well, this was a rather awkward poem, though the ending was really good. but announcing your characters before hand... -
maybe it would've been better if you explained more by just fitting the life scenerio into the poem, it would've sounded much better. i don't think your point in poetry should be to tell the stories, but to tell the feelings. that's just my personal opinion though, which is already half wrong in narrative poetry. =]
good job, though. really. just a suggestion.
the last stanza was the part where it really started to turn around i really liked it. write more like that haha. well, if you want to, of course.
Points: 890
Reviews: 688
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