z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Beautiful Madness

by Elfboy


I've spent far too long lamenting
What I am, what we are,
A pair of shattered misfits
Broken together as we struggle.

I've been a madman,
Screaming with laughter,  
I've been a monster,
Howling with rage,
I've been a fool,
Mind filled with lies, and
I've been a wet grey hole,
Filled to the brim with nothing.
And what hurts worse still,
I've seen you suffer the same.

And yet, sometimes I wonder,
If I would really be rid of it if I could
For despite the horrid thoughts it brings us
The searing pain that some days is our lives
You and I have tasted every wine,
And drank more deeply than anyone can claim.

We have seen the bottoms of the oceans
And we’ve breathed the thinnest mountain air
We have felt nearly all there is to feel
And you and I? We came back.
No matter how far we sink or how high we soar
You and I will always come back
As long as we hold on to each other.

So we have a choice to make
As these waves of madness throw us where they will
We can scream with terror as we thrash in the tides
Or we can scream with laughter as we take the ride of our lives
But it’s easier to laugh with a friend
So will you take my hand?

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39 Reviews

Points: 127
Reviews: 39

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Sun May 31, 2020 1:44 pm
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nanda wrote a review...



Hi Ethan!
I must say yours is a beautiful poem. I usually don't read long poetries as this one. But the sentimentality of this one compelled me to read it till end.
You language is superb. I am particularly very conscious about language when I read any literary works. And I found myself satisfied with that part while reading this one.
You are a great writer. But one thing I would certainly like to know, is that whom are you addressing in this poetry ?
As for the content, it's really praiseworthy. I appreciate the spirit and emotion with which you've written this.
Altogether this is something very beautiful and touching. And I wish to read more like this one from you in future.
I wish you a good luck for future. Also, keep reviewing my poems as well. I'd be highly grateful to you for that! As for now, Keep it up!

Best wishes
Mahira




Elfboy says...


Thank you so much, Mahira! The poem was written to my best friend, whom I met here on YWS. She and I both have bipolar disorder and ADHD, and that's what most of the poem is talking about. I'm glad you liked it, and I'd be happy to review your other poems!

Thanks again,
Ethan



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105 Reviews

Points: 33
Reviews: 105

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Wed May 06, 2020 2:01 pm
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fatherfig says...



*takes your hand for the few days I have left*




Elfboy says...


<3



fatherfig says...


<3



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455 Reviews

Points: 22123
Reviews: 455

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Tue May 05, 2020 1:19 am
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Hijinks wrote a review...



Hello Ethan! I had to leave this beautiful and touching poem a review.

I think I might know some of the backstory behind this, which makes it all the more impactful. However, even taken alone and as it is, this is an incredibly emotional poem and it conveys those feelings with wonderful intensity to the reader.

I've got a couple of very minor punctuation suggestions.

Especially in the second stanza, the punctuation is a little inconsistent.

I've been a madman,
Screaming with laughter
I've been a monster,
Howling with rage,
I've been a fool,
Mind filled with lies, and
I've been a wet grey hole,
Filled to the brim with nothing.
And what hurts worse still,
I've seen you suffer the same.

I would suggest either adding a comma after "laughter", to keep things consistent, or changing the punctuation to something along the lines of:
I've been a madman,
Screaming with laughter.
I've been a monster,
Howling with rage.
I've been a fool,
Mind filled with lies, and
I've been a wet grey hole,
Filled to the brim with nothing.
And what hurts worse still,
I've seen you suffer the same.

What I've done in the above quote is added some more periods. This is up to you though, and if you like a more run on feel to the poem then really all I would recommend is adding that one comma.

I've got a small suggestion, also, regarding one pair of lines:
I've been a wet grey hole,
Filled to the brim with nothing.

Your imagery throughout the poem is beautiful and fairly, sophisticated, I guess, and I just don't feel like these two lines fit in with the style of the poem. Honestly, I kind of find the picture of a "wet grey hole" verging on disgusting (not sure why). But again, if you think it fits your poem, that's a personal preference and completely up to you.

The last critique I have is to do with line length. The first half of the poem has lines as short as
I've been a fool,

while later in the poem, we see lengthy lines such as
Or we can scream with laughter as we take the ride of our lives.

It's not a huge deal, since the flow is fine, but visually it's not quite as appealing. So (again), it's really up to you.

All in all, this is a very well done poem. It's very emotional, and your language and imagery are stellar. I really enjoyed reading it, and I hope my review was helpful.

Keep writing!

Loonzy




Elfboy says...


Thanks Loonz! Good eye on the comma, I totally missed that. And yeah, the 'wet grey hole' was meant to be a little gross like you said, but if it feels out-of-place, I'll think about changing it. As for the long line at the end, yeah, I was thinking about changing it into two lines, but I wanted it to mirror the line before it, so I left it.

Anyway, thanks again! Very helpful, you reviews are always appreciated.



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33 Reviews

Points: 164
Reviews: 33

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Mon May 04, 2020 10:10 pm
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DeliriumNervosa wrote a review...



Hi EthanHoover,

I thought I would stop by and leave a review on your work.
Wow! I absolutely loved reading this poem! The message you have broadcasted throughout is absolutely wonderful and it really comes out in the last few lines.
I really love how you show that no matter what, if the person is right or meant to be in your life, it will happen. No matter what has happened to these characters, they have remained a constant to each other. This is something the world needs more of and I am so glad you have chosen to write about it! Many people could resonate with this poem and I believe it is definitely a keeper!

I can't wait to read more of your work!

-Delirium Nervosa




Elfboy says...


Thank you so much, Delirium!




Morning without you is a dwindled dawn.
— Emily Dickenson