My Heart why do I treat you so?
Throwing you out there to get hurt
Trusting you in the care of strangers
In the care of those who said that they would treat you right
Why?
Is it because I barely know how to take care of you?
That though I know and understand love, and all that it entails I am still but an infant
Barely walking around, stumbling and falling
Yearning to run
Just barely past crawling
Oh my poor bleeding heart how do you still go on?
When I have allowed others to hurt and use you
My Heart
My precious Heart
How do you still go on?
Why do you still bleed for others?
Why do you care for them?
Why do you keep allowing me to go out there and let you get hurt?
Stop caring my poor heart
Close up and harden
Stop letting them hurt you
Protect yourself from me
Protect yourself from them
Oh My Heart...
My Heart...
It aches...
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,364 Literary Works • 673,125 Reviews
Hello, Eferhilda. Margo here for a review. Your poem portrays emotional anguish, so deep, it physically hurts! While reading this, I felt the pain of the narrator. This means you did a good job expressing this person's mood.
My suggestion for you would be to break this into stanzas. The first break would be before you ask Why? This gives the work a sense of drama and allows the reader to digest the work and appreciate it more...at least that's what I think! There are also a few lines that you could probably simplify to give more of an effect.
"That though I know and understand love, and all that it entails I am still but an infant"
Get rid of the word 'that'. This will make this line more powerful. It's strange, but sometimes saying less is saying more.
Beautiful, emotive write. Keep at it! Remember: a good work is never finished.
I'm almost crying after that. I really like it, the emotion it conveys is... I can't find the words. It's beautiful. The emotion put into it, you can tell that you felt that way when you wrote it. I hope you don't still feel that way, because if your heart is hard, nothing will mean anything anymore. And without our hearts, us writers would write quite boring books. I love it though. I... I don't know how to express it.
Hello, Eferhilda.
Kanome here with a review for you..
This makes me sad, because I felt this way a few times in my life..
So I guess the emotion in this piece catches the reader's heart.
I like how the poem flows perfectly
At the end, I felt the emotion hit me right there.
That is really the big effect on the reader's heart.
Other than that, I don't see any grammar or content errors in this piece.
Keep up the great work. I can't wait to read more c:
Its good and easy to relate to...
I enjoyed reading it because now I know how you felt in those hard times.
I really hope the hard times are over for now!
But overall it was really good.
Hope you feel better and keep writing!