The Quote

The Quote

The dark clouds spit out cold beads of rain in such way that I feel like nails are being hammered on my body. People who I hardly know keep offering me their umbrellas, but I refuse every time. I like the sensation of the rain on my body. I find it oddly satisfying especially on this gloomy day. In fact, today I’m getting all kinds of attention. When your dad dies, suddenly you become the center of attention. I loathe it. I need neither their pity nor their condolences. After all, it won’t do anything. It won’t bring my dad back.

My father’s name was Henry. He was a great dad. Always supporting me and helping me out in every way. Unfortunately, he died in his sleep three weeks ago due to sleep apnea. When my mother first discovered that he was unresponsive, she called the ambulance immediately. They drove him to the hospital and mom went there too with her car. However, I stayed home. She didn’t want me to go with her.

“It’s not a good environment for you,” mom said. I argued but it was no use. When mother decided on something, it was nearly impossible to change her mind.

She left the house, leaving me alone with my dark thoughts. My heart began pounding out my chest and my breaths were heavier. What will happen to my dad? Will he live? Will he die?

I waited for endless hours doing absolutely nothing. I couldn’t find the strength to do anything but lying down on the couch.

When mother came back, her mouth was wide open and her eyes were basically popping out of her head. That shocked expression could only lead to bad news.

“I’m sorry Angela, but your dad is dead.” My mom murmured those horrible words in the most monotonous voice ever. I ran to my mother and gave her a bear hug. In the heat of her warm boy, my eyes bled with pain. My mother tried to comfort me, but after a few minutes she gave up and tears ran down her eyes too. We cried in each other’s arms until the tears ran out.

I gaze at all the people attending my dad’s funeral. They’re all wearing their nicest black outfits and everyone seems to be bawling, everyone except me. I’m going to be seeing my dad soon thus I have no reason to weep once more.

Ever since my father died, I’ve been miserable. Day by day, I didn’t want to neither get out of bed nor do anything but cry. A few of my closest friends came over to my house and tried to console me but no matter what they said, my agony stayed infinite.

One day, I realized that there’s a solution to my problem. That solution is to simply die. It was the best idea that I ever came up with. I would end my pain and also get the chance to be reunited with my dad. On that same date, I decided to swallow a handful of pills the next Thursday, no exceptions. That day just happened to be on the time when we’re having my father’s funeral.

“Excuse me mother, I need to go to the ladies room,” I say softly. I try to have a straight face so that she doesn’t suspect anything. At my relief, my mom nods and doesn’t ask any questions.

I hurry to the washroom before my face can betray me. As I run, I clutch my handbag, the location of the pills. Without them, my plan will fail.

When I’m there, I inspect the stalls to check if anyone’s there. Fortunately, the bathroom is deserted. Then, I take my dad’s favourite cologne out of my purse and spray it into the air a couple of times. I want it to be the last thing I smell. I finally take out the bottle of pills and twist the cap off and put a handful of them in my palm. This is it; I’m finally going to end my life.

Suddenly, a girl enters the bathroom. It’s my best friend Trish. I hide the pills behind my back as quickly as I can. I came this far, I don’t need Trish to stop me.

“What are you doing?” She asks, approaching me.

“I need to pee. Isn’t that what people do in a washroom?” I reply nervously.

“Then what’s behind your back?”

“Nothing, Trish.” She doesn’t seem quite convinced. I need to get out of here as fast as I can before she finds out what I was actually about to do.

“I’m going to leave now,” I say. I start to walk about, but Trish stops me. Her grip is unyielding.

“You’re not going anywhere.” She crosses her arms and stares me down until I can’t handle it anymore. I burst out into tears.

“I was going to commit suicide,” I say between wails. Trish gasps and covers her mouth with her hands. Judging by her expression, she probably couldn’t believe what I said.

“No Angela… You can’t do this to yourself.”

“Why not? My life’s a mess anyway!” I yell out of frustration.

“Because suicide doesn’t take away the pain, it gives it to someone else.” I hadn’t thought about that. I can’t even imagine the damage that my mom would get if I died. She already lost her husband. Losing her daughter too would be too much. Plus, all my friends and family would be devastated. I suffered a lot when my dad died. I don’t want anyone else to feel as bad as I did.

I walk to the trashcan and drop the pills in my hand along with the bottle in it. I’m not leaving this world yet.

I smile at Trish. Thanks to her and that quote, I’m still alive. It’s weird how a few simple worlds can save someone’s life.