We are the inevitable roses that shoot from cement cracks,
Not all white.
A new race of linguists,
Our highly analytical minds translating every nuance
From a language of pure egotism.
We’re vain, colorblind philanthropists;
Uninformed and opinionated
Craving fame as well as infamy
Obsessed and appeased within the marriage of ambition and assumption.
Naiveté is our elixir,
Those without it break quickly and cleanly.
We are young
And we are roaring,
Making art and making do
With your pacifying diversion, your shiny new toy.
The final frontier is no longer the heavens.
We will kill you with your own weapon.
We are Generation Y.
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140,795 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Hm. Generation Y? I'm going to review this later, it's worth a review and provides a chance to look at the power of idea development through the voice, rather than images or progression of events, alone. I'll message you or leave something on your wall when you should come back to this.
Back for the real review!
Ho, this is the only two lines where you don't cram juxtaposition and dichotomy. And you also use imagery here. SO, you don't follow this. And you never really make it obvious why these roses must appear, and what meaning "white" has to the reader, much less as a symbol. Is it generation Y? That's a tenuous, cursory relation since it's not obvious the speaker of the poem is referencing the title. You do wrap this up in the end, sort of, but you must understand that if the topic is not made clear and then if followed with lines that do not elaborate, you've lost the reader. You can't wait till the end.
I want to make something clear. You had an idea. You imparted feeling and the impression of the "post modern", but then you didn't dive in. You didn't depict it for my eyes, you didn't illustrate or guide me, you threw it at me as if it were a drive by. Don't lose yourself in the speaking voice. You're acting as if you're speaking for an entire generation; BIG THING and wayyyyy ambitious. Too much for you right now. You rely on juxtaposition, dichotomy, counter image, etc., far too much to the point it becomes a crux, a gimmick, though you have decent word choice and flow, but it becomes thin. Your ending also reads haphazardly, as if you didn't quite give the reader what they expected.
I would put more meat in here. Elaborate on every line, analyze to find an example, and then fit it into the mood. As of now, there simply is not enough for me to say more without "it's an incomplete thought" that cannot possibly speak for a generation when the generation has yet to identify itself.
Hope that helps you.
I really liked this poem, because it seems to represent today's generation.I like that this feels like a battlecry. My favorite part was We are young And we are roaring, Making art and making do I like this beacuse it was a strong phrase that really added to this poem.
I love this!
My favorite part of this poem was "Craving Fame as Well as Infamy". That's so true.
I love your tone when you write this. It's so self-justifying and cocky, but its so realistic.
I'm sorry that I have no real critique for you, but I really liked this.
Keep up the good work!
-Alex
Great sense of emotion! Very well told, it was filled with emotion, it was original,it was creative,it was fantastic! Keep writing and never stop!
Hi!
Overall tone of voice: intense.
Great expression of emotion! The theme is creative, though a little hard to understand. You used a whole lot of really great words, but for such a short poem, I think the compression of words is just a little too much. Good job on grammar, spelling, and such, but the fluency could do with some work. By the last few lines I could read it out loud smoothly and easily, but the beginning was a little choppy.
I totally enjoyed it! I'd give it a 9/10.
-Lili