Note: This is to see if I should go on with this idea. I decided to keep it short for a hooker type thing.
Introduction
Our life is usually chosen by us, but sometimes it's chosen for us. For three weasel brothers, Jinx Lynx and Minx there's was to be a crazy one, taking them down unforeseen paths, adventures and dangers. Their life was to be one of heroism chaos and lies to top it all off. Follow their journey through life . . .
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Hi Katnes!
Wow this is short. It sounds interesting though, and I understand why you chose to keep it as such.
I have a few questions that might help with the development of the idea:
1. Will Jinx, Lynx and Minx have distinct personalities?
2. If so (as in, they have distinct personalities), will they be linked to these ideas of heroism, chaos and lies (deception)? Because those are three very interesting character traits that you could, especially when they interact with one another.
3. What sort of paths, adventures and dangers will these weasels be going on? What is the extent of their anthropomorphism? Can they walk, speak etc or are these traits going to be 'added' on by a narrator who is simply observing them? I think something from the perspective of a child watching them and imagining what they're up to could be very interesting...
Good luck with it! I hope it works out! I'm very interested to hear what you intend to do with this story. Keep me posted!!!
-Lupin
I'll try. I guess that means I should continue. Yes they will have distinct personalities. Yes they will be able to talk and all that. They are going to narrate the story. As for what paths and adventures they are going to have-thats the surprize.
Weasels are pretty cool... FantasyWriter76, or Fantasy76, if you preferred. And I'll review this soon to be story! So let's get into it!
Now, this is super short! But it would be better if you made this like the first page upon opening the book. Usually when books do that, they take a paragraph or paragraphs out of the actual story, so if this is like that it'd be fine. But if this was the prologue or the synopsis, it is just too short, so keep that in mind.
Criticism outta the way, I think the story seems interesting, and for the weasel brothers names, though they are just alterations of each other, it could work like other famous characters with similar names.
Overall, I give this a 4 unforeseen paths out of 5
Hello!
Wow, this is incredibly short. Are you meaning for this to be in the novel or the synopsis on the back of the novel? I'm thinking it's meant to be the latter, so I'm going to continue on with that assumption.
I like that opening line you have there. That's the type of thing that really gets people to want to read your story. It's a nice, bold statement! Moving on from that, I think that instead of simply saying that the brothers are going to go down "unforeseen paths" and whatnot, you should give some quick snippets of what they're actually going to face in the novel. What drives them to go on this adventure? Are they searching out some lost artifact? Was there home destroyed?
I'm not saying you have to spoil your entire novel, but, if you're looking to hook your readers, then I suggest just throwing us a little bone.
Aside from that, I just want to mention your comma use. I usually don't bother with reviewing grammar things, but I figure it wouldn't hurt since this is so short.
I'm not exactly sure if the last comma I added is necessary - they changed some rules about commas I think - but I included it anyway because I'm a fan of the Oxford comma. I also noticed this problem whenever you introduced the three brothers by name, but I'm not sure how to edit that because if you add in all the commas then it would just be a comma overload. Sorry! Hopefully somebody else has more ideas on that.
Personally, I would do that names in some dashes, but that's just me.
Anyway, that's all I have for this. A short review for a short piece lol I'm excited to actually read your story though! I don't read many things about animals as main characters, so I'm excited to see what you have!