Hey Enemy!
First of all, I have to say that this is an interesting and heart-touching concept. The title is enticing, and makes you want to read the chapter.
One thing that I noticed is that the entire prologue could use some more organization, as it seems a little confusing on the first read. This just my opinion, and I'm sorry if this offends you any manner.
"The key to my heart belongs to a girl I will probably never see again, this is the story of my greatest mistake"
This is a heart-wrenching and dramatic opening line for the prologue. It hooks the reader completely. Great opening!
The part that I find a little confusing is where you say "Clara" and "Tyler" over here:
I think I'm in love with you.
- Clara
No matter where you are in the world, you are with me, always.
You are my light, and I should have said it years ago, but I love you too.
- Tyler
From the format of the chapter, I think it's a first-person narrative. That's why I'm a little confused about why you say Clara and Tyler, because one of them has to be narrating the story right? If this is a mistake on my part, I apologize.
The rest of the prologue is really sweet, sad, and touching, and hints at some sort of separation between two people who were involved in a romantic relationship. It's intriguing, and sort of pulls the reader into reading the next chapter.
On the whole, it sounds like a great prologue, and I would definitely check out the next chapter. I think maybe it could use a little re-structuring, as it is a little confusing in the present form. Once again, I'm sorry if something I said offends you. Can't wait to read the next chapter.
Keep writing <3
Points: 40
Reviews: 78
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