A little sun dont hurt nobody...

by Eraqio

Published May 27, 2010

In 1. Bears With Saws.

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What kind of summer,
is here this year?

No one, no one, yes no one,
is ever laughing.

The pools are boiling, clouds of chlorene
peeling off all your makeup.
It's all so deadly, its all so daring,
I cant get enough.

Dance with me while we still have feet to dance with.
Swim with me, lets risk getting drowned by the stronger current.

I'm not saying I want to die.
But this lazy day without a show to bust some heads
is bringing me down.

Amen, Amen, Amen, says the preacher bathing in the holy water,
I'm in, I'm in, I'm in, says the kid without a shirt to cover up.

The pools are boiling, clouds of chlorene
peeling off all your makeup.
It's all so deadly, its all so daring,
I cant get enough.

What are you doing, where are you going, dont you want to dry up?
Come follow me and we'll melt to the pavement.

Come on, Come on, I'm shouting to every shuttered home,
Come swim, I Swear, it'll be fun once we're all falling in.

I know, I swear, I hope you come to play.
Dont worry about the burns, this is summer, its come to stay.

Dont worry about the burns, this is summer, its come to stay.

Dont worry about the burns...

My name is Summer and I want you all to dive in.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Jon
Review
Jon wrote a review Review · May 31, 2010

The others have mentioned most of it, so that leaves me to say that I liked it, Eric. I don't normally read many lyrics, but being that it had "Eraqio" on it -- I thought I'd take a peek. ;D

I put a pop-feel to it. I saw an electric guitar, as well.

Anyway, good job.

-Jon
:D

User avatar
Yuriiko
Review
Yuriiko wrote a review Review · May 28, 2010

Hello there, Eraqio!

Okay, I thought this was really good because this lyric opens the wonders of summer. :D (The heat or the sun, pools and beaches, etc.) It's like I want to have an extended summer, because in few days in our place it's going to be over. :wink: Anyways, back to the topic...

Things that I want to correct and comment on:

A little sun don't hurt nobody...


First of all, you need to be aware of your title. It is because it's what drives the reader to see and read your lyrics. How can one be motivated enough to read your lyrics when in fact, the title isn't presentable enough? My point is that, try to proof read it. :wink:

Lack of Apostrophe is your problem: :wink:

it's all so daring,


Swim with me, let's risk getting drowned by the stronger current.


I can't get enough


don't you want to dry up?


Don't worry about the burns,


Just improve this lyric by adding some apostrophes and voila! This will turn into a good piece. Overall, I really like this! :)

Peace out!

Keep writing! :mrgreen:

_yuri_

CuteBalletDancer7 wrote a review Review · May 28, 2010

Ohhh(: I really like this. Right off I was interested. I believe your use of repetition was effective, but not overused. It gave it rhythm. Maybe, I'm not the best at editing songs. Anyways, the more I read, I began to hear the kind of music that would go with the song. The only thing I found odd, I guess, was the beginning. It didn't quite flow into the next verse. That could be just me too. Overall, you did a good job. Keep it up. (:



I have my books and my poetry to protect me.
— Paul Simon