Dinosaur Invasion: Chapter 1

Fun premise, engaging narration, good description. However, there are several grammar errors, as well as parts that just felt out of place. I'll touch on those, but bear with me, I'm trying to help. This work just need touching up.

Stumbling I kept running knowing that so

Add a comma between stumbling and I, 'Stumbling, I kept'

It started out great, then came the destruction.

It started out with the calm before the storm

This sequence is repetetive, perhaps change the second 'it started out' with 'The resort was calm, however, it was the calm before the storm.'

was 'naturally' trying to tan

Get rid of the itallics in favor of single mark quotations, more professional (published fiction almost never has itallics, and a lot of publishers use it as a sign to immedietely reject a book.)

Like usual in these family outings,

Change 'in' to 'on'

headphones in, mad at my parents for dragging

Don't tell us that they're mad, even though it's from thier percpective. Tell us that she had her arms crossed, music blaring, turned away from her parents with a scowl.

Life was normal until it wasn’t.

This is a little strange, change it to 'Life was normal, but, then it wasn't'

but the vibrating roar was twenty times louder.

The 'statistic' is strange, simply put 'louder' or 'was catastrophically loud'

Everyone began to panic unaware of what lay ahead.

Perhaps 'Everyone stood, looking in confusion towards the sound, and slowly starting to panic.' They wouldn't panic all at once unless they saw the creature, and, as far as we know, they haven't.

rooms in an “orderly” fashion.

Use these ' for when someone is quoting someone else like this, 'an 'orderly' fashion'

The fence smashing as the creature raced through it.

change smashing to 'smash'

Everyone’s mouths hanging open from screaming. Their eyes widened with fear.

Change the period to a comma, and replace 'hanging' with 'hung.'

practically using them as toothpicks.

This is a weird comparison, he's eating them, so maybe say, 'crushing them like twigs' or 'their bones snapping like toothpicks in the beasts mouth'

The beast ran towards the doors searching for all the oblivious people inside.

Don't call the people inside oblivious, I'm sure if the beast is big enough, they're probably worried that it'll burst through, also, mention the beast smelling them.

As far as the main character, you did well with making them relatable. I can definetely relate with being dragged places with my family and listening to music rather than talking to them.

Oh, also, describe the 'beast' you use the term too often, and the I, the reader, would like to know what it looks like. You main character should have a basic grasp of different dinosaurs, most americans do, so have them say, at the very least, 'T-rex like' or 'Brontosaurous like', I don't know, since you gave me no description. You could even delve in deeper and say something like 'It had a large head, with teeth over six feet long and small squinty eyes. It's short arms were still long enough to reach from the ground to it's mouth, and it's two legs had it standing in a similar stance to a kangaroo. It's tail swung hap-hazardly, destroying trees and knocking over running fingers-' etc. Oh, and by the way, no one knows what color dinosaurs were, so you could even have it hot pink for comedic value.

Oh, and in the end, when you have the main characters thoughts in italics, make it normal. As previously stated, you simply shouldn't use it, and, I promise, your reader will be smart enough to know it's a thought, especially since you said so in the previous sentence.

By the way, I love the description you do have, it's interesting and enough without being too much (with the exception of the dinosaur)

I just had a thought, maybe you didn't describe the 'beast' cause the reader and main character don't know it's a dinosaur yet. It's called dinosaur island, so the readers know, even if it hasn't dawned on the main character, so you don't need to mask.

By the, I loved the bit of foreshadowing you had, 'little did I know that was the last time I'd see my family.' nice touch.

Keep writing!!
~Authorian

Good story! the ONLY thing that I have to comment about it is that near the end in the sentence "Their fine, I know it, they’re out hiding waiting for me to find them," The first time you say "Their," it is supposed to say "They're" like you did the second time.

So did I miss it, or did you not say when the beast came from? It was a really good story, definitely ny kind of thriller, look forward too your next chapters and where you will take the story. Would love to know when you publish the next chapter too, this is definitely the best thriller story I have read in a while. Not many real life thriller stories on here. Most are futuristic or in another reality. Too few modern-day monster novels.