Here I sit in the Darkness smiling
Nodding and being cheerful
Though the Darkness consumes me
Making me feel cold, alone and afraid
Still I smile
I smile to make them happy
To keep them from worry
I smile for them
Smiling in the Darkness
Cold, Alone and Afraid
I smile to seem normal
I smile to seem whole
I smile for other's joy
Darkness all around me
There I sit
Smiling in the Darkness
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125,028 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Hey Eferhilda! It's Mr. Powers here with another fun and exciting review. I'm going to be looking at this poem, titled "Smiling In The Darkness". I usually like to go stanza-by-stanza in my review, but... there are no stanzas. I don't know if this is intentional or not, but it's confusing and eye-straining in any case. If I were you, I'd go back and fix that.
I read the poem, and here's what I gathered from it: you stress the importance of perseverance, and you still smile in the face of certain tragedy. That's some pretty deep stuff right there.
There's also a problem with grammar, or punctuation, or something. I'd add a few commas here and there, and CREATE STANZAS. Once you do that, I feel the errors are going to jump out at you.
Anyway, I'm finished. I give this poem a favorable review. Enjoy yourself, and your profile picture is rather confusing.
------Powers Out-------
Thanks for the review. The lack of stanzas and punctuation was intentional. Also not sure what my profile picture has to do with the review.
I found it really interesting right away that you chose to capitalize "darkness". It gives it great personification and sets the tone of the poem perfectly.
This is especially interesting to me as well because its an odd mirror for a book I'm currently reading called "Smile at Strangers." In it the woman talks about conquering the darkness, the fear, and not giving into it. I really appreciate the smiles you are giving and the inner battle you are fighting here.
Hello! KatyaElefant here to review! Let us see what we have here! Also happy review day!
Some things that I can that you can improve on is organization. Now, I am not saying you have to, but you can organize your poem into several stanzas. Like at the part
I feel that you could separate the two phrases and make two new stanzas. That was just calling me to me XD
For the good things. I have to say I adore your theme here. You could take this in two ways. Creepy or beautiful. It all has to do with imagination. You could think that the person is there smiling with a creepy smile or she could be smiling there for what ever reason. Also you could take this as an analogy. The cold darkness of society and then still smiling, happily. You could take this many ways. I love the effect that you made here. The capital letters are very effective with this. I also like the way you capitalized Darkness. It makes the effect that it is a person. I loved this piece. If you write more, tell me! Great job!
Hey there! So I can totally relate to this poem in every possible way and I think that you touch a lot of peoples' hearts with this piece. Every word you use is important and adds to the meaning of the work unlike many writers who feel the need to add useless words. I like the repetition of "I smile to" because it draws the reader's attention to the meaningful parts.
Nitpicks:
Little grammar thing, it should be other's with an apostrophe because the joy belongs to others.
That's actually all I have. Really really good job.
Keep it up!
Thanks for that catch! Corrected it! I am glad that you enjoyed my piece.