Hi, Querencia! Pan dropping in for another quick review. Let's get straight to it. Small grammatical changes will be written in blue.
Finnley nodded. He knew. "You don't have to, mom. You can work, if that's what's best for you. I keep meaning to get a job, I swear. If it means less work for you, I'd do anything."
She smiled, the way she did when she was trying to cover up problems.
This is a question rather than a criticism, as you know your characters a lot better than I do, but would Finnley's mum not be the type to discourage him from getting a job, even if she knows it would help her out? Having read what I've read, she seems like a parent who just wants to make everything okay for her child, the kind who would want them to be able to focus on school and their social life rather than working to make ends meet. I'd have expected her to be more like 'no, no, don't worry about it, sweetheart' - that would seem more like an attempt to cover up the problem. That's not to say Finnley can't go ahead and get a job anyway, because it's the kind of thing he'd do, but I expected her to put him off it a bit more. Just food for thought.
It's been raised by the other reviewers that the reveal about their financial situation seems a bit sudden, so I won't talk much about that. It's no biggie, anyway. Just need to make a few more allusions to it in previous chapters.
"Mom took it back. She won't go with us," Finnley said.
Just a comma splice.
"Listen. I know you've been looking for a part time job; we can head to town this afternoon and find you one.
It's that easy?? Who knew!? This isn't a criticism, by the way - it's totally in-character for Mia to be this optimistic. It just made me giggle.
He had felt haunted ever since their encounter in the forest. When he occasionally fell asleep, his dreams were full of looming trees, hoots howls and two glowing eyes, like the remnants of burning coals.
You're telling us about this, which is something, but I have to admit I don't really feel his trauma from the ordeal in the forest. He seems to have got over it quite quickly, like he can drop the anxiety whenever it stops being plot relevant. I would like to see that fear be a bit more all-consuming. It could make for a good explanation as to why, despite the obvious danger, he's so keen to find out what's going on in the forest. It could be kind of like a distraction to him, something to focus on. When people are afraid, they often want to take control of what's making them afraid.
"Every topping," Finnley suggested, "or maybe one of those 'all the meats' pizzas. Hawaiian? You might just go for that- fruit on pizza!"
Mia laughed, and it made Finnley laugh too. "You'll never guess," she said, breathless.
"Tell me," Finnley grinned.
"It's cheese!" she shouted in delight. Finnley just shook his head and smiled. It seemed he would never figure her out.
I just loved this. It honestly warmed my heart; it was such a cute, funny little bit of characterisation. I have to second BlueAfrica in saying that I love their friendship, and I really like that there's no hint of romance so far. I love seeing books with strong male/female friendships because they're so underrepresented. They always seem to turn into romance, which isn't a bad thing in itself, but it gets a bit tiring after a while because it's so common.
Overall, a sweet little chapter segment, thought not that much seems to have happened. I'll stay my hand on reaching a verdict until I've read 8.2, because it may be that we get a bit more drama in the second half. My main suggestion at this point is to try and focus a bit more on Finnley's trauma, as it seems to have dropped into the background somewhat. I love where the story's going, though.
Keep writing!
~Pan
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Reviews: 641
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