Young Writers Society

It’s a beautiful and touching poem. I liked the ideas behind the poem. The sentences you have used captivated me and convinced me that pain can be a blessing and that there is a purpose of every tear that has fallen from our eyes. I liked the concept that suffering, tragedy, love and joy is beauty but how can be tragedy be beauty?
“ It’s time to look for the rose in the thorns
the calm within the storm, the light in the night
Enough of sorrow and fear we can rise above that and be true to who we are
We can live a life
We can be free from all”
This lines are motivating enough for any reader. I believe that great efforts have been put in to make this poem so beautiful.
I have a few suggestions not intended to offend you. Apologies if I do-
Where you have written-
“I often wonder myself as I gaze out at our beautiful world”
I think here myself is a bit appropriate. The sentence can covey it’s meaning without using myself.
And instead of saying that pain has its blessings you can also say that pain is a blessing.
Overall A graet poem and I am keen to read more of your poems.

Hi, Bloodlord here to review your beautiful poem!

I really love the concept you use here. I like how the poem's perspective evolves from beginning to end, from "Is living worth all the pain?" to "We can live a life. / We can be free from it all."

I have a few small comments, if it would be useful for you:


"I often wonder myself as I gaze out at our beautiful world

I often pray that God would help me see the reasons for it all"

I like your anaphora with "I often... / I often...". Your punctuation for the rest of the poem is pretty consistent, but I think here a semicolon or comma after the first line and a period after the second might be better.

In the first line, I think "myself" is a little redundant. To make both lines more fluid and have similar syllables, maybe something similar to "I often wonder as I gaze at our beautiful world; / I often pray God would help me see reasons for it all." would be better?

Another place where I think you can create parallel construction is with the lines "Could it be that pain has its blessings?" and "Could it be that death is gain?". (Note: in your poem you write 'it's'; remember that this is a contraction for 'it is' and 'its' is the possessive form.)

The first line is a little wordy. Perhaps "Could pain have its blessings?" is more concise. Then, the second line could become, "Could death have its gains?". Then you would have isocolon with "Could ______ have its _______".

I like your anaphora with "We can... / We can..." at the end as well.


Some of the lines in your poem seemed a little long, and I think you could split them up a little more.

"Some of our most precious moments come when we get together and rise above it."

I don't pronoun 'it' is the right one at the end since you are referring to 'things' plural. I think 'them' may be more appropriate. Also, splitting this line into to lines would make it more readable. For example,

Some of our more precious moments come
When we get together and rose above them.

"We often become stronger a better person."

I think a comma after stronger would make more sense since the words kind of melt together here.

"Maybe for every tear that is cried there is a purpose."

I don't think 'that is cried' is necessary. "Maybe for every tear there is a purpose" is more fluid.

"Is it true that every memory the good ones and bad are precious."

A comma after 'memory' and 'bad' would make this more clear.

"I have come to understand that life, pain, suffering, tragedy, joy, and love is all beauty."

Since you are talking about multiple things, 'are' instead of 'is' as the verb would make more sense. Also, because the next line categorizes those things as sources of possible pain, I think that taking out pain from the list here would be better. This line is a little long, so you could split it up more like this:

I have come to understand
Life, suffering, tragedy, joy, and love
Are all beauty.

"So yes I can say we have beautiful pain."

Commas before and after the yes would make more sense.

"Enough of sorrow and fear we can rise above that and be true to who we are."

Maybe "Enough of sorrow and fear / We can rise above that and be true to who we are."?


Overall, great poem! I look forward to reading more. Also, these are all just my opinions, so feel free to pick / choose / ignore as you like!

A touching poem!!