Hi there FantasyWriter76! Niteowl here to finally get this chapter out of the Green Room. For the record, I did read the previous chapters, but I'll focus my reviewing efforts on this one.
I like how this one started off with some more character interaction. I feel like the earlier chapters started off with more plot/character information that, while interesting, felt more like it should be in a planning document so that the relevant information can be woven into the actual story. It also shows a little bit more of the plot in between the fight scenes, which is good.
One thing that sticks out to me is that Fox has a lot of powers. In this chapter alone he hears through walls, teleports, and controls multiple elements. Nobody else seems to have this level of ability. Xandria has her magic sword and telepathy, and Ricardo seems to have some sort of defensive magic, but no one is on the same level as Fox. Furthermore, there doesn't seem to be a huge energy cost to all this magic. I know he's your main character and you want him to win, but I think I would be rooting for him more if he didn't seem so all-powerful.
Another thing that is unclear to me is the actual status of magic and/or magical creatures in this world. Way back in Chapter 2, Fox announces that he is a mystical creature and the narrator says that would be surprising to the human participants, even though there is a wide range of magical creatures among the participants. If this is some big secret in the universe, I have trouble believing the big evil corporation running this show would let such an announcement slide. This would be a highly disruptive statement and there would have to be swift consequences to Fox in order for the show to go on. An interesting parallel here on our universe is the controversy over NFL players kneeling for the national anthem, which has certainly been controversial. If a player used their platform to instead say "Oh yes, aliens exist and by the way, I am one, oh and also by the way my species is perfectly engineered to excel at what you humans call football"? That would be huge, and that's essentially what Fox is doing here. Yet very little has happened as a result of that statement. I feel like there's two possible solutions to this: 1) Re-engineer the plot to show how world-altering this would be (like have the evil corporation take Fox away and lock him up) or 2) re-write the rules of the universe so it's known that magical creatures exist so that this wouldn't be a big deal.
Another somewhat minor point that is unclear to me: what is the time span of this story? I was rather surprised in Chapter 5 when Fox mentions that Ricardo's fight was a few days prior, because the chapters are so brief and focused on the fights that it honestly felt like everything was happening on the same day. I think having more in between the fight scenes would make this more clear, as well as helping build up details of the world itself and let us see more of the story line and characters.
Some minor points:
1) The bold and all-caps is more distracting than anything.
2) "Destructable" should be spelled "destructible".
Overall, I find the fight scenes enjoyable, but I feel like there needs to be a little more in between the fights to advance the plot, make the setting feel believable, and show more of the characters. Keep writing!
Points: 35774
Reviews: 1274
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