Into The Darkness - Chapter 1 *Update*

by EmptySoul

Published April 28, 2015

12+

In Into The Darkness

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Chapter 1

The keen wind gusts on my bronzed face, feeling like a dozen of needles are stabbing me. I bend my head to protect my visage, but it doesn’t do anything at all. There’s a blizzard coming, a very big one. I look around me and see nothing but the lifeless trees enclosing me.

Earlier today, I was wandering around the city of Roselake and unfortunately, I found myself unable to identify where I was. I shiver at the thought that I might not be able to get home before dusk. I quickly let that terrible thought out of my mind. I’m strong and I’m going to find a way to get home.

As I walk, I can only hear the sound of the snow crunching under my pink boots. My boots are warm, but not warm enough to last many hours outside therefore my feet were getting chilly. The silence of the woodland makes me very nervous.

I begin to lose hope, thinking that the forest was endless. Finding a way out of this maze is like trying to sneeze with your eyes open. All of the trees looked alike and it didn't seem like I was going anywhere.

The feeling of helplessness comes to me again. I miss my parents; Clarence and Josephine. And also my little brother: Stephen. Even though they’re not my biological family, I can’t bear the thought of never seeing them again.

***

Clarence and Josephine adopted me when I was a baby. They’re lesbians thus they can’t make their own kids, However, they often told me that I was everything that they could imagine and that even though we don’t share the same blood, we’re a family and we always will be.

I never felt out of place or depressed about being adopted, I’m actually thankful. There must have been a reason that my birth parents, but me up for adoption. If they didn’t, I would probably not be as happy as I am now.

In my eyes, I have a normal family and I don’t care about the people who disagree. They’re allowed to have their own opinions. I only get frustrated when others try to hurt my family and/or shame us because of it. Even though my parents are lesbian, they are still humans and can love whoever they want.

***

I keep walking, thinking about my parents and Stephen. Finally, I see a house. It’s placed in the woods, which is quite unusual. I’m a bit disappointed that the house isn’t where there’s a lot of civilization.

The minuscule house is made of wood and it surprised me that it was still intact. It seemed pretty ancient and not strong enough to survive the storm. Or even just a lot of rain.

I walk up the stairs to the doorstep and I’m about to knock on the door, but I noticed a little girl at the window. Her face is very pale and she looks no older than ten years old. Her countenance is full of terror as if she just saw the most frightening thing ever. I reconsider my decision about asking the owner of the house for help. Maybe the owner is scaring the child. The maid notices me and she seems relieved. She goes away from the window for a second and then returns with an object in her hand; bright red lipstick. The young lady writes on the window with the lipstick. When she’s done, I could see that she wrote: Help me! I was terrorized by her sentence. Was someone abusing her? Keeping her as a hostage? I didn't have a clue, but I knew what I needed to do. I needed the help that little girl.

Comments & reviews · 4

User avatar
jumpingsheep
Review
jumpingsheep wrote a review Review · Aug 30, 2015

Hi, jumping sheep here! Happy review day!

First off, I really liked the characterization you have going on in this chapter, right off the bat. As a reader, I really felt like I had a sense of your narrator's personality from the first few paragraphs.

I noticed in the second section, you really delved into the narrator's family and such. While this was a nice addition, it took away a little bit from the action at hand. In the future, I would recommend sprinkling these details throughout the exposition instead of putting it all in a few paragraphs. Personally, I always find it more interesting when we learn a little bit about a narrator as we read, instead of knowing it all immediately. However, like I said, I do enjoy the backstory though and I think it's very neat.

Also, the cliff hanger ending was wicked :D The pacing in that scene was just right!
I'm going to head over to chapter 2 right now to see what happens next!

captainmichael15 commented Comment · Apr 29, 2015

I was surprised at the amount of atmosphere you created in such a short chapter. I nearly got pulled into the story already! If I had to pick something I'd like improved, it would only be that the chapter lengths are a bit longer. Otherwise great job, I hope you have more to come.

User avatar
Kanome
Review
Kanome wrote a review Review · Apr 29, 2015

Hello.
Kanome here with a review for you.

Well, this story really climaxed into something amazing. I love the tension between the character and the conflict with the little girl. The imagery - so well-detailed that it's absolutely perfect. I would love to read more of this story when you write more chapters.

Nitpick:
- This chapter seems to be short.... Hopefully in your next chapters, they can be a little bit longer.

I would love to read more of your work.
Will you please PM me when the next chapter is out? I would love to read this series to the very end.

Keep writing c:
I can't wait to read more.
Have a great day.

Kanome

Thank you for your praise. I'll definitely PM you when the randy chapter is out.
~EmptySoul

User avatar
kevin25a
Review
kevin25a wrote a review Review · Apr 29, 2015

This is a really good story, and I definitely intend to follow it.

I love the creative writing tool she used, its been used in movies tons of times but still shows how resourceful the character using it can be. Only thing to do then is either break down the door and rescue her hoping you can get to her and get out fast enough. Or break through the window to grab her and run, hoping you get away before her captor appears and likely has a gun. Or pick the lock on the door so you can get in or out silently, but it really doesn't leave a kind hearted honest person with to many options. Either move with haste but creating a lot of noise, or slowly and staying silent but risking discovery. Personally I would try the door to check if it's locked, and break through the window if it was. Picking locks can take time, even for someone really good at it. But breaking a window is really easy, and you won't get cut if you properly wrap up your arm before smashing it. The door is best, but would obviously be locked as the girl is still a hostage, the window would be fast and he/she could break it down and grab the girl as soon as the glass stopped falling from the broken window.

Anyway I look forward to your next chapter and welcome to YWS.



Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that's creativity.
— Charles Mingus