Flickering moonlight
Iridescent shadows
Unbroken, perfect, heavenly beams
Longing to touch the broken ground
Floating down
like gentle rain
To flood the grave
Of a dying Earth
Or, perhaps, falling up
An angelic storm
To kiss the palm
Of a universal what if.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
I loved this! I could picture the scene perfectly! I think you set that up very well. I felt like instead of writing this review I was looking at a street in the dead of night with bright beams from the moon shining down. I also like how you have two sort of different perspective, almost. "Longing to touch the broken ground" kind of makes it seem like you wanted the reader to assume that the moon wanted to be on Earth. And how it seemed like the beams from the moonlight were comforting the Earth, which I completely understand. Sometimes, at night, when I can't sleep, I will get out of bed and open my blinds and watch the empty street, and the sky lit with stars and the street lit with moonlight. I wish there were more poems in the world like this.
Aw thank you so much! Yeah this is one of my favorites, it's what got me back into poetry after a couple of years of not writing much. I'm really glad you enjoyed it, thanks again!
Most of the time I review a poem when I find that the poem has been concluded in a very unique way.
Here I got the feeling that you ended the poem in an atmosphere of ambiguity for any kind of reader. This was well done as it leaves the reader in thought and generally has a good effect but you still have to slightly reduce the vagueness and bring some clarity to the idea.
I loved how you've started the poem in a preset tone. The tone was pretty clear with Flickering moonlight, so it brings quite a lot of clarity to the image formed by the poem. In other words, a preset tone - usually the first line does it - is like printing a coloured image while the other style of beginning your poem would be beginning in uncertainty and building it up towards the end. That would be like printing an outline of the image and colouring it later.
I also loved the transition of possibilities after the second verse. I mean the transition from 'Floating down' to 'Floating up'.
I love the idea. I hope this review helps you. Keep writing!
Yours sincerely,
Gravitem.
Thanks for the review!
okay, so i don't know poetry at all to be honest. lemme just make that clear. but, i like the ambience (is that even okay to say about a poem?) of this poem a lot! i feel like you put a lot of people's feelings into writing. you definitely got mine.
i honestly just want to quote the whole thing and say "I LOVE THIS" because i just do. xD
okay but the first section is just really pretty. i can just imagine the moon. such a pretty picture yeah? love it!
please keep on writing! you have a wonderful poem here! ^w^
~laynie <3
Thank you so much, I'm glad you enjoyed it!
you're welcome ! ^w^