Hello!
While I didn't dislike this piece of flash fiction entirely, I think some revision could help. Well, some revision at least, because I did already enjoy your general premise.
Even though this is flash fiction, and it's going to be short, it doesn't need to be this short. I'm saying this because I felt that a little more development could push this story a long way. There is definitely such a thing as being too brief. A main concern would be around the main character "becoming" Ravana R. R. Night, the "dark one". Who is this person? How did they earn the title? What about her is "evil". These are all questions that the reader has no answers to, which means this whole segment of the piece (which is really the turning-point) has no effect on them! A character is only as evil as they have been described to be, simply saying that they're "evil" and "dark" doesn't help. Trying to add a sense of vague mystery is fine, but it's no excuse to leave a blank slate!
Another concern is the actual aim of the story. Call it a moral, for lack of better term. What are you trying to imply? It seems that you've gotten mixed up in your message, or haven't expressed it clearly enough, and the reader can't really take anything from that. At first, you seem to want to say that the world isn't black and white, and is a mix; there's no such divide as good and evil. But then you talk about a war between good and evil, which is a definite divide, and even blatantly turn your main character evil by the end! This results in piece seeming to lack purpose and just come off as rhetoric. Try to revise your goal and keep in it mind for the entire story!
Those things aside, your writing is good. You seem to have a natural sense of good narration. I can say for certain that I didn't get bored reading this, because you have the gift of a storyteller. A little more planning could help that gift go a long way, I think
Points: 13147
Reviews: 108
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