Morrigan

This is Kaos here for a review!

i. I am cold, and she is watching me.

My veins flood with ice, each breath bringing frost into my lungs.

She is standing in front in a raven's cloak, and I do not trust her.

My skin has split and torn, blood staining my marble-carved skin.

She is laughing in a crow's voice, and I do not want to listen.

I fall to my knees, and she does not care.

This is an interesting first stanza. The first thing I noticed was your punctuation. Use more than just periods because this will get stale very easily if you're just going to do that. Let the lines build off of each other rather than just ending them straight after they start. Onto the actual content here, from what I'm interpreting, the speaker is against this woman in a raven's cloak and we don't really know if she is a raven or if she turns into a raven? This far into the poem I'm /thinking/ that this is fantasy-based but I'm not quite sure if this is just a metaphor or not. I'm taking it literally so far and I wanted to comment on the imagery which is something that I think is strong but it could be stronger because at the moment the lines have a lacking of emotional impact. It feels like they're getting there, though.

ii. I am dying, and she is watching me.

My chest struggles to rise, each second offering only more pain.

She is cradling my head in a mother's hold, and I do not understand.

My vision has fled, my eyes catching glimpses of a dark void.

She is whispering of rest, and I do not want to die.

I struggle to breathe, and she mocks me.

The use of repetition and filling in the blank with the lines is an interesting choice that you chose to do for this poem, and I think it benefits in that. My main problem with this stanza is the vagueness and lack of clarity it has of what's going on. This is a narrative as far as I know, so let it have those elements and tell the story. There are a lot of questions that the reader has at this point, like who is the woman in the raven cloak? How does she connect or have relations to the speaker? And many more like that.

iii. I am dead, and she is no longer here.

My body is translucent, each year stealing me further from memory.

She had abandoned me to nothing, and I do not celebrate.

My spirit is guttering, my false heart yearning for the other side.

She had told me to leave this world, and I do not want to move.

I cry out for her, and she never appears.

None of the questions that I had previous were really resolved or answered in this last stanza, and it's disappointing. I feel the possibility of power in your lines but it's not quite there and your style interests me. Give us a better guide on how to interpret this poem, because the reader doesn't really know what to think by the end of it, and this is apart of that it ended abruptly. Give it more pacing in that sense, this poem could be longer and I don't think it would be hurt by that if it helped answer the questions of the reader.

I hope I helped and have a great day!