z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Snow Queen (Chapter 4)

by ErikaHale


Chapter 4

“Still nothing?" Andrei inquired, looking up from the pile of books that were spread out on his desk.

"Still nothing." Sonya replied full of vexation, slamming yet another book shut. The princess raised her grey eyes from the dark mahogany desk and looked around. The royal library was and had always been her favorite room in the castle. She knew there was some sort of magic in being surrounded by books.

Yet today, as she regarded the many volumes stacked high against the dark maroon walls, their presence was more intimidating than magical.

Almost two thousand volumes and not one of them matches the rhymes that echo in my head? How is that even possible? Sonya wondered as she fell back on her chair, defeated.

"What made you change your mind?" Andrei asked, circling around his desk to get close to her. "About the Snow Queen, I mean."

Sonya sat up in her chair and huffed. "I didn't want to say this in front of your father because I knew it would make me sound like a child, but every year, on my birthday, the Snow Queen pays me a visit."

Andrei pulled up a chair and set it right next to her. "What do you mean by 'paying you a visit'?"

Sonya took a breath before beginning to tell her tale. She hadn't spoken about this phenomenon to anyone, not even her own father. Maybe it was her attraction to Andrei that made her feel so comfortable about retelling this event to him, or maybe it was her need to get it off her chest. Either way, Sonya knew that she could trust this farm boy with her secret, so she began.

"Three years ago, on the night of my eleventh birthday, I felt a pair of cold lips against my forehead. I remember their touch sent shivers up my spine.

"My eyelids fluttered open, and that's when I saw her. She was right in front of me, leaning into my bedside. Her face was long and oval shaped, like mine. Her skin was the color of snow. Her eyes were so bright and beautiful, once you saw them it was impossible to look away. Her irises seemed to be changing color, from a dark blue to a glistening grey. I don't know if it was my imagination or what, but I think I saw miniature snowflakes trapped in her eyes.

Her lips were narrow and tainted the lightests of pink. Her hair was long and thin, the same color of mine. And atop her head stood an impotent crown, adorned with blood diamonds and sapphires.

When she realized that I was awake, her eyes widened and turned to a pale blue. She then disappeared, leaving behind a faint scent of pine needles."

Andrei's jaw dropped. "So that's it. She's real. All this time, I thought the woman I saw outside my window had been a dream, but she clearly she was not."

Sonya frowned. "How can you be so certain?"

"Because the woman that you described is the same woman I saw! She had the same oval shaped face, the same long yellow hair, and the same crown! She was standing outside my window on Christmas last year! I remember she put her hands on the glass, and when I set mine against hers, she… disappeared. All this time, I thought I was insane, I thought I had seen a vision… But I was wrong! She's real!" 

Forget what I said. This young boy is a lunatic. The princess thought to herself as she watched Andrei ramble on about the stories he'd heard. Maybe the woman that kissed my forehead that night was an intruder ridiculously dressed. Yes, that's probably it. That's the most logical explanation.

"Come on, Andrei. Help me check the storybooks, maybe we'll find our verse there." Sonya told him quickly, grabbing him by the arm and dragging him towards one of the shelves.

But before they could get there, a powerful gust of wind opened one of the windows and let in the cold air.

"Oh, dear!" Sonya cried, running towards the open window. "Andrei! Andrei, help me close it!"

The young boy dashed to her side, and together they shut the window panel with such force, they both fell to the ground.

Sonya blinked timidly when she realized her nose was only millimeters away from Andrei's. They were lying on the wooden floor side by side, propped up in their elbows. If Sonya were to lean i a little farther, she could've easily brushed her lips against his.

"Y-you have a delightful perfume, princess." The farm boy said awkwardly, not sure whether or not it would be appropriate to stand up or crawl away from her.

The corners of Sonya's delicate mouth turned upward. "Why thank you."

Kiss me, you fool! The princess screamed in her mind. This is the part in every story where the two main characters kiss! We are the main characters in our story, so stop staring at me like that and kiss me! 

"Uh..." Andrei stuttered. "We should probably get back to our research..." He whispered, slowly backing away from her.

Sonya look down at the ground trying to hide her disappointment. "Yes. Yes, of course."

Andrei stood up quickly and offered her his hand.

"That's alright." Sonya said, shaking her head. "I can stand up by myself."

The princess's chilly attitude towards him felt like a very sharp arrow head piercing Andrei's heart. He had been so close to befriending her, and now, that seemed very unlikely.

"Andrei!" the princess exclaimed. "Andrei, look what that gust of wind brought in!"

Sonya rushed towards him clutching a single piece of paper. It was slightly torn and covered in tiny snowflakes that were beginning to melt, but the words written on it in black ink were perfectly readable.

Written on the piece of paper were the following sentences:

The Most Powerful Snowstorm In Recorded History

ATTENTION! Casting this spell will freeze the face of the Earth.

Ingredients:

The tail of the fastest horse, to make the fastest wind

The throat of the lion who possesses the mightiest roar, to make the mightiest thunder

A single drop of rain from the Amazon, to fill the clouds with the darkest rain

The heart of the coldest man, to make the coldest air

Preparation:

Yet none of them knew how to prepare the spell, since that part had been torn off.


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Thu Sep 15, 2016 8:17 am
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MrsJennings wrote a review...



Hello Erika!

I was gone a few days but I'm back for my review on your fourth chapter!
Loooved the descriptions and setting on this chapter. You could have added more details of the ambiance at the library though.

Two short comments:

1. As to the plot, unlike Felistia, I do not think that the inmediate trust between Andrei and Sonya seems too soon. Sometimes there is an attraction between two people that creates instant trust, its chemistry, or fate, or god, or love. It simply happens. However, you have to be able to transpire it into words and I agree with Felistia that such exposure should have been deepened.

2. As to the setting, I also found interesting that Felistia finds Andrei's story "as ridiculous as Sonya's". Although I never felt that, I believe the setting should be further explained. What time lapse is it? What era? Is it an imaginary age, with middle ages type background and customs? You should be more specific as to where youre characters develop, it helps the reader picturing the story. This plot is great movie material. Think it as a movie. If you were to film the movie of your story, where and how would you set it? What background and locations would you choose?
I hope my thoughts help you to find the courage and time to write the next chapter!

Kindest regards,

Mrs Jennings




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Thu Sep 08, 2016 1:01 am
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felistia wrote a review...



Hi, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day. :D

Nit-picks

Either way, Sonya knew that she could trust this farm boy with her secret, so she began.
This feels a bit soon. I can understand her telling him this secret a bit later in the story when they know each other a bit more, but right now it just feels to soon. She hasn't known him for more then 12 hours yet and she's already telling him things that she wouldn't even tell her father. I don't know. Maybe after they've known each other for a week or so.

Forget what I said. This young boy is a lunatic. The princess thought to herself as she watched Andrei ramble on about the stories he'd heard. Maybe the woman that kissed my forehead that night was an intruder ridiculously dressed. Yes, that's probably it. That's the most logical explanation.
Why did she suddenly think that he's a loon? His story is no more ridiculous as hers.

Overall thoughts

Chapter plot: I'd say at the moment that you story is progressing in leaps and bounds. Every single chapter brings something new and interesting. By the way, I thought that the length of this chapter was perfect. I'm really interested in what this Snow Queen want's with Sonya and Andrei. I have a few suspicions on what it might be. So far the plot seems solid and I can't really see any plot holes, so as always, I don't have much to say, other than well done. :D

Characters: I really like how Sonya and Andrei's relationships is going. It's kinda sweet. I do think that you might be going a bit to fast though. Give them time to know each other before having them tell each other secrets. I thought that that little awkward part was great and the reactions where great. That's was a very good way of building their relationship. :D

Description: As always I thought your description was great. You always remember to put in the fine details like here
I remember their touch sent shivers up my spine.
The only place where I thought you could have included more was the description of the library. When ever I go into a library, the first thing I notice is the old wooded smell of the books. I just thought you could have expanded just a touch. :D

Overall this was a great chapter and I look forward to the next one. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night. :D

Your friend, Felistia. :D

This review courtesy of Image




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Wed Sep 07, 2016 11:56 pm
TheSilverFox wrote a review...



Hello there, ErikaHale! I'm here to review the fourth chapter of your novel today! I apologize for not having read the previous chapters, as I likely won't be of much use when it comes to reviewing the plot of your story, but I'll see what I can do.

...Okay, that was actually straightforward. Nicely done! You did a wonderful job of allowing me to step into the world of these characters and learn more about them and their plights in a cohesive, sensible fashion. Even though I haven't read the previous chapters, I was able to quite easily learn a little more about Sonya and Andrei, especially through your skillful usage of descriptions on their emotional states, actions, and reactions to each other. In particular, the scene where they almost kissed was exceptional. I like how Sonya was hoping Andrei would kiss her (which was rather humorous), and the clear romantic interest they have in each other, as visualized by Andrei's being upset by Sonya's coldness when he awkwardly backed away. Then, of course, there was Andrei's being chatty, the stories that each of them told, and the way their lives seem to have been intertwined. So, in all due honesty, your characterization and character development, plus an ease of an ability to slip into this story and discern what's happening fairly easily, are my favorite parts of the story.

Beyond that, I also found the setting and plot of the story to be solid. You're concise, to-the-point, and descriptive enough to allow me to visualize each scene clearly. I can see where they are, their efforts to shut the window, the results, and the paper that they've found, as well as their descriptions of the eponymous Snow Queen. Too, the story flows smoothly, in an orderly fashion, and manages to be surprising and fun to read. Perhaps my greater critique in this case is how Andrei, being a farm boy, is so close to the princess, Sonya. Of course, I haven't read the previous chapters, so I don't have any context, but I do find a little odd that they are so close (and that Andrei can actually read). Otherwise, I must admit that it seems a little foolish on Sonya's part to hear Andrei describe something that exactly resembled her memory, and then think of him as crazy while trying to come up with her own explanation. I mean, perhaps she thought of him as more silly than crazy (which seems to be the case here, as she still seems to love him a lot), or thought that he was just trying to impress her by telling her a like-minded story, but it seems a little odd. I'm not sure if I'm missing something here?

Nevertheless, I enjoyed this story. It was fun to read from start to finish, nicely composed, and interesting. I imagine the Snow Queen is dropping a few surprise for them, given the ending - but, of course, the ending has been torn of (what poor luck. XD). I found the plot, setting, and characters to be complex, interesting, and well-developed, so, great job! This is fantastic! :D





When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
— Walter Lippmann