Young Writers Society

I enjoy that this can be interpreted in many different ways. It really includes everyone in any lifestyle. This could be a song to get someone in their emotions, which is great and can be hard to do. It can also be interpreted that time goes on and things can get better, which can get people out of there emotions. Songs like these are hard to make that fit anyone's life, but you guys did great with that. It would be really cool to hear the song. I get that may be hard, but I'm just saying it sounds really cool. I also like the second verse, it really gets the reader/listener into the story.

As the song goes on it goes deeper and deeper into a story. Songs like that are hard to come by, especially in this day and age. Most people just repeat one word through the whole song, and there is nothing to follow.

What's also cool about this is that there are multiple singers (well would be if it was a true song). It would give the song more dynamic. Anyway, I'll be checking out your accounts.

Great job!

Hey EverLight, LokiRagnarok, & StarLord~

Katja here to review your lyrics. As with all of my reviews please feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions I make if you find them unhelpful. That being said, let's get into the review!

Overall Thoughts

Overall I like that the lyrics pair with a tune- it helped me to imagine the intended rhythm for your song. I listened to it as I read through and tried to grasp the full vision you all had for these lyrics.

The meaning itself seems to be deeply rooted pain from a past the narrator is unable to escape- athough time moves forward they are running from their life, their dreams, their hopes. That could be WAY off but that's how I interpreted it~

I particularly liked the last two major lines, they really wrap up the piece nicely and maintain the repeated idea that time is moving forward and the narrator is left in "the eternal" with the *conflict* they are dealing with.

The great clock of time, ticks on and on

and I'm crying out for mercy amidst the eternal....

Confusion clouds my mind and I'm lost in thoughts

Praying that my hurt should come to end

Hey, you guys!

It's so much fun writing lyrics when music smacks you with that kind of inspiration. I love the song Clocks by Coldplay, and I would have REALLY loved to hear these lyrics put to the music! I like how you keep the idea of a ticking clock in your piece to draw the correlation with the passing of time.

You also maintain this theme of an internal struggle between two very opposing factors that are tearing up the speaker. I like that the lyrics themselves maintain this aloofness about it, this emotion of confusion and helplessness and feeling overwhelmed with what life brings the speaker.

I had a little difficulty lining this up with Clocks musically and the rhythm kind of lost on me, so definitely pay attention that the rhythm makes sense with the music. I notice there's no rhyme scheme, which is fine, even though Clocks does have a rhyme scheme, which is a notable difference and simply requires extra attention that the music and lyrics both flow well enough together.

There was also one verse that had me kind of confused, but it could just be me and would require other opinions to verify. The verse alluding to the idea of a shooting star felt out of place to me. It seemed like it contradicted itself as the stanza started out with losing hope, but ends with the idea of reaching for a shooting star which is the exact opposite, in my mind.

I like what you have, though. I can tell you guys were really inspired by this piece, and that's really fantastic! Keep up the good work, and maybe you guys will become lyricists or even parody lyricists yourselves!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!