So that's it? He's gone?

WAYNE

Wait, there's more.

(Reads)

"Before I depart to my final resting place, wherever that may be, I must share some final thoughts:

Mom: I'm sorry. The things I said to you that night were uncalled for, but the anger and resentment had been stewing inside me for quite some time. I'm sorry that it all came out at once, and while it was a relief to finally get it off my chest, you didn't deserve it. I apologize with all of my heart, and I sincerely hope you can forgive me.

Dad: You've always been there for me, whether I've realized it or not. You've always shown that you loved me, but I never heard it come from your lips until that night. It touched me to the point where all I could do was cry. I love you, too, Dad. I love you more than I could love anything in the world, and I hope you could see that.

Wayne: I'm sorry to do this to you. I know you've held on dearly to that sacred oath of ours, and I'm sorry that you have to throw that party now. But fear not: I've made all of the arrangements. I sent out invitations to all of our childhood friends that I still kept in contact with, and I reserved a room at the Hilton for two weeks from my suicide. I hired a caterer to serve food and drinks, and I hired a DJ to provide music. All you have to do as host is show up, and take it from there. I love you, Wayne. You're the best friend I could have ever asked for.

(DAVID enters, carrying groceries. He sees people reading his suicide note, and waits for the proper moment.)

I thank you all. You have left a great impact on my life, and I can't thank you enough. I love you all so much, and you will be the last things to run through my mind as I close my book of life."

DAVID slams the door.

WAYNE, MOM, DAD

(Ad lib)

Jesus Christ! What the hell? Oh my God!

DAVID

What's going on?

MOM

Where the hell were you?! We called and called, but you didn't pick up your phone!

WAYNE

You scared the living shit out of us, David!

DAVID

I went out to get refreshments.

WAYNE

Refreshments? Why the hell would you get refreshments?

DAVID

Well, I feel kind of dumb saying this, since you just read my suicide note, but I've decided not to kill myself.

WAYNE, MOM, DAD

What?!

DAVID

See, after you all came over and made me feel like total shit, I went out to the bar to get black out drunk. But before I could get that drunk, I hit it off with this beautiful woman named Linda. We had so much in common, and so many similar interests, that I felt like I had met my soulmate. We took the conversation back here, and that's when I told her I was going to kill myself in a couple of days. Somehow, she talked me out of it, and said that it wasn't too late for me to start over. And, as it turns out, she works in the registrar's office at the college, and offered to sign me up for some college courses. I told her I didn't know what to do after owning a business, so we explored some different options. Anyway, I start my classes in a couple of weeks, and Linda and I are due for a date tomorrow night. I'm just so excited that things are starting to look up, that I wanted to celebrate with you guys, but I didn't have any food or drink in the apartment, so I went out and grabbed some. I guess I must have just missed you.

WAYNE, MOM, DAD

(Ad lib)

That's exciting, David! Way to go. Proud of you.

WAYNE

Actually, I'll do you one better.

DAVID

How so?

WAYNE

How about we go out to St. Pierre's for dinner and drinks?

DAVID, MOM, DAD

(Ad lib)

Yeah! Perfect! Of course!

WAYNE

(To DAVID)

Let's go ahead and get a table.

DAVID

Sure thing.

(To MOM and DAD)

We'll see you there?

MOM

Sure, honey.

DAVID

Great.

DAVID and WAYNE leave. MOM and DAD stand and look around the apartment, glowing.

MOM

You know, we may not have been the best parents in the world, but we did a pretty good job.

DAD

Yep.

MOM

Both kids are happy, healthy, and going places. I'm so proud of them.

DAD

Me, too.

WAYNE stumbles into the apartment, numb and shocked.

WAYNE

Oh my God.

MOM

(Worried)

What? What is it?

WAYNE

David was just hit by a bus.

MOM AND DAD

What?!

WAYNE

We were going out to his car, and he turned back to tell me something, not paying attention, and this bus came out of nowhere and hit him, throwing him nearly across the intersection.

MOM

Oh my God!

DAD

Is he okay?

WAYNE

No. He's not.

MOM

How bad is he hurt? Will he be able to walk again?

WAYNE

No, he won't.

MOM

Oh my God, my son is paralyzed.

WAYNE

Worse. He's dead.

MOM wails.

DAD

Dead?

WAYNE

He flew across the street and landed right on his neck. He's not moving at all. He's not breathing. He's dead.

Silence.

MOM

(Calmly)

Well, in the end, he got what he wanted. He set a goal to be dead in two weeks, and he was always the kind of man to follow through on his word. He was a sweet and kind-hearted man, and we will all miss him very much.

Silence.

DAD

Well, I'm still hungry. Anyone opposed to still heading out to St. Pierre's?

WAYNE

I haven't been there in ages. I'm in. Lori?

MOM

You know something? Grieving the loss of a child really makes me famished. Let's go.

ALL exit the apartment.

END