When liquid drops
The sweeper mops
In dark corridors
He works on more
Retrieving lost items
A phone, jacket, and shoe
Who could have guessed
He could have been like you
A human behind the sweeper’s uniform
Where the English language is no cuneiform
He works tirelessly to get his pay
Until he breathes his last breath one day
And his two children cry by his bed
A daughter, a son
At the man now dead
To them he was more than a sweeper
A father, a friend, a very light sleeper
For when they cried he was always there
Buying them clothes, food, and toys, to comfort their tears
A single-dad to a runaway mom
He paid for the Internet
As they visited youngwriterssociety.com
Cheers to the sweeper
Who was more than met the eye
Not a loser, deadbeat, or creeper
But a human as you and I
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138,932 Literary Works • 672,331 Reviews
I'm not sure what to make of this. It's a tragic story, told in a very light-hearted fashion.
Also, you don't really use a lot of imagery...I mean that you're "telling" rather than "showing" us the story. You know what I mean?
Also the last line.
"But a human as you AND I"
Maybe add some imagery ,take away some telling, and work on it a little more is what I would say! But good job and keep writing!
Love this! At the beginning I didn't know where you were going with it, but as I read on I got it. The ending is very powerful, i especially love the last two lines. I would definitely want to read more of your work, so keep writing
As I began this I'm gunna be honest I didn't think I would like this but the ending was what made it really good when you said "Cheers to the sweeper
Who was more than met the eye
Not a loser, deadbeat, or creeper
But a human as you or I"
it a unique writing not one I would normally read but I take my hat off to you I hope you continue writing
Beautiful. You have such power over the words in this poem. The feel of it, the emotions- it's all in there like a recipe carefully followed. Beautiful, just beautiful.
The rhymes were a little off, and the poem went by a little too fast. But all in all I loved reading it. It seemed like something light you could read your brother or sister, no offense.