Young Writers Society

Hola, EverySecond! Artemis wants to give some reviews today, so you've got the pleasure of receiving one.

Now, we might as well start. The second stanza is quite contradictory, to be honest. The last line says: "I am young; I am not made to relax." Well, the narrator was resting in the second line (which, as you know, is pretty close to relaxing). Try to find some way to make this flow together, but keep your style and lyrical language. It's amazing so far.

I also want to discuss the title. Yes, an astronaut floats through space with "only a void for company," but an astronaut has a purpose. They explore the moon and space and bring information about regions far from Earth. Maybe this is a small detail, but it kind of irks me.

I'm pretty sure that's all I have to say, actually. You convey a feeling of solidarity and hurt, but in the second stanza the moon brings some comfort to the narrator. That's a nice solace, and I'm glad you included it.

You have a lot of potential that YWS can develop. Keep writing here!

XOX,
Artemis28

Hi. This is Kman134, here, with a review.

When reading this poem, i understand the mentality of an astronaut. They feel the sensation when floating in a tin can, high above the world. the feeling of touching the heavens while living in the same level as the gods.

"In my dreams, I can see the Earth.

I am homesick, so close to my origin and

yet I can't reach it.

My body is adrift and I cannot find the will to move myself.

I am alone; I have only a void for company."

However, when you return to the earth, you wish to have the sensation back, to fly to the thermosphere and closely see the stars dance.

Anyway, that's all i have to write. it was a good poem and i wish to read more of your work.

Just a quick little review. c:
This was so good. I absolutely love your word choice, as well as the feeling that this invokes. It's a great spoken word poem. I don't really have any qualms with this. My favorite lines are, "My body is adrift and I cannot find the will to move myself. I am alone; I have only a void for company." This is very resonant with the audience, as almost everyone has felt this way, in a dream or otherwise. I also love your repitition of structure in the stanzas, it was an effective delivery. I like the alliteration "silver serenity."

In conclusion, very good, in my opinion. It's well written, and has a powerful, poignant message.
Thanks,
~Joelsweet
(Ps- by no means am I a professional poet, haha ^^)