12+ Violence

Write the Distance Away

PreviousNext

As I write this letter,
gun shots begin to fade.
Nothing is getting any better.
Even now I am afraid.

My hands begin shaking
as I start to sign my name.
With each and every waking,
it makes me wish I never came.

But I am a military man
and I am fighting for you.
I will be all I can.
That's all I have to do.

So I write the distance away
because I fear I might have to stay.

Comments & reviews · 4
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
dewdrop
Comment

thats a really good and quite deep peice of poetry. amazing!!!!

User avatar
hudz96
Review
hudz96 wrote a review · Thu Feb 02, 2012 7:40 am

Beautiful work i love it.
Maybe you could add another non-rhyming line at the end to set the whole poem off because it stopped abruptly, but other then that i really liked it. Keep it up

User avatar
dolwright
Comment

Great Work. I have a problem with the structure and capitalization though. It's a nice tribute to those risking their lives for us.

This is great! I love how the rhyme scheme doesn't seemed forced and how everything flows nicely together. The only thing that seemed a little shaky is the last two lines. They're full of meaning but they throw the rhythm of the poem off completely. Try keeping it four lines in each stanza and create pattern. It makes the fluency ten times better. Overall, this was a well developed poem about something that is tangible to ordinary people. Keep writing!



I am just curious-have I ever been on the bottom quote-thingy?
— foxmaster