“Why?
Why won’t you tell me?”
…
This room,
Gray
Silver
Pewter if you will.
I sigh.
And glance around,
This standstill again.
He has a small set of Newton balls,
They click, clack, tick
Silver.
“I won’t tell you because…”
Click, clack, tick
“Inside me
Everything
Is romantically beautiful.
It is lace and silk.
It is
Parchment and ivory and rosebuds.
The world has a sheer and sultry
Haze about it.
Sunlight,
The sunlight is
A perfect blend of
Cream and gold.
Everything
Is dramatic, weighty
Impactful.
Nothing flighty, nothing stupid.
Everything
Is simple and perfect.
It looks as if peered at through
Film.
But step into the real world,
Even a slow,
Maybe tentative step,
And it is harsh.
Everything
Has sharp edges,
Nothing sounds the same or
Looks the same.
The sunlight
Is sinlight
In an unforgiving white.
There is grit and grime
Everywhere.
Stalking,waiting for an inner secret
From this inner world
To pounce on,
And deface,
Blemish,
Corrupt,
Tarnish
Its wholesomeness and truth.
No, no
Everything
Is safer on the inside.”
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140,795 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Flow of the poem is a bit confusing. I like the quotations and the story. However, it seems a bit choppy. Put the poem "together". Keep the wording and the expressions used, but do revise the flow.
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I found the flow of the poem to be very distracting. I was trying to figure out how to read it and the best way I could figure was to read
it
like
William
Shatner.
But it is hard to keep a straight face while reading a poem like William Shatner. The flow of the poem was so disrupting that I have no idea what the poem was even about or what was meant by it. The imagery is disconnected from one another; so nothing really makes sense.
Grif
in
keeper