z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

A Classic Fairytale

by Fantascifi66


A/N: This is in a parralell universe/ different world. Just saying :)

Once upon a time, there was a tower in a wasteland full of dragons, guarding it. It was nearly no grass there, only sand and cacti. There was always hot, burning sun there, which would make any man fall down on the sand and pray for water. The tower was made of bricks, all covered in sand. In this tower was a person. This person had brown hair, green eyes, and black rim glasses. They had a curse so that they could never age until someone came and rescued them. The tower had been there for decades, and no one had rescued the person inside.

This person's name was Alex.

He was nineteen when his parents, the King and queen, had locked him up in the tower. He was still locked up there, and he was still nineteen. His body, as his age, never changed either, so he didn’t need food.

His parents had never visited, and no one came to rescue him either. They only gave him a few books to entertain himself, and these were his most precious possessions, among them all was Rapunzel, his favourite. Somehow, he related to Rapunzel. It wasn’t that hard to figure out why; She had also been locked up in a tower by her “parent”. In fact, he had come to like her so much that he started to imagine her as if she was in the room with him, as his best friend. They often talked about being rescued, how her prince was like, how life was in the tower, and whether she thought his so called “parents” weren’t just two sorcerers, who had kidnapped his mom and dad to take the throne. But aside from Rapunzel, he was alone.

But that was about to change.

Alex was lying in his bed, talking to Rapunzel again. “I mean,” He said “Your prince is handsome, isn’t he? I guess he’d have to be, since he is so bad at everything else. Except from getting in trouble. He is a master in that. But I won’t complain if my rescuer isn’t that good looking, as long as that’s compensated by her personality.” Rapunzel made a sort of sighing noise. This was normal for him to be talking about. He often obsessed about his rescuer being pretty, smart, hard-working (“I mean, she’d have to be, since she managed to get her,”), or just be perfect in any kind of way. She stroke her hand over her back hair. Her husband was many things, but not a hairdresser. Give him a scissor for one minute and you’d have to put him in the ER for five months. Alex then abruptly stopped talking when he thought he heard a noise. But no, it must have been a dragon somewhere. Or the wind. It was often very windy out here. He relaxed again, thinking about all the different ways to die. Or not die, in his case. But then he heard another noise. “Was that you Rapunzel?” She shrugged and shook her head simultaneously, while giving him a look of… something, as to say “What? me? Sometimes you’re really thick, you know that?”

But then Alex heard a voice.

"Hello? Is anybody there?"

Alex rushed out of his bed, stumbled, got up again, and ran downstairs to the biggest window in the tower. He almost fell down the stairs, too, he was so excited.

"HELLO?! " He cried desperately.

He heard a big thump on the sand. The person must have been very startled by his shouting.

"Are you okay?" He said, looking out of the window. On the sand lay a girl, looking up at him.

"Oh. Hi. Great. This will make my job a lot easier."

"Your job?" He asked her, curiously. She managed to get up, which looked difficult, considering all the armour she was carrying.

"Yes. My job."

"Ok..." He didn't know quite what to say to this.

"Uhh... Who are you?"

"My name is Katherine. Katherine Williams. But you can just call me Kat. I am the knight appointed to set you fre-“

"Do you have chocolate?"

"What?"

"Chocolate! Do you have some?"

"Umm... No. I don't think so."

She searched her pockets, although there wasn't many, and her backpack.

"Nope. If I had some chocolate, and it had somehow NOT melted, I would probably eat it myself."

"Aww... Dang. Well, can you get me out of here?"

"Oh, sorry. Yeah."

She began fiddling with one of her weapons. Her armour dropped to the ground, which she had presumably taken off because it was so hot. He was a bit surprised she hadn't just dropped them off on the way here.

"There. Finally!"

An arrow shot through the air, right above Alex's head. "You could have hit me!" He screamed.

"Well, I didn't, right? So, no harm done." She smirked.

"Why did it have to be her...?" Alex muttered to himself. She stood there for a while, just looking at him. "Well, are you coming or not?" She asked.

"W-what?"

"Are you coming?"

"What do you mean?"

She sighed. "We have to get going! So, come down!"

He smiled. "Sorry. No can do. You have to come rescue me. If not, I would've jumped out of this window a long time ago."

"Really? Really? Wow, okay." She began climbing, while Alex began laughing. "Shut up or I'll leave."

He immediately stopped.

As she climbed upwards, Alex got more and more excited. He was going to see the outside world again; he was going to be free! He'd meet new people, perhaps even make a few friends.

When she finally reached the top, she asked "You ready to leave this place?"

Without hesitation, he said "Yes! A B S O L U T E L Y!" He spelt out each letter to add emphasis on the word.

He took her left hand, while her right hand was holding on for dear life. Once he took her hand, he felt a shiver go through his body, and he just knew. He was free.

Ignoring the rope, he jumped straight down onto the ground. The sand felt curious around his feet, but he liked feeling something other than hard wood, his bed and the carpets. Katherine looked a bit startled at first, but then quickly climbed into the window, tore out the arrow from inside the tower, and then she jumped down too.

“Finally. Now we can go home.”

She didn’t bother picking up her armour again. She wouldn’t need it on the way back, now that she had him. They began walking in silence. Alex thought he saw a glimpse of Rapunzel, also jumping out of the tower, a grin on her face. She then followed them.

A good half hour passed by, and Alex couldn’t hold it in any longer. He exploded with questions.

“What year is it? What’s the date? Who rules the kingdom? What- “

“Shut up!” Kat stopped him and sighed. “One question at a time. First, the year is 2048, and it’s the fourth of June. Prince Janicor rules the kingdom, after his parents died a month ago. You have him to thank for your rescue, and me, of course. He found a note from your parents about you. You see, you don’t have any other relatives (as we know of), so the kingdom chose another family after your parents died, and they inherited all the other stuff, but never found the paper. When Janicor did, he was astonished that no one had come and got you yet. He choose me, his best knight, to come fetch you.”

“How is he like?”

“Pfff,” she grinned a bit. “I guess he’s nice. Just, a bit handsome maybe, quite smart, though… not always. But hey, nobody’s perfect. Not even me.”

“Yeah, I can see that,”

She stopped and turned to him. “You know I could just leave you here, right? I have all the food, AND the directions to the castle. So show me some respect.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean it. It was just a too perfect an opportunity.” He smiled a bit weakly at her.

“You know, I better tell you now, I won’t be falling in love with you. I already have a special love at home.”

He just nodded. It was fine by him. She didn’t really seem up for questions about this “special love”, so he let it be.

The sky was a beautiful red orange, only like what you find in a colour bomb explosion, with bits of yellow and purple used as shading, and a cool blue as a nice touch. Now, there was not only cacti growing around them, but also the occasional flower and herb. The sand was harder now, denser. It had rained here some time before, so that was probably why. They could see the castle in the distance, though it was still many, many miles away. After a few minutes, Alex spoke again.

“So… what happened to my parents?”

Kat stiffened a bit, but then relaxed again. “Right, you just heard about that, didn’t you? I’m sorry.”

“No, that’s fine. They weren’t exactly great parents, as you can imagine.”

As it happened, he and Rapunzel had often discussed the possibility that his “parents” were imposters, who had kidnapped his parents and sent him off so that they would have the throne for themselves.

“Well, your mother got the Gornam sickness. You know what that is?” Alex shook his head. Katherine sighed. “It’s a sickness that slowly breaks down the bones in the ribcage, making it nearly impossible to breath without a tube. In the end…” She paused for a second, looking up at the sky and breathing in the sultry air. Rapunzel looked at her, her eyes filled with tears. She was just a too good of a person, Alex thought, as Rapunzel wiped her eyes. “Well, in the end, it breaks down the spine too. And then, they- “

“Die.” Alex finished for her. “Yes,” She said sadly “They die. Of course, I wasn’t alive when they died. It happened three years after they sent you here. Your father died a year after, in a mine explosion. Nothing anybody could have done. Many others died there as well. The other family ruled for forty years. I’m twenty years old. Do the math.” Katherine sighed. “Look. I know I can be pretty mean sometimes. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. I get it. How old is Juanicor?”

“Oh, he’s nineteen too. If he hadn’t been, they would probably had let someone else rule.”

Another moment of silence passed. The wind rushed by their ears, completely oblivious to anything it touched. But how could it not be? It’s just wind. It brought with it the sweet taste of the salty ocean, not far from there. The had come closer to the castle by now, but still a few hours away. They would probably have to stay the night, Rapunzel thought.

The sand was gone now, replaced by green grass and beautiful flowers and insects.

“His family didn’t treat him quite right either.” Kat whispered, her head turned away from Alex, and simultaneously looking up at the sky. Dawn was approaching fast. Alex looked at her curiously.

“He told me sometimes about them. Said I was the only one he really trusted.” She now looked down at the ground, and her voice turned, if possible, even quieter. “They starved him. Mentally abused him, too. Called it “Training to become a better king.” But they were nice to him in public, oh yes. They could talk about him for hours, with all that sweet-talk crap. And both he and I had to sit there and listen to them. I had to “Behave like a woman”. “You’re not on the battlefield now, Miss Williams, you’re a lady!” She imitated a high-pitched girly voice.

Silence. Neither Alex nor Rapunzel uttered a single word after that. In fact, the only words that were said the rest of that day, was “We should probably sleep now”, and this was followed by complete silence by every living creature in the area.

The next day, they got up silently, ate breakfast silently, gathered their things silently, and then set off silently. Then Alex silently broke the silence. “What about your family?” He almost whispered. He hadn’t used his voice in a while. He cleared his throat. “Ahem. I mean, are your parents nice at least?”

She smiled a little. “Yeah. They’re amazing. They are farmers, and they’re the nicest people you’ll ever meet. Share their food all the time with strangers. Maybe they’ll let you live with us. But I’ll let you know; you better be staying away from me once we get there.” Alex chuckled, which then evolved into a whole-hearted laugh. “What?” Kat asked, smiling slightly more. He couldn’t stop laughing. She started to laugh too. “Hahaha, s-stop it! Haha,”

The rest of the day was filled with laughter. He started telling her about life in the tower, and all his crazy attempts to escape. She, in return, told him about all the times she and Juanicor had gotten into trouble. She had known him as a baby too.

The castle grew closer and closer, and so did the two people’s relationships. In the end, they were only one mile away. The air began smelling of smoke, food and flowers. Trees were now growing everywhere, but they were also now surrounded by houses.

“So,” Kat asked, “what are you planning to do when you get there?”

“I… don’t know exactly. Do you have any suggestions?”

She grinned. “Geez, you’ve had decades of thinking, and you can’t come up with one thing?”

“Well, I’d like to eat lots of dessert,” He grinned right back at her “but I don’t think that counts.”

“No, not really. Do you have any idea of what to say to Juanicor, then?

He thought about this for a few seconds. “No…” She sighed. “Well, let me help you then. How about saying thank you, first? He is responsible for me saving you after all,”

“Yeah, I guess he is. What else?”

“Oh, come on! Just get to know him, alright? It isn’t that hard!”

A little less than an hour later, they had arrived at the castle. It smelled of old wood and food, and there was a slight familiarity in the smell. Alex was really nervous, but Rapunzel was there to comfort him while Katherine went to get the prince. “You’ve got this, Alex. Sure, it’s a bit different than you imagined it to be, but you’ll make it. Just become friends with him, find a place to stay for the night! Kat already said she’d ask her parents.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Alex muttered.

“I’m always right.”

She hugged him, and then disappeared. He knew she wouldn’t return. He didn’t know why, he just knew. Right then, Kat came back.

“Datdarada!” She mimicked a trumpet with her hands, as if playing a fanfare. Then stepped out from the doorframe…

Oh lord.

There stood the most beautiful human being Alex had ever seen. He could almost not breathe. He just stared. “Hi. I’m Juanicor Mortama. You must be Alex.”

He didn’t answer. Kat looked at him puzzled for a second, then smiled so broadly as she’d never smiled before. No one could hear what she was thinking, but it was something along the lines of “Oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh this is so CUUUUUUTE!!! I SHIP IT!”

Then, she came to Alex’s rescue (once more). “Alex has really looked forward to seeing you, haven’t you, Alex?”

“Yes!” He blurted out, looking at Kat. He couldn’t understand why she was smiling. He looked back at Juanicor. He was… So…

He had beautiful, curly ginger hair, and green eyes which he could probably get lost in for days. He had a perfect nose, magnificent lips, a jawline to die for, and a body filled with gorgeous muscles. He just wanted to hug him, to feel his skin against his. Then, he realized what he was doing, started guiltily for a moment, and then again blurted out a very loud “THANK YOU YOUR HIGHNESS.”

Juanicor was a bit startled, but then smiled again and said “Please, call me Juan. That’s what my friends call me. And it was nothing. In fact, I’m quite shocked that no one had tried to rescue you before this. I thought Kat here suitable for this kind of task, so as soon as she was ready, I sent her off with lots of food. Did you enjoy it? The food, that is.”

“Oh, yes. It was delicious!” He had managed to calm down a little, but he was still smiling more than he had ever done in a long time, and his voice was a bit pitched as he spoke, but Juan didn’t seem to notice. He just grinned back at Alex. “Well, are you still hungry? As soon as I got word that you were approaching the castle, my cooks began preparing a feast. You can join us too Katherine.” He smiled at her. “You know,” she looked from one to the other “I think I better go talk to my parents. They’ve probably prepared a meal of their own.”

“They can join us too?”

“No, that’s fine. I think I’ll just go. Have fun you too!” She winked at Alex and whispered “Good luck!” In his ear just as she passed him. Alex blushed so hard, he would’ve won the “reddest tomato competition”.

“Well, shall we go then? I’ll have one of the servants give you a change of clothes.”

With some matchmaking by Katherine, Alex and Juanicor began dating, and they were very much in love. They eventually got married, with some resistance from the people it must be said. Kat also married her girlfriend, Enna Lohansen. Both weddings were absolutely beautiful, and there were tears all over. And they all lived happily ever after.

**********The End*********


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61 Reviews


Points: 125
Reviews: 61

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Sat Jun 29, 2019 3:08 am
Feltrix wrote a review...



Hey! This was a fun story! I'm mainly going to pick at one point here, and it's something that I totally understand if you want to ignore.

I don't like that Alex and Juan had a sort of love-at-first-sight moment. My main issue with this is that Alex seemed a bit skeptical of Juanicor and his intentions and whether or not they will like each other before seeing Juanicor. And then, since he thinks Juan is hot, Alex is head over heals in love with him. The description of Juan is a bit cliché, pointing out all the things that are typically attractive on guys in romance novels. I always dislike descriptions like this, maybe because I feel like you could get across almost the exact same message by just saying 'he was dreamy.' It always raises a mental red flag for me when fictional characters are immediately romantically drawn to each other based on looks instead of personality. Personally, I would have greatly preferred something along the lines of "It wasn't love at first sight" before launching into a paragraph-long montage where Alex and Juanicor are mistrusting of each other and then grow on each other over time before falling in love.

I absolutely understand if you want to ignore all of the above advice. It really depends on how much you want to play into traditional fairy tale tropes and how much you want to subvert them. In a lot of fairytales, as I'm sure you know, people are dreamy and fall in love at first sight instead of having romance montages. Since you've written a fairytale, I am willing to overlook this and a few of the other things I mentioned below. Fairytales aren't meant to be entirely realistic. If you want to stay true to traditional fairytale form, you should probably leave it as is. If you want to subvert those tropes, I've given you my suggestions.

I also would have liked to know more about Katherine's girlfriend/wife. I get the feeling you wanted to sort of have a moment where the lesson is that same-sex couples can have fairytale endings and you didn't want to ruin the reveal (or I'm just interpreting your thought process wrong), but you can probably give a little bit away without revealing Enna's gender. If you don't care about the reveal at the end, then I say, tell us more about Enna. Personally, Kat is my favorite character. I want to know more about her SO.

It seems a bit strange to me that Alex is immediately critical of Kat, given that Alex has been imprisoned for the majority of his life, but I totally understand placing comedy over realism.

I may have missed something, but did we ever find out why Juanicor sent Katherine to get Alex? (This is sort of strange considering how the current monarch sent his best knight out to rescue the conveniently imprisoned true heir to the throne.)

Why would a king be in an unstable mine?

You allude to Juan being abused by his parents, but the reason is never touched on. I have a guess, but you were a bit too vague for me.

Did we ever learn why Alex's parents stuck him in a tower? You can explain this one away by putting 'wicked' in front of the word 'parents.'

It feels a bit weird that we get 95% of the story from Alex's perspective and then a sentence from Katherine's perspective where we learn that she 'ship's it.' I would have liked something along the lines of "Kat's eyes flicked from Juanicor to Alex and a wide grin spread across her face" to keep the perspective consistent at the very least. Also, I have a pet peeve about capitalization being used in dialogue (italics and punctuation can do the trick), adding extra letters to words unless there is a very good reason that the person's speech is different from the norm, and using more than one type of punctuation mark at once. It all seems unprofessional to me, like messy grammar. Essentially, '“Oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh this is so CUUUUUUTE!!! I SHIP IT!”' was sort of painful for me to look at. Then again, I get the feeling that I may be alone in this, so do what you want.

Sorry for the disjointed review. I'm getting tired, and decided to write a five minute review half an hour ago before going to bed. Well, here I am now. My first complaint was definitely my biggest. This was a fun story. I enjoyed it. I hope this was helpful!

-Feltrix




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Thu Jun 27, 2019 3:21 pm
Lib wrote a review...



Hiya Fanta!

Hope you're doing well today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you're on, obviously. I'm here to give you a review! Let's get right into it now, shall we? Alright.

It was nearly no grass there, only sand and cactuses.


The plural for the bold word is actually cacti, not cactuses. It even sounds weird, lol. So you tell from that, too.

There was always hot, burning sun, which would make any man fall onto the sand and pray for water.


This sentence kinda feels off. Maybe there's a missing letter?

Give him a scissor for one minute and you’d have to put him in the ER for five months.


XD Oh my gosh, that's so funny!!! XDDDD

"Do you have chocolate?"

"What?"

"Chocolate! Do you have some?"

"Umm... No. I don't think so."

She searched her pockets, although there wasn't many, and her backpack.

"Nope. If I had some chocolate, and it had somehow NOT melted, I would probably eat it myself."

"Aww... Dang. Well, can you get me out of here?"

"Oh, sorry. Yeah."


I can already tell here that Alex is a funny dude! "Do you have chocolate?" Lmao.

As it happened, He and Rapunzel had often discussed the possibility that his “parents” were imposters, who had kidnapped his parents and sent him off so that they would have the throne for themselves.


Just a teeny-weeny thing here. :P The bold word doesn't need to be capitalized.

“What about you family?”


Alex, what happened to your english? Being silent for so long caused some serious problems! XD Just the you needs to be your. Alright, so that's it for critiques/commenting. Actually, I'm not done commenting.

I love how in the beginning, you start of in that bold and italics font. It makes it sound as if a narrator is talking. It made me think that a deep voice was talking in the bold font and then when it started, it was just the scene. Like, in a movie, ya know? Yeah.

And also, I love how Rapunzel is in here too... She's my favorite Disney princess and oh my gosh, I love it. <33

I swear to god, I'm still laughing about the chocolate thing. XD It was so funny!

Well anyways, I looooove this cute little story and it deserves a like! :smt023

Keep up the great work! If you have any questions about my review, feel free to ask. That's it. (:

And as always...

Keep on writing!

~Libery500




Fantascifi66 says...


Thank you so much for reviewing! Thanks for pointing out those mistakes for me, good grammar really helps a story. I'm very glad you liked it <3
Thank you again!



Lib says...


Your very welcome. :D Also, d'ya mind tagging me whenever you write more short stories? I love them.



Fantascifi66 says...


Yes of course! I'd love to!



Lib says...


Thanks. (:




Knowledge is power.
— Francis Bacon