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Parody of a Text Book

by FeatherPen

I am regretfully able to correct your presumption that in consequence of my usual spoken word, being of a common nature, that I would be unable to comprehensively write in a manner, with similarity to matter, you have previously read.

My conversation has unfortunately fallen into a an untamed state of tardiness, due to it’s constant exposure to inferior slang. However it is my endeavour to prevent my written word from suffering such as catastrophe, as my unfortunate inability to spell is blight enough on my overall ability to communicate in a form, which is recognised.

Thus I conclude that I am perfectly capable of expressing myself through long winded jargon, despite my inability to speak with such an extensive vocabulary. I hope you will excuse me, of my rambling monolog, for I merely seek to prove, by example, my fluency of the English language in its written context, correlating to other texts.

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38 Reviews

Points: 4853
Reviews: 38

Sun Jun 26, 2016 5:24 pm
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StarGazer wrote a review...

Hello! This was pretty funny! I know what you mean by this. Nowadays, a lot of the best words are going to waste! I disagree, personally, that it's because others talk with "inferior slang", but more because we are trying to get everything out so fast that we speak using smaller and easier words. In addition, people are reading less, causing far fewer people to learn better words. If no one reads, these words remain only in text format and are never spoken, so no one ever learns them, so no one ever uses them, and so on in a never-ending cycle. One thing about using language like this is, while it does show that you are able to write at this level and know all these words, putting this many of them into a three paragraph response makes it look like you were actively trying to cram these words in, which you were, and that you do not actually use them. The best way to do this would be to put a few better words in every paragraph across the entire exam instead of cramming them all together into a short space. In addition, people are generally more impressed with analysis and understanding than with fancy language. It would be better to use more exact words for when you need to accurately explain something than to just shove them all into the work in a futile attempt to seem smart. As you are most likely not the only student using these words, it makes you come across as more of a braggart than a scholar. Best stick to fewer words in order to truly showcase your intelligence. Good luck!

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486 Reviews

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Reviews: 486

Fri Jun 03, 2016 10:40 pm
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Holysocks wrote a review...


So at first I thought you were writing this to make fun of textbooks, and the language that many formal things use, which I thought was brilliant! Very funny and definitely something worth making fun of. But then I realized that you were actually talking about how you used this language for your exams... and there's some things that I'm like to go over~

First of all, I know this is supposed to be entertaining, but you don't actually really justify anything. "Textbook talk" for lack of a better term, is one of my ultimate peeves. There is absolutely no excuse in my opinion for using a language (which is meant to communicate) as a way to sound more "intelligent". Textbook talk is not a form of writing that is clear and easy to understand, and that makes me want to have a serious discussion with whoever let's those people write those books. I'm sorry but it's just absurd that books that are meant for learning are written in a way that you only get a third of what they're talking about out of it. And the worst part is, everyone that write's a informational thing thinks that they have to sound all sophisticated! Writing is not meant to confuse people, it is meant to communicate and to convey thoughts to others. This was not directed at you by the way.

End rant.

BUT I still think that you didn't really justify you using that voice for your exams. You made fun of that voice, yes, but you didn't really give a good reason why you should be allowed to answer your exam questions like that. Like here:

Thus I conclude that I am perfectly capable of expressing myself through long winded jargon,

Almost leads me to believe that you're arguing that that way of talking is ridiculous again, because it's like you're saying that it's ridiculous but yet at the beginning you said you were justifying your use of using this voice. So maybe there's a way to keep things confusing to stay true to textbook talk but also keep things clear?

Keep it up, bro!


FeatherPen says...

Thank you Hollysocks, I realise that as a piece it is self contradictory. The background was that I came out of my exam and only then realised that it sounded like I had just written out the text book. I hadn%u2019t! I had just inadvertently picked up the language (the questions were also written similarly). I wrote this for fun as an imaginary response if any of my teachers asked where my answers came form. I knew it would be very unlikely for them to ask however it was fun to write and took the stress away from the exam. I might take your suggestion and use this as a draft for a proper parody of a Text book. I quite agree with you, they are written in an appalling way which can be hard to understand. Thank you, Featherpen

I swear I was back in college reading out of a $200 that I would only use once. After the first sentence I was like "nope I'm out" but as I continued on I saw the humor in your jargon. I applaud you on your ability to mimic a English so well.

Also. Jack, why do I feel like you are responsible for spamming the site with the Bee Movie quote in the quote generator. *looks suspiciously*
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