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E - Everyone

Writing ailments; their common symptoms, causes and general first aid.

by FeatherPen


The following is written a guide for writers, when confronting text in need of medical attention. It is not an exhaustive list and should not be used to replace common sense and the emergency services.

Symptoms Cause First aid
  • Writing is not taken seriously by audience
  • Hard to read over
  • Scattered lowercase ‘i’
  • Looks messy
Poor basic grammar

(Bad hygiene )

  • General hygiene should be observed at all times including in most poetry.
  • Capitalize ‘I’, proper nouns (names) and beginning of sentences.
  • Add full stops.
  • Fix the “there, their and they’re” and the “witch, which”
  • Even when good hygiene has not been practiced, as long as an infection has not set in, it is easily rectifiable with a good scrub.
  • Dialog is not working
  • Dialog feels flat and formal
Dialog is not written as people speak.

(snake bite)

  • Apply compression bandage and condense what your character has to say.
  • Drop ‘ums, heys, and uh?s’ or relevant slang into speech.
  • Identify type of snake by eavesdropping on conversations and writing what is spoken in real time. Observe differences between people and the disregard for full sentences. Adjust your writing accordingly.
  • Call ambulance and read out loud what you have written, preferably to someone else.
  • Add body language text.
  • Reading is boring
  • Nothing is happening
  • Or too much is happening and it does not make sense
Too much or not enough description or action.

(vitamin imbalance)

  • If deficiency is not immediately evident, track diet, highlight adjectives blue, nouns yellow and verbs in pink. Try to create a balance of the three.
  • When writing add action to your descriptions and descriptions around your actions.
  • Looks like one big mass of words
  • Heard to read
  • Hard to read out loud and breathe properly
No formatting

(asthma attack)

  • Give space and separate into relevant paragraphs by topic or sub scene.
  • Give puffer and shorten sentences with too many clauses.
  • If not breathing properly within five minutes call emergency. Add commas where ever you breathe, when reading out loud.
  • Repeats of the same word within same paragraph.
  • I’ve read this before feel
  • Sense of this is boring.
Over use of same word

(ticks and splinters)

  • ­After going outside, read it over, search for repeated words, and underline them.
  • Look up in first aid book and find the word in the thesaurus section. Remove with tweezers and apply cream.
  • Splinters and tick bights swell slightly to create red areas after a few hours. So save your reread till the following day if you can’t spot anything wrong straight after writing it.
  • Rhyming feels forced
Words used to rhyme are inappropriate to poem/lyrics theme.

(Sprained or broken ankle)

  • Leave for a few days to see if it fixes itself.
  • Do gentle stretches; use the thesaurus to find words that are easier to rhyme or make more sense in context.
  • If stretches do not cure sprain, the ankle may be broken and require an operation to change the rhyming pattern. Most commonly this operation from an a, a, b, b pattern to an a, b, a, b one.
  • Characters are “boring”
  • You can’t tell the characters apart
Characters all have the same personality. Or are too similar in another way.

(concussion)

  • When character comes to start by asking simple questions about their hobbies/personality. Compile answers into a character profile. In it decide what the character’s personality is, some history and their likes/dislikes. Refer to profiles when writing to see how they would react to the circumstances.
  • Ensure each of your characters names are different enough.
  • You don’t like it (without reason)
Matter of opinion

(flu)

  • Wait a few days and see if the sniffles pass.
  • If still persists see doctor to diagnose what is actually wrong.
  • Story does not make sense
  • Audience needs to look up words.
Terms used are not understandable by audience

(laryngitis)

  • Explain by showing the definitions of terms as in terraformed. It hasn’t been terraformed yet, because it takes ages for a planet to be made habitable.
  • Have one character who does not know much about the subject so that it can be explained to that character.
  • Add a glossary or asterix potentially complicated words.
  • Boring to read
  • Paragraphs looking suspiciously like info dumps
telling and not showing

(Burn)

  • Apply water to area and run for 30 minutes until all telling is washed away.
  • Write an alternative scene where you show the facts from the info dump happening. Eg “she was sun burnt from being at the beach.” Becomes. “She climbed into the car brushing the sand from her feet. Her swimmers were already dry from heat and her arms and face, bright red and staring to peel.”
  • In severe cases an operation may be needed. Research in to how to proceed is advised. see http://www.dailywritingtips.com/show-dont-tell/ or other relevant site.
  • Red lines throughout document.
  • Hand written
  • Having to “work out” some of the words
Spelling errors

(Head lice)

  • Apply head lice spray in the form of a spell checker.
  • Run through with a fine comb to catch any reminders.
  • For the hard to remove ones, which do not show up on word, a google search may help
  • Repeat regularly until itching stops.


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Fri Sep 25, 2020 9:46 pm
Vil wrote a review...



This is--surprisingly useful XD

This is a hilarious, unique way to help writers... well, write! It's a great chart for revisions, and I intend to print it out later!

It seems that you have a case of head lice-- you used "heard" instead of "hard."

Your analogies were Outstanding, but due to head lice, I'm afraid I'll have to grade this work with Exceeds Expectations. Furthermore, parts of this are awkwardly worded, but I will not drag you down any further than an E.

Have a wonderful [*insert time of day here*]!!!




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Mon Jan 18, 2016 12:23 am
DrFeelGood says...



This was hilarious. Well done




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Tue Jan 05, 2016 7:50 am
kartikdevpura wrote a review...



I just read this and I found the premise of this article really nice.
Some of the analogies you used were perfect- "Poor basic grammar = bad hygiene" and "Spelling errors = head lice"

Formatting was very well done.

As far as criticism goes, not much to say. I'll be a little over-critical and say that words were missing in some places. I understand that it might have been intentional so that the points well... appear as points, but after some time it becomes a bit perplexing.
A couple of spelling mistakes here and there, but that's just it.

"Call ambulance and rad out loud what you have written, preferably to someone else."
Rad becomes read in the above sentence.

But once again, pretty well-written, just be sure to reread it one more time.




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Fri Jan 01, 2016 5:35 am
chhlovebooks says...



Thank you sooooo much for this!




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Wed Dec 30, 2015 3:51 am
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Mea wrote a review...



Hey there! Since I saw this earlier and thought it was pretty cool, I figured I'd drop a review on it.

First of, how did you get this table on here? Teach me your ways... xD

Anyway, this is pretty cool. I really like how you've formatted it and equated it to real life stuff.

I don't have much to say overall - this will be more of a nitpicky review. Basically, there are a few places where your wording is confusing and things, so I thought I'd point those out for you.

In general, the problem seems to be that you are trying to cut out words to make it seem more like a table, but then sometimes you cut out too many and it takes a minute to decipher what you're saying. I'll just list some of them for you.

After going outside read over search for word repeats underline them.

After going outside, read it over, search for repeated words, and underline them.

Do gentle stretch exercises; look up, in thesaurus, words which are easier to rhyme with, or make more sense given the context.

This just reads awkwardly. Try "Do gentle stretches; use the thesaurus to find words that are easier to rhyme or make more sense in context."

If stretches do not cure sprain the ankle may be broken and require and operation to change the rhyming pattern.

Add comma after sprain. Second "and" should be "an."

When character comes to start by asking simple questions; what is your name… compile them into a profile.

Try "Start by asking the character simple questions about their hobbies/personality. Compile answers into a character profile." Or something similar. Just so it's clearer.

Other things:
Leave for a few days to see if it fixes its self

*itself

Write an alternative scene where you show the facts from the info dump happening. Eg she was sun burnt from being at the beach. Becomes. She climbed into the car brushing the sand from her feet. Her swimmers were already dry from heat and her arms and face, bright red and staring to peel.

Add quotes around the example text. Should read: 'For example: "she was sunburnt...." becomes "she climbed into..."'

As you can see, these are mostly nitpicks. If I had to pick one of the symptoms from the table to apply to this work, I'd probably pick the "poor basic grammar" one, perhaps with a bit of the asthma one. It's really not that bad, and it's not so much grammar as it is just odd wording, but you might want to give it a couple read-throughs and reword some things to make this a truly excellent, handy table. :D




FerranWright says...


Thank you MeAndBooks I have fixed all the parts you pointed out. I was really helpful that you provided examples of how to fix it. I think what this work suffers from is rush to finish before going out; obviously I didn%u2019t wash my hands. There are two ways to do the table the first is to copy paste from Word. The second is to insert a table, form the tool bar when you are publishing. The first is way easier.



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Wed Dec 30, 2015 3:38 am
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Meerkat wrote a review...



Hi!

I really like this; it's quite thorough and informative. The comparison of writing errors to medical problems was very clever.

Specific notes:
Bad hygiene: a very fitting analogy, especially in how such writing would be difficult to take seriously.
Snake bite: unusual example, I don't quite know how that would fit unrealistic dialogue. Regardless, this is an affliction my own writing suffers from, unfortunately. Thank you for your first-aid suggestions!
Vitamin imbalance: once again, an apt comparison.
Asthma attack: a fairly common issue, just like in real life.
Ticks and splinters: it is indeed dull to read repeated writing. It is certainly boring to read redundant information. It is definitely uninteresting to read repetitive words.
Sprained/broken ankle: you are correct in discerning how painful this is.
Fainting: perhaps "memory loss" might be a more fitting diagnosis for not being able to differentiate characters.
Flu: sad but true.
Terms used are not understandable to the audience: you have no medical analogy on this one...
Burn: very similar to asthma attack (long, unbroken paragraphs)
Head lice: clever thought, both are annoying, but easy to fix.

This was very clever! I loved the medical humor as well as the advice. Have a great night, and thank you for writing!




FerranWright says...


Thank you for your review meerkat, I don%u2019t know how I missed an analogy for 'Terms used are not understandable to the audience.' Ill fix it as soon as I have one for it. I'm pleased you enjoyed it. :-)



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Wed Dec 30, 2015 3:34 am
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Dracula wrote a review...



Oh my goodness gracious me. Forget the writing, how did you achieve this kind of formatting masterpiece in YWS? My mind is blown and I haven't even started reading it yet. XD

'Should not be used to replace emergency services.' I love your little introduction, it's hilarious!

It's awesome how you associated writing problems with actual medical problems. Like the boring dialogue and snake bite, just 'apply compression bandage and condense what your character has to say.' It's genius, and I love it.

Heard to read
Yes!! I can diagnose this writing with head lice. You need to get rid of that A. :D

I'm not saying anything else except that this is awesome and it deserves to become a poster!




FerranWright says...


Thank you Dracula, actually all I did was copy paste from word. I was sure it would not convert but it did! I%u2019m pleased you enjoyed it and found it funny.



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Tue Dec 29, 2015 1:25 pm
Mea says...



This is great. xD I love how you relate each one to a real injury/illness.





If all pulled in one direction, the world would keel over.
— Yiddish proverb