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Young Writers Society


Violence

Fists of Fate - Chapter 4 (All Arcs)

by FantasyWriter76


Alexandria, or Xandria, is a lady who "doesn't exist". Like Fox, without any physical records, all that can be said is that she seems to be wielding an ancient blade. A relic, similar to the Fist of the Fates, that can give the user ridiculous amounts of power as well as sporting many other combat functions.

Alexandria was up next to fight. Compared to her, her opponent would be nothing. Swiping her greyish-whiteish hair out of her face, she pulls out her blade from the back of her jet-black combat cloak, "..." Saying nothing really does speak volumes in her case.

Alexandria "Xandria", The ancient duelist

  • Species: Human*
  • Backstory: All that is known is that she carries an ancient blade that amplifies the user's power and makes them a very excellent fighter through very mysterious methods... Her age is unknown.
  • Specialties: Fighting overall, melee combat, staying very neutral on the surface despite the situation.
  • She does not speak no matter what, it is presumed she has taken a vow of silence for some reason.

"HELLO, EVERYBODY! BEFORE THE NEXT MATCH BEGINS..."

said Hank, the main announcer. "Since our last match was a tie, one must be eliminated." Merv, Hank's announcer companion. "SO WE SYSTEMATICALLY CHOSE WHO TO ELIMINATE!" 

"We flipped a coin, Hank. That's not very 'systematic', is it?"

"WE DID NOT! Ok, yes we did. EMMA WILL BE ELIMINATED! But don't worry if you were cheering for her, because unbeknownst to you all..." Hank readied himself for a loud yell,

"THERE IS A LOSER'S BRACKET! WHERE LOSERS CAN COMPETE FOR A SHOT AT THE NUMBER ONE TITLE BY BEATING THE OTHER LOSERS! THE FIRST MATCH IN THE BRACKET WILL BE EMMA AND THE LOSER OF THIS MATCH!"

This was news to everyone, and chatter consumed every nook and cranny of the stadium. Many fighters were relaxing knowing that if they failed, they still had a second chance. 

                                      ...

Meanwhile, in the arena clinic, Ricardo had rejoiced, he was one step closer to fame and fortune that would save him. But Emma, she was infuriated that she was eliminated by a coin flip. "That is a horrible way to run a tournament!" Alas, Luminous Conflux didn't care what a single person felt, and the next fight was about to begin.  

Alexandria pushed aside all who were in her way to the halls. Many mutters flew around the women's locker room. "What's her problem?"

Arriving in the stadium, the large opening of concrete soon to be an illusion of another environment in an instant, Alexandria stared down her opponent. A man made entirely of rock, The Living Boulder was an appropriate name. Meeting in the center, they got into their stances.

"GET READY FOR ALEXANDRIA THE BLADE LADY VERSUS THE LIVING BOULDER!" said Hank. "Hey, Hank, I bet that his favorite genre of music is Rock music. Heyo!" Merv uttered, trying to crack a joke. "Merv, that deserves a million cricket chirps. Stay with being serious, ok?"

"TODAY'S MATCH WILL BE ON A MOUNTAIN PRECIPICE!" Hank projected. The concrete shifted into a great cliff edge

"PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR THE ULTIMATE CLASH, A TEST OF POWER, YOUR FATES COLLIDE! 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!"

"FIGHT!!!" 

Alexandria drew her blade and sliced through Boulder, spinning forward in mid-air, sword pointed straight. He fell to pieces, giving off the feeling Alexandria had already won. But just soon after, he reformed.

"You won't have an easy time with me, I'll just reform over and over and over 'til you give up," Boulder grunted. Alexandria wouldn't give up, hell, that was the last thing she'd do. She would have to think of a plan of attack before striking. If one attack with her blade wouldn't work than she'd have to unleash rapid attacks.

She ran at Boulder full speed and unleashed a large series of swings, cutting Boulder into many little pieces. It was ineffective, as Boulder instantly reformed. It was his turn to fight back. He shapeshifted his arm into a stone hammer-like shape and smashed 'Xandria into the stone ground.

Boulder wasn't done yet, though. He picked up 'Xandria and rapidly punched her in her face. 'Xandria had had enough. Drawing her blade, she kicked Boulder in his stomach and pushed off flipping and landing a few steps away. She charged as Boulder formed a shield of both his hands.

She was prepared, however. 'Xandria called upon the soul of the sword. "What do you wish for, mortal?" said the sword, who was communicating telepathically directly with 'Xandria. In her head, 'Xandria told the sword that she needed power tenfold. 

Her overall force increased by ten levels, and she smashed through Boulder. This time, some of his whole being was destroyed entirely, and when he reformed, he was missing some of his chest. That left a huge hole in him, "What!? What did you do to me, you maniac!?" yelled Boulder.

'Xandria used that to her advantage. The sword she held was called the Dracula Siphon for its ability to siphon dead materials to charge huge attacks. The destroyed parts of Boulder had become fuel for the Dracula Siphon to unleash a huge energy blast.

The blade had become consumed by a red, cloth-like covering made from energy taken from the dead material. This was the true form of the blade, the Dracula Sabre. Taking the blade, 'Xandria swiped once, downwards. From there, the fight was practically over.

All that power stored in the Sabre was unleashed, launching a huge slash of red the size of the stadium from the sword to Boulder. It sliced through him and sent his body flying off the edge of the imitation cliff edge, causing him to slam on the ground, and crumble into dust. Boulder chose not to reform.

Everyone spectating the fight was speechless, she had almost killed him. Not even the announcers said anything. it was clear who had won.

                                       ...

Fox was watching the fight from the stands because he had enough free time on his hands. His next fight was the fifth in the tournament, and this was the third. He had seen everything.

"I must get stronger if I ever want to surpass someone like that," he said to himself.

No one was prepared for this kind of challenge.

Next time, two new challengers face off, giving our crew some time to rest. But can anyone rest when there is a chance of being slaughtered by the Dracula Sabre? See as our heroes meet next chapter...


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Points: 86
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Wed Jan 08, 2020 2:14 am
Fantasywriter30 wrote a review...



My Friend:

You prioritize and sequence. Makes sure that the priority tasks are always completed.You are very well received by audiences. Eloquent, clear, always captures the interest and fires the imagination of listeners. You has a flair for creative, original writing and make an impact on the reader. Can adapt the style to the purpose. Rarely makes mistakes with grammar, spelling or style.




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Fri Aug 10, 2018 9:08 pm
ExOmelas wrote a review...



Hey, finally got here!

Nit-picks:

It was ineffective, as Boulder instantly reformed.

Are you aware of quite how much like Pokemon that sounds?

He picked up 'Xandria and rapidly punched her in her face.

I don't think you need that apostrophe before Xandria. People don't usually do that before nicknames and it's just distracting.

In her head, 'Xandria told the sword that she needed power tenfold.

I would have liked more description of this moment. It sounds like it could be epic, but it's kind of glossed over. Unless you've already gone into it in more depth in a previous chapter, of course.

Overall:

This was a very unique setup. The big bold lettering, as well as the focus on pure action, made me feel a bit like I was reading a comic book. This was also fed into by the character profile type thing at the start. I can see this not being for everyone, but I think you've done quite well at what you were aiming for. To be clear, that is what you were aiming for, right? A sort of big, vibrant, flashy aesthetic with kind of low stakes? I took a look at the other chapters as well and they were mostly fights, without that much character development in terms of emotion. For example, you describe Ricardo as "run-of-the-mill", as if there is no more to his character than his archetype, which is unlikely to help me become invested in him. Most of the description seems to be of the characters' appearances and fighting styles.

In terms of fighting styles, your two fighters were quite distinctive, with quite different skillsets. I'd have liked more sensory description of Boulder (and maybe a more inventive name). He's pretty easy to picture based on the concept having been done before, but some more specifics would have set him apart from previous versions and given me some more personality so I could get invested in the fight.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)






Thanks for the review! Chapter 5 and more chapters that don't involve the main cast in fights, there will be more character development segments! Once again, thanks!



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Points: 574
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Tue Aug 07, 2018 11:11 pm
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SubSubLibrarian wrote a review...



Again, I agree with Emma. Luminous Conflux is running its tournament terribly. But I feel like Emma should be more concerned about what to report to her superiors or more focused on what she can do now to infiltrate LC.
I like the end of the chapter when Fox was telling himself that he must get stronger before he faces Xandria, but isn't it a little late for that?
I was also confused about Xandria's sword. In her description, the sword was mentioned, but its other name, the Dracula Sabre or Dracula Siphon or whatever, wasn't mentioned until halfway through the chapter. It should have been included in the sword's first or second mention.
What made this fight greater than all the others? "PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR THE ULTIMATE CLASH, A TEST OF POWER, YOUR FATES COLLIDE!" Was that line just something made up on the spot? It seems like a good catch phrase for the tournament, something the announcers should either say before every single fight, or only say before the finale.




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Points: 134
Reviews: 21

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Wed Jul 11, 2018 8:31 pm
Eve wrote a review...



I'm confused. It seems that you are just narrating fights. Is there any real plot behind it all, because the only hint is the man saying he must surpass someone like that. If he is the main character, make sure he is involved personally in everything that happens in the story. It seemed all thrown together. Just make sure you main character is someone we 'know' through the story line. At every point. Good descriptions and timing, though.






Just a question, have you [underline]READ[/underline] the previous chapters? They are very important to the plot, and I suggest you read and review if you have the time. Have a FANTASTICAL DAY!
-FW76





Ok, there isn't an underline code, awkward.




"He looks like a turtle who's been through the Vietnam war."
— SirenCymbaline the Kiwi