Yesterday I held you
while you cried,
You looked me in the eyes
your blue eyes sparkling with tears
.
I watched you fall asleep
in the mirror,
with your head balanced on my shoulder
breathing in a steady beat
.
You woke up when I put you down
so I held you tighter, closer
you yelled at me for a bit
in that wordless cry
.
You said my name
in that small lisp
It sounded so sweet and delicate
I'll keep to next to my heart
.
I know you don't know much
But I know that you know,
I'll always protect you
from everything, everyone.
.
And as you drift away
closing your eyes to this world
I put you down
and I'm grateful
.
I'm grateful because you love me
I'm grateful because I love you
I'm grateful for you
I'm grateful to be a sister
.
I'll be here for you
always, forever
I had never loved someone so much
'till I met you
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,862 Reviews
This piece was so touching and I wanted more. This is what I like to feel in poems i read, a genuine emotion. You made me feel as if it was me in the persona's shoes and boy did I feel the love. I just want to share some friendly advice to help you in the future.
Establish a reading habit that matches roughly what you hope to write and publish. Make it as important as anything else you schedule in your day, and never allow busyness to crowd out the time you devote to consuming other good works.
It’s fine not to finish books or to abandon authors you don’t like, but never stop consuming the genre you want become known in. It raises your writerly IQ and ultimately lays the foundation for better literary citizenship and networking with other authors, editors, and agents. A non-reader is soon outed and left behind in this business.
This worked for me so I hope it can help you as well.
-Jevan
This is true love from sister to sister or sister to brother. It was very heart warming, and pulled on my heartstrings! Its amazing. I think this is how every person feels when they have a baby sibling. Thats definitely how I felt. I really love my sister and who do anything for her. I will always love my sister and protect her at all costs. Keep writing, you are amazing at it. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Lady Astella
This is such a sweet poem, and I really like the picture.
I have two younger siblings, but one of them is my twin and the other is only 3 years younger than me. I've always wished I had a little sister or brother to take care of in this way.
I have a twin too! But she's 'older' than me. 60 seconds make hardly a difference, right? At least I'm taller.
I'm older than mine by 55 seconds.
And I'm quite glad that I'm taller than her.
Another beautiful piece of poetry conveyed in such a delicate manner.
sister love sounds so sweet. never had that.
Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.
That having been said:
This is absolutely beautiful expression of sisterly love towards a newborn sibling.
Reminds me of how Cleopatra Stratan the famous girl singer from Romania felt when her little brother Caesar Stratan was born. She even sings a song dedicated to him expressing that love. I personally never had siblings but can imagine the deep bond that can form between them. Lovely to see the protective way that you speak about the baby and how you promise to be its guardian forever. These are the noble thoughts and expressions that illuminate the darkness of this world and prevents it from totally blotting out the light.
I like the repetition for emphasis of "always" "forever" "eyes"" "your blue eyes" "tighter"" "closer".
'
Like the alliteration in "breathing"and ""beat".
Suggestion
I'll keep to next to....
[I'll keep it next to....]
Looking forward to reading more of your poetry.
Thank you! It's really sad you never had siblings (sisters especially, brothers can be a bother). I guess I should have done one more revision before publishing, oops.