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Forget the Velveteen Rabbit, My Pink One Rocks!

by Elizabeth

Elizabeth Mathers

Mr. Hagg

Pre-AP English

March 1, 2005

Forget the Velveteen Rabbit, My Pink One Rocks!

A very special possession I have is this pink, stuffed rabbit I got at my horrid 13th birthday. I just been 13 for about 30 seconds and the first hot glue-gunned shut bag I open contains a pathetic big eyed rabbit inside… It stares at you and seems to cast this mystical aura in your mind that makes you want to pet it. I wasn’t really stunned because receiving a childish momentum for a non-childish occasion is fine with me. Just fine. I have to admit that I got really selfish this time. I usually only want to have fun with my friends and family but this time I wanted material possessions that would make me spoiled. I got the stuffed rabbit from a very special person (whose name shall not be mentioned for I do not want them to be embarrassed in any way and I’m sure they wouldn’t want me to mention anything either but they know who they are…) and my feelings for them and the rabbit are like a diamond: it will last forever. At first I thought it was a wig inside the bag but when I pulled it out farther I saw those eyes. Wigs don’t normally have eyes do they?

Aside from it being pink there were also more details on it. The rabbit had very long carrot shaped ears that glistened pink like the rest of it’s body and it had large chocolate colored eyes that seemed to cause you to just drool all over yourself and stare menacingly at your every move. You wouldn’t be able to tell if there was a spy camera inside one eye or not. Sometimes I think that there is some sort of spy camera in one of its eyes. Probably the right, since that one is usually the one that glistens under the light the most. Sometimes it glows red. Eerie. It had a crooked face with a crooked sewn in smile and pink nose. There is a white bow tied around its neck with flowers of every hue ironed onto it. I named the rabbit Bean-Butt from the fact that there were beans in its butt that made it clack savagely if you shook it. Bean-Butt had 2 floppy arms and legs that were thick with stuffing. It had a small pudgy tail that was really hard.

It has only been about 2 or 3 months since I got it and there is already a could patches of rough spots and a hole in it’s neck (bloody vampires). Whenever I hug it I can detect the fading scent of cigarette smoke clinging to Bean-Butt’s fur.

Whenever I hold the rabbit I know that the person who gave it to me cares about me. And I think about all the other people who care about me. If Bean-Butt gets messy because I spilt cheesecake or chocolate on it then I take responsibility like, the lazy, self-centered, any parent’s teenager angst person I am, and clean it up. When I’m old and gray, hopefully not to gray or old, and the rabbit is still with me and you can see how worn out it is then you’ll probably get the idea on how much I liked to hold that rabbit. I cuddle up with it at night and dream sweet dreams. When you see me with my stuffed rabbit, you’ll know how much I cared about Bean-Butt and the person who gave it to me.

Colton Moyer (Shh!)

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327 Reviews

Points: 19580
Reviews: 327

Tue Sep 18, 2018 6:11 am
fraey wrote a review...

Hello there.

Popping in to give you a review that's very long in coming, but at least it's here now.

First off, I think this was a cute idea, but it feels very harried and all over the place in its current state. If you were going for how a thirteen-year-old may write her thoughts down, then you may have got that right, but it doesn't do too much for me. I think that one thing that's glaring at me is the way that some sentences are so very long and make me lose my place in the paragraph.

My next piece to speak of is the overall tone in this. From the beginning of her not wanting to say the person's name kind of felt unnecessary, especially as that takes away from the fact she wants to talk about her bunny? It probably has to do with how ridiculously windy that sentence is, even if I only included the parts in parenthesis. I also don't really get the whole part of a camera somehow being inside the bunny.

There are a few typos here and there, and a few grammar issues scattered throughout. They're not too distracting, but as an apparent essay, I would support going through this and editing some parts. Including all of the sentences ended at weird moments, as I think those messed with me the most.

A lot of this is telling to the extreme I think, and maybe that's why it makes me want to point out parts that can be easily deleted. The describing of the bunny, for example, is done in a kind of monotonous way, but just listing every single component. Also, why would a teenager, young at that yes, mistake a bunny for a wig? Stuffed animals tend to have a distinct shape, I think.

Alright, that's all I've got for now. Happy RevMo.

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447 Reviews

Points: 2340
Reviews: 447

Thu Mar 10, 2005 4:54 pm
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Duskglimmer says...

I think the structure and flow is a little off, but all in all, excellent job. It was fun to read. Keep it up.

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1258 Reviews

Points: 6090
Reviews: 1258

Thu Mar 10, 2005 12:19 am
Sam says...

To be honest with you, the first part is so-so. Not as good.

but in the ending...that rocks. I think a lot of us can relate to it, sort of universal.

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